Many people with children considering a New Jersey divorce have many questions. A good many of these queries tend to center on issues surrounding children in divorce. If you find yourself in such a position, one area in which you may have questions is about parallel parenting. We present for your consideration and assistance 20 of the key FAQs about parallel parenting for your consideration.

1. What is parallel parenting?

The most basic question concerning parallel parenting necessitates an initial response. Parallel parenting is a parenting arrangement used when parents have what is described as high conflict. Each parent cares for the child independently during their parenting time, with minimal interaction between parents overall.

2. How is parallel parenting different from co-parenting?

Co-parenting requires frequent communication and shared decision-making. As noted, because of the state of the relationship between parents, parallel parenting minimizes communication and allows each parent to make day-to-day decisions without ongoing coordination.

3. When is parallel parenting recommended?

As was also noted a moment ago, parallel parenting in New Jersey oftentimes is recommended when conflict is persistent, communication breaks down, or interactions regularly escalate negatively.

4. Does parallel parenting mean parents never communicate?

No, that is a fairly persistent misperception. Communication still occurs when necessary. However, communication is limited, structured, and oftentimes takes place in writing (email or parenting apps) to reduce conflict between parents and misunderstandings.

5. Is parallel parenting good for children?

While not necessarily ideal (co-parenting is the gold star), it is best for children when higher levels of conflict between parents exist. What you need to understand about parallel parenting is that it shields children from adult disputes and allows them to have stable, predictable relationships with each parent. It prevents children from being caught in the middle of disputes between parents.

6. Who makes decisions in a parallel parenting plan?

Major decisions (such as education and medical care) may be shared or assigned by court order. Each parent makes routine decisions when children are with that individual.

7. What communication tools are commonly used?

Parents often use co-parenting apps, email, or written schedules. Phone calls and in-person discussions are usually avoided unless absolutely necessary.

8. Can parallel parenting evolve into co-parenting?

Yes, that is possible – and a reasonable objective. If conflict decreases over time and communication improves, some families gradually transition to a more cooperative co-parenting model.

9. What are common rules in a parallel parenting plan?

Plans typically include:

• Strict schedules
• Neutral exchange locations
• No negative talk about the other parent
• Clear boundaries around communication and decision-making

10. Is parallel parenting ordered by courts?

Yes, New Jersey courts may order parallel parenting when traditional co-parenting is not working and continuous conflict exists.

11. How are parenting time exchanges handled in parallel parenting?

Exchanges are typically structured, brief, and neutral – at least as much as is possible. Many plans use public locations, schools, or third parties to reduce direct interaction between parents.

12. What happens if one parent violates the parallel parenting plan?

Violations may be addressed through documentation, mediation, or court intervention. This all depends on the severity and frequency of violations. Clear parallel parenting plans aid courts identify noncompliance.

13. Are children allowed to communicate freely with both parents?

Yes, children should be able to communicate freely with either parent during reasonable times. These communications should not be monitored nor children should be used as messengers for one parent or another.

14. How does parallel parenting handle school and extracurricular activities?

Each parent supports activities during their own parenting time. Attendance at shared events may be staggered or managed carefully to avoid conflict between parents

15. Can new partners or spouses be involved in parallel parenting?

Yes, but boundaries are important. Boundaries must be very clear. New partners should not interfere with the parenting plan. In the same vein, communication should remain directly between the parents themselves.

16. How are holidays and vacations managed?

Parallel parenting plans usually include detailed holiday and vacation schedules. This is designed to minimize disputes, often alternating holidays or assigning fixed traditions to each parent.

17. Does parallel parenting require professional supervision?

Not necessarily. Some families benefit from parenting coordinators, mediators, or therapists. But many others manage independently – with a clear parallel parenting plan.

18. How does parallel parenting address different parenting styles?

Different rules and routines are expected. As long as the child is safe and supported, consistency across households is less important than reducing conflict between parents.

19. What role do parenting apps play in parallel parenting?

Parenting apps help centralize communication, schedules, and records, creating transparency and reducing emotionally charged exchanges.

20. Is parallel parenting a sign of failure?

No, parallel parenting is not a sign of failure. It really is a protective strategy designed to prioritize the child’s emotional health when cooperation is not currently possible between parents.

If you have any additional questions about parallel parenting, if you are in need of experienced legal representations, contact the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at 201-845-7400. You can schedule a no cost, no obligation initial consultation at your convenience.

 New Jersey child custody mediation can seem somewhat confusing, if not overwhelming, on first blush. emotionally, In the grand scheme of a New Jersey divorce case, mediation is designed to help parents build a parenting plan that protects their children’s interests and well-being. Coming to a better understanding and preparing for mediation can make the process far less concerning and significantly more productive. This New Jersey child custody mediation is designed to provide you with an essential overview of the ins and outs of the process.

Understanding the Purpose of New Jersey Child Custody Mediation

The population of the Garden State, and the United States more broadly, is becoming proportionally older. As a consequence, it is easy to imagine that divorce among older people is becoming more frequent. Oftentimes, divorce of older individuals is referred to as gray divorce. Before we dive into a deeper discussion about the rising tide of New Jersey gray divorce, we take a moment to define the concept. Generally speaking, gray divorce is defined as Gray divorce is the term used for the dissolution of marriage among older adults, typically couples aged 50 and above. Unlike divorces earlier in life, gray divorces often occur after decades of marriage and involve unique financial, emotional, and social considerations – which are discussed with you in this article.

Increasing Rate of Gray Divorce

The esteemed Pew Research Center provides some alarming statistics about gray divorce in the United States, including New Jersey gray divorce. The divorce rate among people over the age of 50 has doubled since 1990. The divorce rate for people over the age of 65 has seen an even sharper incline. Since 1990, the divorce rate among people over the age of 65 has nearly tripled. With this statistical background in mind, we take a close look at the impact of New Jersey gray divorce.

Financial Wallop of Gray Divorce

Following the conclusion of a divorce in the Golden Years, parties to such a marriage dissolution proceeding can face significant financial issues. For example, following a divorce later in life, a woman’s standard of living declines by about 50 percent, according to PudMed. A man’s standard of living can also be expected to decline, on average by 21 percent. Overall wealth or value of accumulated assets tends to drop by 50 percent for spouses of both genders.

Gray Divorce and Retirement Security

The division of assets later in life leaves a formerly married couple less time to recover, according to the Center for Retirement Research. As a consequence, many divorced seniors are forced to delay retirement or completely restructure their retirement plans.

Mental Health Impact of Divorce During the Golden Years

The depression rate among people who undergo a gray divorce is higher than for other cohorts of people. Elevated depressive symptoms tend to be more evident among people pursuing gray divorces than is the case for people seeking to end their marriages in their marriages at earlier stages in their lives.

Education Level and Gray Divorce

Gray divorce rates are up across all demographic cohorts at this juncture in time. With that said, gray divorce is more commonplace among people with bachelor’s degrees and higher levels of education. Gray divorce rates are lower among people who do not have college degrees.

Cohabitate or Remarry After Gray Divorce

A question to bear in mind following a New Jersey gray divorce is whether you should cohabitate with a significant other or remarry. There are a number of reasons why some people might take the cohabitation route. One of the key reasons why this is the case is that by not remarrying, some individuals might be able to maintain some benefits that were associated with a prior marriage. Another prime reason why some people might elect to cohabitate rather than marry again is to maintain a better sense of financial or economic autonomy.

Gray Divorce, Overall Health, and Life Expectancy

Life expectancy and health outcomes can be worse. Being divorced (or separated) later in life is associated with higher risks in several health domains. For example, divorced older adults have worse health outcomes compared to married peers, and divorce in later life has been linked with higher risk for:

• Poorer physical health
• Increased cognitive decline
• Elevated all-cause mortality compared to being married

Adult Children of Divorced Older Parents

Adult children of parents who go through a gray divorce feel emotional and relationship strain. Gray divorce doesn’t only affect spouses but also adult children. Adult children report negative emotional impacts when parents divorce late in life:

• Increased anxiety
• Grief
• Feelings of instability

Gray divorce can also strain the parent-child relationship and affect adult children’s sense of filial responsibility or even lead to estrangement. If you have any questions concerning a gray divorce in New Jersey, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free initial consultation.

Navigating a New Jersey divorce can be emotionally challenging and even financially draining. With this duly noted, you must be vigilant to avoid giving away your power during the marital dissolution process. Unnecessarily (even dangerously) relinquishing your power in a New Jersey divorce can have dire and long-lasting consequences. These include everything from agreeing to unfair asset and debt division to losing child custody. There are a number of time-tested tactics you should consider employing to better ensure that you stay empowered and protect your rights during a New Jersey marriage dissolution case.

Understand New Jersey’s Divorce Laws and Recognize What You Don’t Know

Knowledge is your first line of defense in a divorce. For example, New Jersey utilizes what is known as equitable distribution or division standard when it comes to marital assets and debts (and who gets what). Under the equitable division of property standard, assets and debts are divided in a manner that is deemed just and equitable under the facts and circumstances of a particular case. You need to bear in mind that ​equitable does not mean equally. Courts consider a variety of factors that include:

• The marriage’s duration
• Each spouse’s earning capacity
• Contributions to the ​marriage

Child custody decisions hinge on another judicial standard used in a New Jersey marriage dissolution case. This is the best interests of the child standard. In basic terms, the best interests of the child standard keeps the focus on the child’s well being above other issues when it comes to matters like custody, parenting time, and support.  

Avoid Making Decisions Driven by Emotion

Divorce understandable oftentimes trigger significant emotions that include:

• Anger
• Guilt
• Grief
• Shame

Emotion-driven or impulsive decisions can cost you. For instance, agreeing to surrender the family home out of guilt or rushing to finalize the divorce to allow you the opportunity to “move on” more quickly can (and likely will) result in decisions that you end up regretting.

There are some specific tactics to employ to avoid emotion-driven decisions:

• Pause before signing agreements. For example, take 24 to 48 hours to review terms and conditions
• Seek therapy or support groups to process emotions separately from legal strategy
• Use neutral third parties, like mediators, to facilitate calm negotiations

Always keep in mind that courts enforce settlements once finalized. Therefore, you must ensure your choices align with long-term goals.

Safeguard Your Financial Future Proactively

Financial transparency is critical. Start by gathering documents: tax returns, bank statements, retirement accounts, and debt records. New Jersey requires full disclosure, but hidden assets sometimes may be lurking. Consider hiring a forensic accountant if you suspect dishonesty on the part of your spouse.

There are some tips to consider when it comes to protecting your financial future:

• Open individual bank accounts and monitor joint accounts to prevent sudden withdrawals
• Understand the tax implications of asset splits—retirement accounts may require a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO)
• Consult a financial planner to model post-divorce budgets and asset scenarios
• Never agree to terms of a settlement agreement without a complete financial picture

Establish Firm Boundaries with Your Spouse

Boundaries matter during marriage and during divorce. Contentious interactions with your spouse can derail negotiations. Set clear boundaries to avoid manipulation or heated arguments that might be against you during divorce proceedings.

A number of strategies prove effective when it comes to setting and maintaining boundaries during a New Jersey marriage dissolution case:

• Use written communication for accountability
• Limit discussions to logistics and defer legal talks to attorneys
• Document harassing behavior as it can impact such things as restraining orders or custody or parenting time determinations

Keep in mind that staying business-like protects your mental health and legal position.

Choose a Lawyer Who Empowers You, Not Undermines You

The approach used by an attorney to your case absolutely does matter. A skilled New Jersey divorce lawyer will explain options without pressuring you into quick decisions, including settlements.

Red flags to be aware of when it comes to legal counsel:

• Lawyers who dismiss your concerns
• Lawyers who push you to concede without exploration
• Lawyers who seem to lack familiarity with local courts or recent NJ case law

When seeking legal representation, seriously consider taking the time to interview multiple attorneys. Ask them about their negotiation style. If you have questions concerning protecting your rights in a New Jersey divorce, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen today at (201) 845-7400 for a free consultation.

A New Jersey child custody case has the potential to be among the most complicated legal proceedings in a court in the Garden State. Navigating a New Jersey child custody case typically is an emotionally charged and legally complex process. While the idea of self-representation might seem appealing to avoid attorney fees or to maintain personal control, that is not necessarily the best approach to take this type of proceeding. Self-representation oftentimes leads to unfavorable outcomes for a party to child custody proceedings. There are a number of significant, key reasons why you should not represent yourself in a New Jersey child custody proceeding.

 Lack of Legal Knowledge Can Hurt Your Case

At the outset, it is important to understand that New Jersey family law is intricate and continually evolving. Custody decisions hinge on the “best interests of the child.” This is a legal standard that requires a detailed understanding of legal statutes, case law, and judicial discretion. The bottom line is that without a legal background, you may misinterpret rules, miss deadlines, or fail to present essential information. Making these mistakes can have a devastating impact or effect on your position in a child custody proceeding.

Courtroom Procedure Is Not “User-Friendly”

New Jersey family courts operate under what are considered strict procedural guidelines. Family court judges expect all parties to follow court rules and protocols, submit the correct documentation, and meet filing requirements. This is required whether or not a person appearing before the court is an experienced attorney or an inexperienced party to a divorce case. The reality is that missing a single procedural detail, such as a required form or deadline, can result in your case being delayed or even dismissed. Attorneys are trained to navigate these procedures seamlessly. A layperson simply is not.

Emotions May Cloud Your Judgment

Child custody disputes are highly emotional. Indeed, they are among the most emotionally charged of legal proceedings. Representing yourself means you must argue your case logically while managing intense personal feelings about your child, the other parent, and the court’s decisions. This emotional strain can lead to irrational decisions, angry outbursts, or statements that may undermine your credibility in front of a judge. An attorney provides a calm and objective voice focused on legal strategy.

Other Parent Likely Has Legal Representation

If the other parent hires an experienced, tenacious custody attorney and you choose to represent yourself, you are at a significant disadvantage. The other parent’s lawyer will know how to frame arguments, challenge your claims, and introduce evidence in the most persuasive way. Judges are impartial, but the imbalance in legal skill and courtroom experience can influence the outcome. And because of the background of an experienced lawyer, those decisions often will not be in your favor.

Complex Issues Require Expert Handling

A New Jersey child custody case frequently involves more than just determining where a child will live. Issues like parental relocation, substance abuse, mental health, domestic violence, or education disputes can arise. These situations often require expert testimony, legal motions, and familiarity with past case precedents. A lawyer understands how to handle these complexities and present them effectively. On the other hand, an unrepresented parent will not have these resources and capabilities.

Negotiation and Mediation Are Strategic Processes

Most child custody cases in New Jersey are resolved through negotiation or even court-ordered mediation. This all occurs before going to trial. Effective negotiation requires legal knowledge, strategic thinking, and experience. All of these elements are effectively managed by attorneys. Representing yourself may lead to concessions you don’t fully understand or long-term agreements that do not serve your or your child’s best interests.

Your Child’s Future is at Stake

Finally and above all else, the outcome of a New Jersey child custody case directly impacts your child’s daily life, emotional stability, and development. Mistakes made due to inexperience or lack of legal training can result in a loss of custody, limited parenting time rights, or decisions that negatively affect your child’s well-being. Hiring a lawyer isn’t just about protecting yourself and your own interests. It is about protecting your child’s life and future. If you are facing a child custody or case in New Jersey call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen today at (201) 845-7400 for a free consultation.

When a marriage ends, the period of separation and divorce can be tumultuous, emotional, and legally complex. One key decision that can significantly influence both the legal outcome and emotional well-being of those involved in a New Jersey marriage dissolution case is whether to live with a significant other during this time. There are a number of facts and factors to bear in mind when it comes to living with ​a significant other during divorce.

Negative Impact on Custody and Parenting Time

In a New Jersey divorce proceeding, the best interest of the child is the paramount consideration when determining custody and parenting time arrangements. Introducing a new partner into the household, especially during an ongoing divorce, can raise red flags in the eyes of the court. Judges may question the stability of the child’s living environment, the character of the new partner, or whether the cohabitation is confusing or even potentially emotionally harmful to the children.

In some cases, the presence of a new partner can be used by the other parent to argue for limited custody or supervised parenting time. This particularly is the case if the romantic partner has a questionable background or if the transition for the children has not been handled with care.

Jeopardizing Spousal Support Claims

If a divorcing spouse is seeking alimony, cohabiting with a significant other can lead to a reduction or even a complete denial of spousal support or alimony. Courts often look at the financial interdependence of the cohabitating couple. If the new partner is contributing to household expenses or providing support, judges may determine that the requesting spouse no longer has the same level of need.

Even the appearance of financial support can be damaging in contested spousal support hearings, and it may complicate negotiations that otherwise could have been resolved amicably.

Inflaming Hostilities and Undermining Settlement Negotiations

Divorce is not just a legal process. Divorce also appropriately can be called a human one. It is a legal process fully charged with emotion.

Living with a significant other while still technically married can be perceived by the soon-to-be ex-spouse as disrespectful or even provocative. This can increase bitterness, prolong litigation, and sabotage efforts at amicable settlement of a New Jersey divorce case.

What might have been a relatively cooperative divorce can quickly become adversarial, with both parties digging in their heels over finances, property, or child custody—leading to higher legal fees and emotional wear.

Complicating Division of Marital Property

Living with a significant other during divorce can also impact how the court views the division of assets in some instances. For example, if marital funds are used to support the new household or benefit the new partner—such as paying rent or buying furniture—it could be considered dissipation of marital assets. The court may require reimbursement or adjust the final distribution of property to reflect the misuse of shared resources.

Even without clear dissipation, any sign of financial mingling with a new partner can invite unwanted scrutiny and complicate otherwise straightforward property settlements.

Fueling Allegations of Adultery or Marital Misconduct

In states where fault-based divorce is still recognized, living with significant other during divorce can give rise to claims of adultery or marital misconduct. In some jurisdictions, this can influence the division of property, alimony awards, and even custody decisions.

Even in no-fault states, the emotional response triggered by these allegations can delay proceedings and make settlement more difficult, particularly if one party feels betrayed or embarrassed by public accusations.

Confusing Children and Delaying Emotional Recovery

Living with significant other during divorce can be confusing and distressing for children. Children may still be adjusting to the idea of their parents’ separation and this can add an additional lawyer of emotional challenge. Children often benefit from a period of stability and clear boundaries after divorce, and bringing a new person into their daily lives may hinder their emotional healing.

In some cases, this can backfire legally, as judges may consider the emotional stability of the children in determining custody and parenting time.

Creating a Perception of Impropriety or Poor Judgment

Finally, perception matters during New Jersey divorce proceedings. Judges, mediators, and even court-appointed evaluators may form opinions based on how each party conducts themselves. Living with ​a significant other during divorce can create the impression of poor judgment, impulsiveness, or disregard for legal process.

Even if cohabitation doesn’t break any laws, it may shift the tone of proceedings, subtly influencing rulings or swaying opinions in ways that are hard to reverse. If you have any questions, concerning a divorce in New Jersey, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free divorce consultation.

The overarching goal of spousal financial abuse is to gain power and control over the victim, making it extremely challenging for them to leave the relationship or achieve financial independence. Financial abuse can have long-lasting impacts, not only on the victim’s financial stability but also on their mental and emotional well-being.

There are five more commonplace signs of spousal financial abuse to be aware of:

• ​Control over finances: One spouse controls all the financial resources and does not allow the other to have access or knowledge of the family finances.
• Restricting access to money: The abusive spouse provides an allowance or only gives money for specific purchases, denying the other spouse access to bank accounts or credit cards.
• Accumulating debt: The abusive spouse incurs debt in the other spouse’s name without their knowledge or consent, damaging their credit score.
• Stealing money or assets: The abusive spouse takes money or property from the other spouse without permission, including cash, jewelry, or other valuables.
• Sabotaging employment: The abusive spouse prevents the other from working or pursuing career opportunities, thereby limiting their financial independence.

Let’s now turn to how you can best protect yourself from and deal with spousal financial abuse.

Educate Yourself Financially

Take the time to learn about budgeting, saving, and managing your finances independently. Consider taking online courses, reading books on personal finance, or attending workshops to build your financial literacy. The more knowledge you have, the better equipped you’ll be to handle your finances without relying on your partner.

Secure Personal Identification Documents

Ensure you have access to your personal identification documents such as your Social Security card, passport, and driver’s license. Keep these documents in a safe place where only you can access them. Having control over these documents is crucial for proving your identity and accessing various services.

Open a Separate Bank Account

Open a bank account in your name only to start saving money independently. Choose a bank that offers good interest rates and low fees. This account can serve as your financial safety net, giving you the ability to save money that your partner cannot access.

Build a Support Network

Reach out to friends, family, or support groups for emotional and practical support. Having a strong support network can provide you with the encouragement and resources you need to break free from financial abuse. Support groups, both in-person and online, can connect you with others who have faced similar challenges.

Create a Safety Plan

Develop a detailed plan for where to go and how to support yourself if you need to leave the relationship. This plan should include safe places to stay, important contacts, and access to financial resources. Consider packing an emergency bag with essentials such as clothing, medications, and important documents.

Document Abuse

Keep thorough records of any financial abuse, including restricted access to money, forced signing of documents, or threats. Documenting these instances can be crucial if you need to take legal action or seek protective measures. Keep these records in a secure location where your partner cannot find them.

Access Community Resources

Look for local organizations that provide assistance to victims of domestic abuse, including financial abuse. These organizations can offer a variety of services such as emergency shelter, counseling, legal aid, and financial planning assistance. Many communities have hotlines and websites where you can find information on available resources.

Consider Counseling

Seek therapy or counseling to help rebuild your confidence and plan for a future without financial control. A professional counselor can provide you with the tools and strategies to cope with the emotional impact of financial abuse and support you in developing a plan to achieve financial independence. Counseling can also help you address any underlying issues that may have contributed to the abusive situation. It can be a critical step in healing and moving forward.

Seek Legal Advice

Consult with a New Jersey divorce lawyer to understand your rights and options regarding financial abuse. A lawyer can help you navigate the legal aspects of separating your finances from your partner and provide guidance on how to protect your assets. Legal advice can also help you with issues such as restraining orders or custody arrangements if needed. If you need to talk to an attorney, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen, at (201) 845-7400 for a free consultation.

Stay Calm

A divorce is an emotionally taxing experience, and interactions with in-laws can sometimes add to this strain. Despite the heightened pressure and potential for conflict, it’s imperative to keep calm and composed during any discussions or confrontations. Maintaining a cool demeanor can not only prevent the situation from spiraling out of control but also pave the way for more constructive conversations. It might seem challenging at times, but striving for serenity and calm during these interactions can prove immensely beneficial.

Set Boundaries

Amid the tumult of New Jersey divorce proceedings, it’s crucial to establish clear boundaries about what topics are permissible for discussion. These boundaries can encompass a variety of areas, from your personal relationship with your ex-spouse to financial matters or plans for the future. It’s essential to communicate gently but firmly to your in-laws what you’re comfortable discussing and what topics you’d prefer to avoid. By doing so, you can guide conversations in a direction that’s more comfortable for you and potentially sidestep unnecessary conflict.

Avoid Defensiveness

It’s easier said than done, but during emotionally charged periods like a divorce, it’s essential to avoid taking comments or criticisms personally. Instead, strive to listen without becoming defensive. Remember, everyone involved in the situation is likely under stress, and they may not communicate as tactfully as they would under normal circumstances. Endeavor to be understanding and patient, even when it’s difficult, and remember that everyone is navigating this challenging situation together.

Be Respectful

Disagreements and conflicts might be common during this time, but it’s critical to always maintain respect for your in-laws as your children’s grandparents. Regardless of the circumstances, they play a significant role in your children’s lives, and preserving that relationship should be a priority. Respectful communication not only fosters a healthier environment for your kids but can also go a long way in maintaining cordial relationships during this challenging period.

Keep Conversations Brief

To reduce the potential for conflict and misunderstanding, it can be beneficial to keep conversations with in-laws brief and to the point during New Jersey divorce proceedings. Focus on necessary topics, and avoid venturing into areas that may spark disagreement or contention. By doing so, you can maintain more pleasant interactions and significantly reduce the risk of generating further discord or misinterpretation.

Don’t Involve the Kids

During this challenging time, it’s paramount to safeguard your children from any disagreements or disputes that may arise. Keep them away from adult conversations and refrain from speaking negatively about your in-laws in their presence. Children are likely already grappling with a lot of change, so it’s important to maintain their environment as stable, peaceful, and loving as possible.

Seek Legal Advice

If you’re uncertain about how to manage a situation involving your in-laws during New Jersey divorce proceedings, don’t hesitate to consult with your lawyer. They possess the expertise to provide advice and guide you through these complex interactions. Legal professionals have the experience, knowledge, and tools to assist you during this challenging and emotionally charged time.

Focus on the Bigger Picture

Amid the whirlwind of divorce proceedings, it’s vital to remember the ultimate goal – ensuring the well-being and happiness of your children. Keep this objective front and center during any interactions with your in-laws. It’s not about winning arguments or showcasing your point, but about creating and maintaining a positive, stable environment for your children.

Practice Self-Care

During the tumultuous time of a divorce, it’s crucial not to neglect your mental health. Ensure you set aside time for relaxation and activities that you enjoy. Reach out to your support network – friends, family, support groups – and consider seeking help from a mental health professional if you feel it’s necessary. Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s a vital part of navigating this challenging period and ensuring you’re in the best possible position to support your children. If you have any questions about a New Jersey divorce, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 887-0461 for a fee initial consultation.

• Plan activities
• Establish routine
• Prepare meals
• Discuss expectations
• Be patient
• Stay positive
• Listen to your child
• Be flexible
• Enjoy your parenting time

Plan Activities

One of the first steps you can take to prepare for quality parenting time with your child is to plan engaging activities. Brainstorm and create a list of activities that both you and your child can enjoy together. This could range from playing an interactive board game, taking a scenic trip to the local park, indulging in a creative craft project, or reading an enriching book together. Having a variety of activities planned can not only keep your child entertained but also build their excitement about spending time with you.

Establish Routine

Children tend to thrive in structured environments. Therefore, making an effort to establish a routine for the time you spend with your child can be incredibly beneficial. This routine can encompass regular mealtimes, nap times, and bedtimes. A routine provides a sense of security and predictability, helping children understand what to expect during their day and making them feel more secure and comfortable.

Prepare Meals

Nutrition is an essential part of a child’s day. Therefore, give some thought to the meals you will be providing during your parenting time. Aim to include your child’s favorite foods, ensuring they eat healthily and enjoy their meals. Additionally, try to introduce them to a variety of new foods. This can help in expanding their palate, encouraging adventurous eating habits, and teaching them about different cultures and cuisines. You also need to focus on foods that your child like or enjoys, including special treats in an appropriate quantity during a parenting time session.

Discuss Expectations

When it comes to ensuring enjoyable parenting time, having an open and honest conversation with your child about your expectations regarding their behavior during your time together can prevent misunderstandings or conflicts. This proactive communication strategy can also be a valuable teaching opportunity, helping your child understand the importance of respecting rules and boundaries and promoting responsible behavior.

Be Patient

Children, by nature, can sometimes be unpredictable and challenging. It’s essential to remain patient and understanding with your child during these times. This not only helps you manage your own stress levels but also serves as a model for healthy emotional management for your child. It shows them that it’s okay to have difficult moments and that patience and understanding are important during these instances.

Stay Positive

Regardless of the situation, make a conscious effort to maintain a positive attitude. Your outlook and demeanor can significantly influence your child’s mood and behavior. Even during challenging times, keeping a positive attitude can foster a more uplifting environment for your child, promoting emotional resilience and positivity.

Listen to Your Child

Active listening is a crucial element of effective communication. Ensure you are actively listening to your child, valuing their opinions and feelings. This can make them feel more comfortable, secure, and important during your parenting time. It also fosters a stronger parent-child relationship and encourages open communication and trust.

Be Flexible

While it’s beneficial to have a plan and routine, it’s equally important to be flexible. Life is often unpredictable, and things may not always go as planned. Being able to adapt to unexpected changes can alleviate stress for both you and your child, teaching them that it’s okay if everything doesn’t go perfectly and that adaptability is a valuable life skill.

Enjoy the Time

Above all, relish the time you spend with your child. These are precious moments that are irreplaceable. Make the most of every moment, creating lasting memories and deepening your bond with your child. Whether you’re exploring a new activity together or simply enjoying a quiet meal, ensure enjoyable parenting time with your child by following these tips and tactics.

If you are facing a child custody case, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free consultation.

New Jersey Divorce Rate

The divorce rate in New Jersey currently stands at approximately 2.7 divorces per 1,000 population. This significant figure provides a reliable insight into the prevalence of divorce within the state, indicating a fairly high frequency of marital dissolution.

Interestingly, New Jersey’s divorce rate is lower than the national average in the United States, which is approximately 3.2 divorces per 1,000 population. This implies that marriages in New Jersey tend to be slightly more resilient and enduring compared to the national average.

Remarkably, New Jersey boasts the lowest divorce rate in the Northeast region of the United States. This suggests that, compared to its regional counterparts, New Jersey fosters a relatively stable environment for marriages, possibly due to a combination of socio-economic factors and state policies.

Percentage of New Jersey Marriages that End in Divorce

It is estimated that around half of all marriages in New Jersey, or about 50%, unfortunately end in divorce. This disheartening statistic implies that half of the marital unions within the state do not stand the test of time, leading to an equal probability of success or failure for marriages in the state.

Average Age of New Jersey Resident Seeking First Divorce

The average age of experiencing a first time New Jersey divorce is 30 years. This means that many marital unions dissolve before the couple has even reached the age of 30, suggesting a trend of relatively early marital breakdowns.

Gender Differences in Initiating New Jersey Divorce

In terms of gender dynamics, women in New Jersey initiate approximately 66 percent of all divorces. This notable statistic reveals a higher tendency among women to instigate divorce proceedings in the state, highlighting potential gender disparities in the initiation of marital dissolution.

Most Common Reason for a New Jersey Divorce

The most commonly cited reason for a divorce in New Jersey is “irreconcilable differences.” This broad term covers a wide range of issues that couples may find themselves unable to resolve, leading to the eventual dissolution of the marital union.

Divorce and Children in New Jersey

Approximately 60 percent of divorce cases in New Jersey involve children. This distressing statistic suggests that a large number of children in the state are affected by the breakdown of their parents’ marriages, raising concerns about the social and emotional impact of divorce on the younger population.

Average Duration of a New Jersey Marriage Before Divorce

The average duration of a marriage that unfortunately ends in a New Jersey divorce is eight years. This indicates the median amount of time couples in the state spend together before deciding to part ways, suggesting a limited longevity of marriages in the state.

Divorce and Remarriage in New Jersey

About 30 percent of individuals who undergo the painful process of divorce in New Jersey choose to remarry. This encouraging statistic indicates a significant proportion of these individuals are willing to give marriage another chance, suggesting an enduring belief in the institution of marriage despite past experiences.

10-Year Divorce Trends in New Jersey

the past decade, the divorce rate in New Jersey has been on a downward trend. This could be a reflection of evolving social dynamics, increased access to marital support and counseling, or an overall improvement in marital stability within the state. A stark reality is that divorce rate trends in New Jersey and elsewhere are really quite fluid and can ebb and flow without any type of real notice.

Same Sex Divorce Rates in New Jersey

Finally, the rate of divorce among same-sex couples in New Jersey mirrors that of opposite-sex couples. This suggests a level of consistency in the dissolution of marriages across the board, regardless of the couples’ gender orientation, indicating that the challenges of maintaining a marriage are universal, irrespective of the gender dynamics of the couple. If you have any questions concerning a divorce in New Jersey, call (201) 845-7400 for a free consultation.

Divorce Always Leads to a Bitter Court Battle

Many people believe that divorce automatically results in a hostile and contentious court battle. While some divorces do involve disputes, it’s important to note that many couples are able to reach amicable agreements through mediation or collaborative divorce. These alternative methods of dispute resolution can help minimize conflict and promote a more positive outcome for both parties.

Mothers Nearly Always Get Custody of the Children

Even in 2024, there is a fairly common misconception that mothers always receive custody of the children in a New Jersey divorce case. However, child custody decisions are actually based on the best interests of the child. Factors such as parental involvement, stability, and the child’s needs are taken into account when determining custody arrangements. Both parents have an equal opportunity to demonstrate their ability to provide a nurturing and supportive environment for their children.

Divorce Nearly Always Involves Infidelity

Infidelity is often cited as an underlying cause of a New Jersey divorce, but it is important to recognize that there are often multiple reasons that contribute to the breakdown of a marriage. Issues such as communication problems, financial difficulties, or incompatible goals can also play a significant role in the decision to divorce. It’s important to avoid assuming that infidelity is the sole cause of all divorces.

A New Jersey Divorce is Easy if Both Parties Agree

Some people believe that if both parties agree to the divorce, the process will be smooth and uncomplicated. While it is true that divorces where both parties are in agreement can be less contentious, it is important to understand that legal processes and paperwork can still be complex and require professional guidance. Consulting with a divorce attorney can help ensure that all necessary steps are taken and that both parties are protected throughout the process.

Divorce is Always Financially Devastating

It is a common misconception that divorce always leads to financial devastation. While divorce can have financial implications, proper planning and negotiation can help minimize the impact on both parties. Through the equitable distribution of assets, spousal support, and child support agreements, it is possible to achieve a fair and sustainable financial arrangement that allows both individuals to move forward with their lives.

Divorce is the End of Co-Parenting

Many people believe that divorce signifies the end of co-parenting and that divorced couples cannot effectively raise their children together. However, this is not always the case. Many divorced couples successfully co-parent their children and maintain a healthy relationship focused on their well-being. With effective communication, cooperation, and a shared commitment to the children’s best interests, divorced parents can create a nurturing and supportive environment for their children.

Divorce is Always a Failure

There can be a societal stigma attached to divorce in some instances, leading many to view it as a failure. However, it is important to recognize that sometimes divorce is the best outcome for a couple. It can lead to personal growth, self-discovery, and a happier future for both individuals involved. It’s essential to refrain from judging individuals who choose to end their marriage and instead support them in their decision to pursue a more fulfilling life.

Divorce is Always a Lengthy Process

While some divorces can be lengthy and complicated, it is not always the case. Uncontested divorces or those with minimal assets and no children can be finalized relatively quickly. The duration of the divorce process depends on various factors, including the complexity of the issues involved, the level of cooperation between the parties, and the efficiency of the legal system in the jurisdiction where the divorce is filed.

Divorce is More Common Among Younger Couples

Finally, while it is true that divorce rates are highest among those who marry young, divorce can happen at any age or stage of a marriage. People’s circumstances and priorities change over time, and sometimes couples grow apart or face irreconcilable differences. It is important to recognize that divorce does not discriminate based on age and can affect individuals in various stages of their lives.

If you have any questions regarding divorce in NJ, call (201) 845-7400 for a free consultation.

Divorce and Stress

In considering the connection between divorce and anxiety and depression, we need to look at the overall level of stress that can be associated with marriage dissolution. The process of divorce often involves high levels of stress, which can contribute to the development or exacerbation of anxiety and depression. From making the decision to separate to navigating the legal proceedings, divorce can be a highly stressful experience. The constant emotional and logistical challenges that arise during this process can take a toll on individuals’ mental well-being and contribute to the onset or worsening of anxiety and depression.

Divorce and Loss, Grief, and Loneliness

Divorce can lead to feelings of loss, grief, and loneliness, which are common triggers for anxiety and depression. The end of a marriage can bring about a profound sense of loss, not only of the relationship itself but also of shared dreams, goals, and future plans. This loss can evoke feelings of grief and sadness, which can contribute to the development of anxiety and depression. Additionally, the loss of a partner can leave individuals feeling lonely and isolated, further impacting their mental health.

Financial Strain and the Connection Between Divorce and Anxiety and Depression

The financial strain that often accompanies divorce can contribute to feelings of anxiety and depression. Divorce can lead to a significant decrease in household income, as individuals may have to divide assets, pay legal fees, and support two separate households. The financial burden and uncertainty that result from these changes can create a sense of anxiety and worry about one’s future financial stability and well-being.

Alteration of Living Arrangements

When it comes to a connection between divorce and anxiety and depression, marriage dissolution can result in changes in living arrangements, which can disrupt social support systems and contribute to feelings of isolation. Separating from a spouse often involves changes in living situations, such as moving to a new home or neighborhood. These changes can disrupt individuals’ social support systems, as they may no longer have the same network of friends and acquaintances. This loss of social connections can contribute to feelings of loneliness and isolation, which are risk factors for anxiety and depression.

Challenges of Co-Parenting

Co-parenting challenges and conflicts after divorce can lead to ongoing stress and anxiety. When children are involved, divorced individuals often have to navigate co-parenting arrangements and make joint decisions with their ex-spouse. Disagreements, conflicts, and challenges in co-parenting can create ongoing stress and anxiety, as individuals may worry about the well-being and adjustment of their children. The constant need to communicate and coordinate with a former partner can also be emotionally draining and contribute to mental health difficulties.

Impact of Divorce on Self-Esteem and Self-Worth

Individuals going through divorce may experience a loss of self-esteem and self-worth, which can contribute to the development of anxiety and depression. The end of a marriage can lead to feelings of failure, rejection, and inadequacy. Individuals may question their self-worth and struggle with a diminished sense of confidence and self-esteem. These negative self-perceptions can contribute to the development or exacerbation of anxiety and depression.

Divorce and New Relationships

Divorce can result in significant life changes, such as adjusting to single parenthood or navigating new relationships, which can increase stress and contribute to mental health difficulties. Following a divorce, individuals may have to adapt to being a single parent, which can be overwhelming and demanding. Additionally, individuals may enter new relationships or dating scenarios, which can bring about their own set of challenges and stressors. These significant life changes can increase stress levels and contribute to mental health difficulties, including anxiety and depression.

Overall Emotional Toll of Divorce

The emotional toll of divorce, including feelings of betrayal, anger, and resentment, can contribute to the development of anxiety and depression. Divorce is often accompanied by a range of intense emotions, such as betrayal, anger, and resentment. These emotional experiences can be overwhelming and difficult to process, leading to heightened levels of anxiety and depression. The emotional upheaval and turmoil associated with divorce can have a profound impact on individuals’ mental well-being. Therefore, if you are facing a divorce and experiencing anxiety and/or depression you should seek the help of a therapist. If you have any legal questions concerning a divorce in NJ, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free consultation.

Communicate with Your Child

 Before the overnight visit, talk to your child about what to expect during the visit. Explain that it is a normal part of spending time with both parents and reassure them that you will be back to see them soon. Acknowledge that your child may have some concerns or questions about the planned parenting time and encourage them to express themselves openly.

Visit the Location Beforehand

 If the overnight parenting time is taking place in a new location, try to visit beforehand so your child can become familiar with the surroundings. This will help your child feel more comfortable and confident when they arrive for the overnight visit. If it is not possible to visit the location beforehand, consider sharing pictures or videos of the place with your child.

Pack a Comfort Item

Allow your child to pack a comfort item such as a stuffed animal or favorite blanket to take with them. This item can provide your child with a sense of security and familiarity in an unfamiliar environment.

Maintain Routines

Try to maintain your child’s regular routine as much as possible. This includes bedtime routines, meal times, and any other activities that are part of their normal schedule or day-to-day life. Keeping things consistent can help your child feel more at ease while they are away from home.

Provide Contact Information

Make sure your child has your contact information. This can help your child feel more secure and confident during the overnight visit.

Discuss Rules and Expectations

Talk to your child about any rules or expectations that may be different during the overnight parenting time session. This can help to avoid confusion or misunderstandings. For example, if your child is not allowed to watch television at home, but they are allowed to watch it during the overnight stay, make sure your child understands that this is a special exception.

Keep Communication Open

Encourage your child to talk about their feelings and experiences during the overnight stay. Listen to their concerns and provide support as needed. If your child is feeling homesick or missing one of their parents, reassure them that these feelings are normal and that they will pass.

Arrange a Call or Video Chat

Consider arranging a call or video chat with your child during the overnight. This can help to reassure them that you are still there for them. It can also give you an opportunity to check in with your child and see how they are doing.

Keep it Positive

In preparing for the overnight stay, be sure to keep the overall tone of the experience positive. Emphasize the fun aspects of the overnight stay and reassure your child that it is a normal part of spending time with both parents. Make sure your child knows that both parents love them and want them to be happy.

In addition to these tips, remember that every child is unique and may have different needs and concerns. It is important to be patient and understanding with your child during this process. It may take some time for your child to adjust to the new routine, but with your support and encouragement, they will feel more comfortable and confident during their overnight experience.

Finally, preparing a child for an initial overnight stay with the noncustodial parent is a situation that emphasizes the need for cooperative parenting. In the grand scheme of things, your child will be better prepared and have a better experience in regard to their first overnight stay with the noncustodial parent when both parents work together to ensure that an elementary aged child is comfortable with what is planned for them. If you have any questions concerning child custody, call 201 845-7400 for a free consultation,

Manhattan Project and Family Life

The project was so secretive that most of the workers didn’t even know what they were working on, and their families were kept in the dark about their work. Despite these challenging conditions and the high-stakes nature of the work, divorce rates among Manhattan Project workers were lower than the national average at the time, according to a study conducted during the early 1940s. In other words, researchers concluded that the impact of work on marriage in the case of the Manhattan Project was not as significant as anticipated or presumed.

Reasons Why Divorce Rates was Lower Among Manhattan Project Workers

The study on impact of employment on marriage found that divorce rates among Manhattan Project workers were about half the national average during the early 1940s. This was surprising, given the long hours, hazardous conditions, and isolation from family and friends that the workers experienced. However, some factors may have contributed to these lower divorce rates. For instance, the workers received good pay and benefits, which may have helped to support their families. Additionally, the close-knit community of workers on the project may have provided a support system for families.

Challenges of Manhattan Project: Impact of Employment on Marriage Among Workers

Despite these factors, working on the Manhattan Project was undoubtedly a challenging experience for many individuals and families involved. Workers were not allowed to bring their families with them, which contributed to high levels of stress and isolation. The secrecy surrounding the project also meant that workers had to keep their work and the true purpose of the project a secret from their loved ones, which could have put additional strain on their marriages.

Moreover, some workers may have found it difficult to adjust to civilian life after being involved in such a high-pressure and secretive project. The transition from working on such a significant technological achievement to returning to life outside the project would have undoubtedly been difficult for many workers. Additionally, some workers may have experienced health problems related to their work on the project, which could have put additional strain on their marriages.

It’s also worth noting that divorce rates increased after the war ended, and workers began to leave the project. This may have been due to the fact that the workers were readjusting to civilian life and experiencing new stresses and challenges. Many workers had to find new jobs and adjust to life outside the project, which could have put additional strain on their marriages.

Facts and Stats About Impact of Employment on Marriage in 2023

Drawing from the Oppenheimer film and what did and did not happen to projects involved in the real-life Manhattan project, we conclude with a look at facts and stats associated with work and marriage in this day and age.

• According to a study by the American Sociological Association, couples in which the husband is unemployed are 33% more likely to divorce.
• A study by the University of North Carolina found that marriages in which the wife earns more than the husband are more likely to end in divorce.
• A survey by the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts found that 57% of divorces involve disputes over finances.
• A study by the University of Oxford found that couples in which both partners work full-time are 30% more likely to divorce than couples in which only one partner works.
• A study by the University of Virginia found that couples who work non-traditional hours (such as night shifts or weekends) are more likely to divorce.
• A study by the University of Minnesota found that job loss is associated with a higher risk of divorce.
• A study by the University of California, Berkeley found that couples who work in the same industry are more likely to divorce than couples who work in different industries.

If you are considering filing for a divorce in New Jersey, call (201) 845-7400 for a free consultation.

Assist Parents to Understand the Impact of Divorce

The purpose of the PEP is to help parents understand the wide-ranging impact of marriage dissolution on children, and to provide them with the tools they need to help their children through the process. The program aims to educate parents about the impact of divorce on the emotional and psychological well-being of their children, and how they can decrease the possibility for negative implications of divorce on their children.

PEP is Education and Not Counseling

PEP is not a counseling session, but rather an educational program. The program is designed to be informative and practical, with a focus on providing parents with the tools they need to help their children through the process of divorce.

Components of PEP?

The PEP is a four-hour program that is offered in person or online. The program covers a range of topics, including the ways in which divorce proceedings can impact children, communication skills, co-parenting strategies, and legal issues related to custody and visitation. The program is led by trained professionals who have backgrounds in working with families going through a New Jersey marriage dissolution process.

When PEP Must be Undertaken

Parents must attend the PEP within 90 days of the filing of the divorce complaint. Failure to attend the program can result in sanctions, including fines or even loss of custody. It is important for parents to understand that the PEP is not optional, and that attendance is required in order to comply with the law. An experienced New Jersey lawyer can provide you with an detailed explanation of the various legal requirements associated with divorce proceedings.

Cost of PEP

The cost of the PEP varies depending on the provider, but it typically ranges from $50 to $100. The program is offered by a variety of providers throughout the state, and parents can choose the provider that works best for them. Some providers offer the program in multiple languages, and some offer the program online for added convenience.

Three Benefits of New Jersey Divorce Parent Education Program

There are a trio of benefits associated with PEP. These are:

1. New Jersey Parent Education Program can be useful in fostering a co-parenting relationship between divorcing parents. Divorce can create a lot of tension between parents, which can make it difficult for them to work together effectively. PEP is designed to help parents understand how to create a parenting plan that works for them and their children. The program also helps parents learn how to communicate effectively, which can be especially important when it comes to co-parenting.
2. Divorce can be especially hard on children, and it’s important for parents to understand how their children are feeling. PEP can assist divorcing spouses who are parents understand the emotional impact of a marriage dissolution case on children and give them the tools they need to support their children through the process.
3. The New Jersey Parent Education Program can be helpful in aiding divorcing parents to avoid unnecessary conflict. Co-parenting can be difficult, and disagreements can arise. A PEP can help parents learn how to work through disagreements effectively and avoid future conflicts. This can help parents avoid court battles in the future, which can be expensive and emotionally draining.

In conclusion, the New Jersey Divorce Parent Education Program is an important requirement for parents who are going through a divorce. It provides valuable information and resources to help parents and their children through this difficult time. If you are going through a divorce in New Jersey, be sure to attend the PEP and take advantage of the valuable information it provides. For a free divorce consultation call (201) 845-7400.

The seven key benefits of using video communication to keep close to kids after divorce are:

• Staying connected
• Better communication
• Sharing experiences
• Build strong relationships
• Flexible scheduling
• Cost effective
• Peace of mind

We discuss each of these important benefits in turn.

Stay Connected

Using video communication, parents can stay connected with children when kids are at the other parent’s home. Video communication provides a sense of closeness and comfort, which is essential for parents and children alike. A keyway in which parents and children can maintain meaningful relationships after divorce is through regular connections between mothers, fathers, and kids.

Better Communication

Video communication allows for better interpersonal connection than just a phone call. A parent can see a child’s facial expressions and body language, which can help for better understanding and more meaningful communication. When talking on the telephone and when texting, confusion over what is being conveyed can happen with some degree of regularity.

Share Experiences

Using video communication allows parents and children to share experiences as if everyone is in the same room. For example, a parent can read a bedtime story to them or help them with their homework. Keep in mind that many children are used to communicating through video apps. Therefore, they are not at all likely to have reservations about communicating with their parents through video conferencing.

Build Stronger Relationships

Video communication can help build stronger relationships between parents and children following a New Jersey divorce. Parents can have one-on-one conversations on a quite direct level. This helps to build trust and create a stronger bond between parents and children. As mentioned previously, regular communication is at the heart of building and maintaining strong relationships between parents and children in the aftermath of a New Jersey marriage dissolution proceeding.

Flexible Scheduling

Video communication allows for flexible scheduling. Video conferencing time can be arranged that works for both parents and children schedules. As children grow older, this type of flexibility is particularly important. This becomes the case because children start to have more activities and social connections of their own as they grow older.

Cost-Effective

Using video communication is cost-effective compared to traveling to spend time with children in person. You can save money on transportation, lodging, and other expenses. This cost-effectiveness is especially important for parents who live far away from their children or those who have limited financial resources.

Peace of Mind

Lastly, using video communication can give parents peace of mind knowing that they can see and talk to children regularly following a divorce. This can even come in the form of a quick video connection check-in between parents and children. This can help reduce stress and anxiety associated with not seeing them regularly.

In addition to what we have discussed, there are seven tactics to consider when it comes to utilizing video communication following a New Jersey divorce. These are:

• Create a routine
• Be present
• Make it fun
• Use different platforms
• Use different platforms
• Be patient
• Respect boundaries
• Stay positive

Adopting these tactics can go far towards enhancing the benefits of video conferencing between parents and children in the post-divorce world. Parents are wise to mutually employ video conferencing between parents and children following the end of the marriage.

In conclusion, video communication is an excellent way to stay close to your children after divorce. By following these tips, you can make the most out of your video calls and build a stronger relationship with your children. Remember to create a routine, be present, make it fun, use different platforms, be patient, respect boundaries, and stay positive. With time and effort, video communication can help you and your children navigate the challenges of divorce and maintain a healthy relationship. Call 201 845 7400 for a free consultation.

There are five more commonplace dangers associated with a do-it-yourself divorce that could have long term consequences for you:

• Making uninformed decisions
• Inability to enforce court orders
• Problems establishing residency requirements
• Missing important paperwork
• Lack of advocacy

Making Uninformed Decisions

Without proper legal advice or understanding of relevant laws, couples attempting a divorce on your own may make decisions that cost them more in the long run. Decisions regarding property division, child support, alimony payments and other vital matters should be made after careful consideration of all available options by those who understand the law and its implications.

Inability to Enforce Court Orders

A court order is only effective if there is an avenue for enforcement. If a person opts for a divorce on your own without the help of an attorney, that individual may not have access to the same enforcement mechanisms as those with legal representation. This could mean that important decisions such as custody arrangements are not followed and enforcing them becomes a challenge without the assistance of legal counsel. This definitely can leave an unrepresented individual in a disadvantaged position.

Problems Establishing Residency Requirements

There are certain New Jersey divorce residency requirements that must be met before people can file for a divorce. A do-it-yourself divorce may result in these requirements being overlooked or not properly addressed. This can result in delays or even dismissal of a New Jersey divorce case.

Missing Important Paperwork

Divorce paperwork is complex. Missing essential documents can lead to long delays or even dismissal of a divorce proceeding. An inexperienced individual attempting a do-it-yourself divorce may not be aware of all required paperwork or how it needs to be completed correctly.

Lack of Effective Advocacy

Perhaps most importantly, without legal representation there is no advocate working on behalf of a party to a New Jersey divorce case. This lack of representation and advocacy for a party “going it alone” can have a significantly negative impact when an attempt is being made to settle a marriage dissolution case. A lack of an attorney during court hearings let alone during a divorce trial can have absolutely devastating consequences.

The legal reality is that an unrepresented person in a New Jersey divorce case essentially will be held to the same standards as a licensed and experienced lawyer. In other words, mistakes made by a person pursuing a divorcer without legal representation can result in the same types of consequences, including sanctions, that would occur if these types of errors were made by a licensed lawyer.

The bottom line is that a person who pursues a divorce without an attorney places his or herself at considerable risk. It may be true that a person seeking a divorce without representation saves money on attorney fees at the start of a case. However, a very real possibility exists in many, many situations that an individual that took such a course will be faced with paying attorney fees in the long run. Indeed, the amount of money expended on attorney fees is likely to be far more because once legal counsel is hired, that lawyer will have to expend time and energy fixing problems created by the party to a divorce case that did not seek representation from a capable divorce lawyer in the first place.

Finally, in nearly all contested divorce cases in which a party does not retain a lawyer, that individual will find that the other spouse is more likely to prevail when it comes to a variety of matters that may be at issue in a particular marriage dissolution case. The best and surest way for a person to protect legal rights and interests in a divorce case is by hiring a capable, experienced, tenacious New Jersey divorce lawyer. Call us at 201 845 7400 for a free consultation.

• Maintain daily routines
• Communicate with children in an age-appropriate manner
• Appropriately reassure the kids
• Keep children abreast of custody and parenting time issues
• Listen to your kids

Maintain Daily Routines

A key strategy to employ to support your children during a divorce is to maintain preexisting daily routines whenever possible. The mere fact that you and your spouse are divorcing already serves to upend many elements of your family life. You provide an added level of stability to the lives of your children by maintaining some of the basic routines that you enjoyed before your New Jersey marriage dissolution started. Examples of daily routines include such simple things like:

• Nightly dinner time
• Attend religious services
• Participating in afterschool activities
• Other traditional family rituals and activities

Communicate with Children in an Age-Appropriate Manner

Regular and reliable communication between parent and child is always a must. Open, honest, regular communication becomes even more important when parents are divorcing.

When it comes to divorce and children, you need to make sure lines of communication remain open with your kids. A key element of divorce and children communication is to make sure that you speak with your kids using age-appropriate language. Depending on the age of your children, they will have different understandings of your divorce. Indeed, age and maturity level more generally dictate the manner in which your kids receive and process information.

Appropriately Reassure the Kids

No matter the age of your minor children, there will be a level of instability and confusion in their lives when parents elect to divorce. Your children will be no different when you and your spouse seek a marriage dissolution. When it comes to divorce and children, you need to appropriately reassure your kids about the state of their lives as you divorce. Examples of how you can reassure your kids includes such things as:

• Divorce is not the fault of your kids
• Both parents love your kids
• You want to hear from your kids when it comes to their concerns
• Your family still exists even though parents live separately

Keep Children Abreast of Custody and Parenting Time Issues

Your kids are going to want to know how, when, and where they will spend time with each parent. Your children want to know where they will be living and how that will work. In short, when it comes to divorce and your kids, they are going to want to know what is going on when it comes to different aspects of the marriage dissolution process. Chief among what they will want to know about is matters associated with custody and parenting time.

You must keep them abreast about what is going on in court and between parents in regard to these important matters. The failure to do so can leave children unnecessarily unsettled and uncomfortable.

Listen to Your Kids

Finally, when it comes to divorce and children, an important strategy to employ to support your kids is to listen to them. Carve out time to spend with your children. Encourage an environment where they feel free to ask you questions and to express their concerns about your divorce to you.

When listening to your children, do not be dismissive about what they have to say. Your kids will have very real concerns that may not seem reasonable from your vantage point. However, you must bear in mind that your children are viewing and interpreting the end of your marriage from their own vantage point.

By employing the strategies set forth in this article, you will take affirmative steps to support your kids emotionally and otherwise during the course of your divorce proceedings. Moreover, these tactics can be helpful when you and your kids begin life following the end of your marriage. Call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a consultation regarding divorce.

There are a number of ways in which the opposition in a New Jersey marriage dissolution case may take advantage of our social media activities to your detriment. With this in mind, there are a number of matters you need to bear in mind when it comes to social media and divorce and opposing counsel in your case.

Your Social Media Activity as Evidence in Your Divorce Case

Be well aware that if you find yourself in the midst of a contested divorce, your spouse’s attorney is likely to consider your social media activity. The reality is that time and again people getting a divorce take major missteps to their detriment through their social media usage. In other words, when it comes to social media and divorce, opposition attorneys are able to mine evidence from social media platforms that can then be used as evidence in the marriage dissolution proceedings.

A key point to keep in mind is that you may not even realize you have posted something detrimental to your position in your divorce case when you put it up. Creative lawyers can find evidence on your social media platforms that seems on the surface to be unthreatening to your positions in your New Jersey marriage dissolution case.

Privacy Settings are Not Foolproof

If you are like many individuals, you may think you can rely on privacy settings associated with your social media accounts to protect you from anything you post being used against you in divorce proceedings. While privacy settings can be helpful, you need to bear in mind that they are not foolproof. Odds are that even with stringent privacy settings, items you post will come to the attention of your spouse and then your spouse’s New Jersey divorce lawyer:

• You may have people on your active social media list (friends on Facebook, for example) who are in contact with your spouse, may even be in your spouse’s proverbial corner in regard to your divorce case. In other words, these people may intentionally be reporting information you post on your social media.
• There may also be instances in which a friend or family member on one of your social media pages may share information about posts you make with no ill intent. Such exposures of information on your page may also end up in the hands of your spouse and your spouse’s legal counsel.

Limit What You Post

Some New Jersey divorce attorneys actually have strict policies when it comes to social media and divorce. In a moment, this will be discussed more fully. For now it suffices to note that some divorce attorneys are firm in recommending that their clients suspend social media usage while a divorce case is pending.

The reality is that stopping the use of social media may prove difficult if not impossible for some people. This is even the case when a person is well versed on the risks of social media participation during a divorce. Therefore, a more reasonable and manageable approach is to significantly limit your use of social media during divorce.

The simplest tactic is to cut back the amount of time you use on social media while you are going through a New Jersey marriage dissolution case. If nothing else, by spending less time on social media, you lessen the odds that you will post something that causes harm to your position in your divorce case.

Follow Your New Jersey Divorce Attorney’s Advice

Finally, when it comes to social media and divorce, follow the advice of your New Jersey divorce lawyer. This includes any advice that your divorce attorney may offer to you in regard to how to address your social media usage during the course of a New Jersey marriage dissolution proceeding. Call us today at (201) 845-7400 for a consultation.

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You Must Take Budgeting Seriously

A good percentage of married couples admit that they are not particularly diligent when it comes to regularly making and keeping to a budget. In some instances, the failure to budget may seem like it did not have a huge impact on your financial status while you were married.

When you divorce, you need to become far more serious about budgeting. The fact is that your financial status likely will or has changed because of the end of your marriage. And such an alteration very well may mean that you have less money coming in. With less money available, the necessity of budgeting seriously becomes highly serious and needs to be a priority in your life.

The bottom line is that you cannot follow what really is common practice among people across the country. That is taking some time to come up with a budget but not making a commitment to follow it.

Reduce Debt, Increase Savings, Live Within Your Means

Associated with the necessity or making a keeping to a budget is the associated divorce finances trifecta:

• Reduce debt
• Increase savings
• Live within your means

Oftentimes, when it comes to divorce finances, a person exits a divorce with a cumbersome amount of debt. A relatively commonplace scenario involves a married couple that has accumulated a significant amount of marital debt. In point of fact, debt and other financial issues oftentimes are underlying or contributing factors to the disintegration of a marriage.

In addition to a notable amount of accumulated marital debt, the divorce process itself can result in a party to a marriage dissolution amassing even more debt for a variety of reasons. The point is that when post-divorce life commences, reducing debt becomes a necessary, fundamental endeavor.

Moreover, in regard to divorce finances and post-marriage dissolution life, increasing savings is also a highly recommended course of action. Following a divorce, a person oftentimes has only his or herself to rely upon for a proverbial emergency fund.

As has been noted in the budgeting discussion, living within your means following a divorce is another crucial step to take. Causing unnecessary financial distress in your post-divorce life can have unwieldy implications.

Accept Available Assistance if Needed

Finally, when it comes to divorce finances and getting your life back on track following the end of your marriage, the time may be at hand. You need to tuck your own sense of pride away to at least some degree. By this it is meant that you may find yourself with financial challenges and at the same time have a trusted family member or friend who is willing to extend assistance to you in one form or another.

The reality is that if a need for at least some financial help arises, and if you do have someone in your life who you trust and who can and is willing to assist, you have to give appropriately serious consideration to accepting assistance. Certainly, this can be done with an eye to repaying the individual or individuals who are willing to assist you during a more challenging moment in time.

Protect Your Vital Legal Interests with a Skilled, Experienced New Jersey Divorce Attorney

The first step in protecting your important legal interests if you are facing a divorce case is to schedule a free initial consultation . and case evaluation with a New Jersey lawyer you can trust. You can schedule a case evaluation and preliminary appointment with an experienced New Jersey divorce attorney at the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen by calling (201) 845-7400. A free initial consultation can be arranged any time that is convenient for you.

Rob a Married Couple of Valuable Time Spent Together

Perhaps the most frequently occurring way in which technology can have harmful effects on a marriage is robbing a couple of time together. Time and again, technology of different types can be found significantly occupying the time of one or both spouses, ultimately limiting time spent between the married couple themselves.

The typical course is for one or both spouses to gradually spend what ultimately becomes a damaging amount of time with some type of technology or device. Some describe it as putting a frog in water in which the temperature is gradually ratcheted up. The frog ends up dying in extremely hot water, not extracting itself from the situation until it is too late.

Destroy the Home and Work Barrier

The destruction of the home and work barrier is not a situation that impacts only marriages. The destruction of the home and work dividing line as the result of technology is a ubiquitous problem around the world.

When the home and work barrier is breached, a variety of negative consequences occur. Among them is a truly negative impact on a marriage.

As an aside, the impact of technology dissolving a home and work barrier not only negatively impacts the personal side of an individual’s life. It can also affect a person’s work life as well.

Negatively Impact Overall Family Time

On a related note, technology can have an overall negative impact on family time more generally. There is data that underscores that parents who are closely wed to different types of technology often are the same individuals who spend less time not only with their spouses but with their offspring as well.

Issues associated with less time spent with children because of factors like excessive time using different types of technology nearly always has an associated impact on the health and wellbeing of a marriage itself. Ultimately, technology can end up not only contributing to a move towards divorce but can impact issues surrounding child custody and parenting time if a marriage dissolution case commences.

Create an Atmosphere of Distrust

With alarming frequency, technology results in the creation of an atmosphere of distrust in a marriage. For example, a spouse might spend time on social media or texting, endeavors that focus on select individuals. Even when there is nothing untoward in any relationship by this spouse, if this type of technology-based interaction continues to increase in regularity, an atmosphere of distrust truly can develop in what amounts to a fairly short period of time.

Damage Intimate Time Together

Finally, a New Jersey marriage dissolution lawyer undoubtedly has had clients who have had issues with technology that ended up impacting a married couple’s intimate time together. This can occur for a number of reasons:

• A spouse (or both spouses) spends an inordinate amount of time utilizing certain technologies at the expense of intimate time with a marital partner.
• The overuse of technology can result in the generation of an air of distrust as discussed.
• The overuse of technology can cause anger and other negative emotions between spouses, resulting in an untenable rift within a marriage.

Retain an Experienced New Jersey Marriage Dissolution Lawyer

You best protect your important legal rights by retaining the services of an experienced, dedicated New Jersey marriage dissolution lawyer from the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen. Call us today at 201 845 7400.

• Separate your feelings from behavior
• Keep children out of the fray
• Enhance communication with other parent

Separate Feelings from Behavior

Emotions can present significant challenges when it comes to parenting in the aftermath of a divorce. Human beings by their very nature are emotionally driven in many circumstances. This particularly can prove to be the case when parents are dealing with matters associated with their children following the end of a marriage.

Understanding human nature, a key to effective parenting that is collaborative is to be able to keep emotions in check as much as possible. By doing so, the behavior of parents in regard to matters associated with their children can be more effective and productive. Tension between parents can be lessened, which results in more civil conduct between them. Ultimately, the best interests of children during and after a divorce are well served when parents are able to control unnecessary emotional outbreaks and conduct themselves in a manner that is civil if not quite friendly.

Keep Children Away from Conflict

When it comes to effective parenting that is collaborative, another key element is to keep children out of and away from conflict. This needs to occur in a number of different ways.

First, children should never be used as tools in arguments between parents. For example, a child should be used as a conduit between parents who are disagreeing over some issue.

Second, children should not be turned into bargaining chips between divorcing or divorced parents. In other words, threats of interfering with the other parent’s rights to and relationship with the children should not be made.

Finally, children should not be exposed to parents engaged in fights or other argumentative situations. Nothing good comes from a situation in which children are forced to witness their parents fight or argue.

Enhance Communication with Other Parent

At the very heart of collaborative work as parents is consistently effective communication between parents and between parents and children. In the absence of effective communication within the family unit during and after divorce proceedings, a collaborative effort to parent is not possible.

There are times when divorcing parents might want to consider obtaining professional assistance when it comes to developing and enhancing communication between themselves and with their children. Obtaining professional guidance in this area is a solid investment to ensure a healthy situation for all members of a family during and in the aftermath of a marriage dissolution case.

When it comes to enhanced communication, you need to consistently be cognizant of the tone of your voice. This is particularly the case when communicating via the telephone and not face to face.

As an aside, when it comes to enhancing communication with the other parent, consider turning to a trusted friend or family member if you need to vent about something or another. If you establish a connection with someone that you can effectively vent your frustrations and emotions to you, odds are increased that you will “blow up” in a conversation with the other parent.

Collaborative Parenting, Divorce, and Your Legal Rights

If you have made the decision to seek a divorce, the next step is to schedule a free initial consultation . with a capable, experienced New Jersey divorce lawyer. You can schedule an initial appointment and case evaluation by calling the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400. A New Jersey divorce attorney from the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen can meet with you at your convenience.

• Understand terms of divorce decree
• Begin discussions with other parent early
• Destinations matter
• Length of time matters
• Consider a written vacation plan
• Arrange for appropriate virtual connections between children and other parent

Understand Divorce Decree

When planning out of state travel with children after divorce, the first step in the process is to make sure that you understand what is and is not permitted pursuant to the terms of the marriage dissolution decree. For example, a New Jersey divorce decree may have some specific travel requirements, particular restrictions, and a pre-trip process that needs to be filed when considering an out of state vacation.

Commence Vacation Discussions Early

Open, reliable communication is important when it comes to addressing issues involving children in a post-divorce world. This certainly is the case when it comes to a parent who desires to take a child or children out of state for a vacation following the end of a marriage. By beginning discussions about an out of state vacation with the kids on a proactive basis, any potential issues can be identified early on and hopefully addressed to the satisfaction of all involved.

Destinations Matter

A parent desiring to take a child or children on a vacation outside of New Jersey following a divorce needs to understand that destinations matter. The ability to undertake intranational versus international travel can be significant. In other words, planning a vacation with the kids from New Jersey to Disney World in Florida is markedly different from proposing a holiday in the Middle East. (Indeed, depending on the existing divorce decree, permission of the court might be necessary in order to undertake an international trip with the children.)

Length of Time Matters

On a related note, in addition to a destination being a key issue, so is the length of time proposed for out of state travel. Shorter trips typically are easier to coordinate between parents. A common strategy is for an initial out of state trip to be of shorter duration. Moving forward into the future, as parents and children alike become accustomed to out of state travel, longer vacations tend to be far easier to arrange.

Vacation Plan and Itinerary

A detailed vacation plan and itinerary is recommended when it comes to a proposed vacation trip that involves taking children out of state. Such a plan and itinerary complete contact information as to where the traveling party will be staying on any given day. It is also wise to include when and how “check-ins” will be undertaken with the parent not involved with the travels during the course of a vacation.

Virtual Connections

A non traveling parent is apt to be more comfortable with children being taken out of the state for a vacation if virtual technology is taken advantage of during the course of a trip. For example, something akin to virtual parenting time can be scheduled from time to time during a trip and as agreed to between the parents (and the children, depending on their ages). Virtual parenting time sessions can be included as part of the overall plan and itinerary for the out of state vacation.

If you’ve made a reasonable effort to plan an out of state trip with children after divorce and are running into what you perceive is unreasonable interference from the other party, judicial intervention may be the appropriate step to take. You can learn more about your legal rights when it comes to post-divorce out of state travel with your children by contacting the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen. We can arrange a consultation with an experienced New Jersey divorce lawyer when you call (201) 845-7400.

Several divorce therapists and other experts have determined that there oftentimes are seven steps associated with grief and divorce. This is based on the long-used stages of grief and loss paradigm long used regarding death and dying and other losses. The seven steps or stages of grief and divorce are:

• Denial
• Pain
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Guilt
• Depression
• Acceptance

Bear in mind that the seven stages of grief and divorce discussed here do not necessarily happen in the sequence in which they are presented in this article. In addition, there are instances in which a person may experience one of these states more than one time. It is also possible for a person to experience more than one of these stages simultaneously.

Denial

Typically, an initial stage experienced by some people (but not all) who face divorce is denial. A person in this stage cannot believe that his or her marriage is ending. Denial may be evident more often in the mind of the person who is being sued for divorce as opposed to the individual that filed the case. With that said, an individual who is the person who files a divorce complaint may also experience denial even if he or she initiated the marriage dissolution case in the first instance.

Pain

It is typical during divorce proceedings for a person to feel pain or fear. Fear associated with a marriage dissolution case as part of the grief and divorce process typically is associated with uncertainty and an unknown future that likely feels as if it will be markedly different from what was experienced in married life.

Pain tends to stem from the intense emotions commonly associated with the end of a relationship. If children are involved, that level of pain can be intensified over issues life the prospect of spending less time with children going forward into the future.

Anger

Anger certainly is one of the most prevalent emotions experienced when a marriage is heading towards divorce, when a marriage dissolution case is pending, and even for some time when the court process itself has concluded. Anger can take many forms and come from many aspects of a marriage coming to an end. Some of the most frequent causes of anger evident in a marriage dissolution case include:

• Disputes over money
• Disputes over children
• Anger over the very fact a divorce is occurring
• Infidelity

Bargaining

The bargaining stage of grief and divorce tends to occur in one of two ways. In many cases, a party to a divorce will experience both levels of bargaining during the marriage dissolution process.

First, a party to a divorce may bargain with his or herself. In such a scenario, a divorcing person may make deals with his or herself along the lines of “if I do this, then that will happen.”

Second, bargaining as a stage of divorce is also exhibited in behavior between the spouses. For example, if one of the spouses is not in favor of ending the marriage, that individual may attempt to bargain with the person who filed for divorce. The individual opposed to the marriage ending might attempt to bargain to keep the marriage alive by promising to make certain changes if the person who sued for divorce will stop the case.

Guilt

Oftentimes, a party to a New Jersey marriage dissolution case will feel guilt, sometimes intense guilt. This can be associated with the state of the relationship with the other spouse. It can also be strongly present in regard to matters associated with the children.

Depression

Mental health professionals note that depression is a common emotional issue associated with divorce. If depression is particularly profound, a person involved in a divorce is wise to seek professional support and assistance.

Acceptance

If a healthy grieving process does occur, ultimately a party to a divorce accepts the state of affairs. That individual is then able to move forward with his or her life.

If you are planning on filing for a New Jersey marriage dissolution case, or if you have been sued for divorce, you need to seriously consider retaining the services of an experienced divorce attorney. You can schedule a free initial consultation . with a New Jersey divorce lawyer at the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen by calling us (201) 845-7400. We will schedule a free initial consultation . and case evaluation with a skilled, experienced New Jersey divorce attorney at your convenience.

Establish a Unified Front as Parents

Co-parenting is word that you will hear or read with some regularity when it comes to a divorce involving children. You and your spouse need to find a way to co-parent going forward into the future in order to protect the best interests of your children.

An ideal time to begin the process of co-parenting is when you inform your children that you have made a decision to divorce. If at all possible, you and your spouse should discuss the decision to seek a marriage dissolution together. The wellbeing of your children is better served if both parents share in communicating the decision to divorcer with their offspring.

You most definitely do not want to turn a session to discuss divorcer with your children into a spouse-on-spouse argument. Thus, if you sincerely believe a co-parenting session of this nature is not possible, then each parent should sit down with the children separately and discuss to discuss a pending divorce.

Use Age-Appropriate Language to Discuss Divorce

A major tactic you need to employ when it comes to children and divorce and discussing marriage dissolution with your kids is to use age-appropriate language. Simply put, you don’t want to discuss your decision to end your marriage with a high school child in the same way you broach the subject with a younger elementary school child. This may necessitate more than one conversation with your children about your decision to divorce based on their ages.

Emphasize and Then Emphasize Again that Children Bear No Fault for Divorce

You and your spouse need to make it abundantly clear to your children that they bear no responsibility for the decision to seek a divorce. The reality is that children of any age may believe that they are somehow responsible for a divorce. Children in elementary school seem most susceptible to this type of thinking.

You may find that you need to revisit the fact that a divorce is not the fault of your children more than one time. The current and future wellbeing of your children depends upon you and your spouse consistently making it clear that your children did not cause a divorce for one reason or another.

Remain Open to Questions from Your Children

Be prepared for your children to continue to rase questions during your divorce. You need to be as available as possible to honestly respond to your children’s questions. Bear in mind that in some instances, a fair and appropriate response to a child is that a particular question is not appropriate or involves an issue that is not a child’s business. With that said, that type of response (or nonresponse) should be used sparingly in regard to children and divorce questions..

Do Not Give Children False Hope that Marriage will Continue

A final point to bear in mind when it comes to children and divorce is that you need to consistently stride to avoid giving your children false hope that a marriage may recover. Oftentimes, children of different ages will harbor hope that parents will reconcile. Feeding into what usually is a false hope can be detrimental to your children. Therefore, you must always endeavor to be frank and honest with your children – using age appropriate communication – to prevent giving them false hope that you and your spouse will somehow reconcile and remain together.

Your Legal Rights in a Divorce or Child Custody Case

If you have made the decision to end your marriage, you can learn more about your legal rights and other issues associated with a New Jersey marriage dissolution case by scheduling a free initial consultation with the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen. You can schedule a free initial consultation . with a New Jersey divorce attorney from our firm at your convenience by calling our offices at (201) 845-7400.

The issues in a high-asset divorce are the same as in any divorce. Property and debts must be divided, alimony may be considered, and where children are involved, child support, custody, and visitation need to be addressed. The issue that usually makes high asset divorces more difficult, costly, and time-consuming is property division.

Spouses in high net worth divorces may own multiple properties or businesses, have investments, intellectual property, stocks, retirement accounts, and valuable items of personal property such as artwork, furniture, jewelry, and vehicles. There may be issues involving deferred compensation, stock voting rights, and real estate or business partnerships that can prove difficult to sort out.

Unless there is a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement in place, identifying, valuing, and dividing property can become complicated and often requires the assistance of multiple professionals.

As with any divorce, the first task when dealing with property is to identify what is separate and what is marital property. Whether state law employs a community property or equitable distribution scheme for property division, items determined to be separate property stay with the person who owns them. Marital property is then split close to 50/50 in community property states. In states that employ equitable distribution, marital property is to be divided fairly which does not necessarily mean equally.

Issues relating to alimony or spousal support cannot effectively be addressed until property division is worked out. The amount of alimony or whether it should be provided at all requires examining what each spouse’s financial situation will look like after the divorce.

Problems arise if one spouse’s separate property has been used to purchase or improve marital property or if separate property funds have been commingled with marital assets. Determining what remains separate and what has become community property presents the same challenge as any other divorce. However, because there is usually much more property in high-asset divorces, the process usually takes more time.

High-asset divorces are usually more costly. Both spouses need experienced attorneys who have handled high net worth divorces before. Multiple professionals will likely have to be retained to appraise property, provide financial and tax planning guidance, and determine values for business holdings and retirement accounts. Unless spouses can agree to accept and use the results of a specific professional, each spouse will need to hire his or her own professionals, further increasing divorce costs.

High-asset divorces typically take far more time to resolve. This is generally due to the amount and type of property that must be evaluated and the need for consultation with financial and tax planning specialists.

High-asset divorces often create greater frustrations for the spouses. This results from a combination of higher costs, a lengthier process and difficulties reaching an agreement that will resolve the case short of trial.

High-asset divorces often attract more publicity. If one or both spouses are celebrities or well known in the government, business, entertainment, or sports communities, the announcement of divorce will often attract media attention. This is the last thing most spouses desire.

Despite these challenges, there are positive actions that can help to resolve a high-asset divorce and reduce the stress that accompanies it.

Hire an attorney with experience handling high-asset divorces. Such an attorney will likely know how to minimize publicity. The attorney should have a list of trusted professionals employed in past divorces who can quickly be called upon to assist. Based on experience, the attorney may be able to resolve disputes through mediation or negotiation and significantly reduce the cost of litigation.

Make a list of all property. If you know a divorce is coming, copy documents related to each item that may indicate value, purchase price, or other important details. Identify items that were obtained as a gift or by inheritance, as those items are usually considered separate property. Identify which items you hope to keep following the divorce.

Don’t hide assets. Failing to disclose property that is later discovered will damage your credibility with your spouse and the court. Settlement may prove more difficult, and costs may substantially increase if a forensic accountant has to be hired to determine whether there may be any other undisclosed property.

Think outside the box. Craft creative settlement proposals and be open to creative offers. Work closely with financial and tax advisors to understand the long-term implications of retaining specific property, then brainstorm approaches that will reduce your financial liability while still obtaining a fair share of available property.

Try to maintain a positive relationship with your spouse. Seeking revenge can be financially and emotionally draining. While you may be angry or resent the situation, treating divorce as a business transaction may streamline the process in the long run. Look for solutions that address common interests and benefit both parties.

Be realistic. Understand the property distribution scheme followed in the state. If you understand how a judge will view the situation and what the likely result will be if the divorce is settled by trial, that knowledge may help keep you focused on finding ways to resolve the case short of trial.

Be patient. Realize the process is going to take some time. Do not be in a rush to settle or make snap judgments based on emotion. Being in a hurry to get the divorce over with may risk losing valuable property or incurring financial liabilities that can prove burdensome. Treat the divorce as a business transaction. Remain calm, be informed and work with your professionals to craft a strategy to follow in negotiation or mediation.

Going through a divorce is rarely a pleasant experience. However, it can be made less stressful and often less costly if you have experienced, trusted professionals assisting you. Begin by finding an attorney with a reputation for successfully resolving high asset divorces. Choosing the right professionals and maintaining a positive relationship with your spouse during the process will go a long way toward ultimately achieving a favorable result. If you have a high asset divorce call Peter Van Aulen, Esq. at (201) 845-7400.

Many people in the United States have general ideas of what is involved in divorce proceedings, even when they personally have not been involved in such cases themselves. Television shows and films regularly feature divorce cases and marriage dissolution proceedings as part of their productions. With that said, a most Americans likely are unfamiliar with a guardian ad litem and what such a person does in a divorce case.

There are three primary points of consideration when it comes to having a basic understanding of the functions of a guardian ad litem in a divorce case:

• Definition of guardian ad litem
• Types of domestic court or family court cases in which a guardian ad litem is appointed
• Guardian ad litem and child custody and parenting time issues

Definition of a Guardian Ad Litem

The training and functions of individuals appointed by courts to serve as a guardian ad litem are based on the provisions of the laws of a particular state. There can be some fairly significant differences in the laws from one state to another.

With that said, the basic definition used across the country is a person appointed by a court to watch over or protect an individual during a judicial proceeding. At first blush, this may sound like the duties of an attorney representing a party to a case. In fact, in many jurisdictions, a guardian ad litem has a law degree and additional specialized training.

A guardian ad litem is appointed to protect interests of a party or subject of a judicial proceeding that lacks capacity his or her self. These can include individuals who are incapacitated because of some sort of physical or mental health condition. They also can include minor children in domestic law or family law proceedings, including divorce cases.

Types of Domestic Court or Family Court Cases in Which a Guardian Ad Litem is Appointed

A guardian ad litem maybe appointed in a number of different types of domestic court or family court proceedings. These include:

• Divorce cases
• Post-divorce child custody disputes
• Post-divorce parenting time (visitation) disputes
• Paternity cases
• Adoption cases
• Child in need of care proceedings (child abuse and neglect cases)

Guardian Ad Litem and Child Custody and Parenting Time Issues

In divorce and post-divorce cases, a guardian ad litem is most often appointed when matters involving child custody and parenting time are at issue. A guardian ad litem may also be appointed by a judge when a contested issue concerning child support is at issue in a case.

An example of when a guardian ad litem is appointed is a divorce case in which there is a significant dispute involving child custody and parenting time. A court may designate a guardian ad litem to protect the best interests of the child or children from the marriage.

In such a situation, the designated guardian ad litem is the one individual involved in the proceedings that only has the best interests of the child or children in mind. Divorcing parents should be focused on the best interests of the child of children. With that said, they also have their own agendas in marital dissolution proceedings. Moreover, the attorneys representing the parties to a divorce have a legal responsibility to their respective clients. The child or children are not represented by the divorce lawyers.

In addition to actively protecting the legal interests of a child or children during divorce proceedings, a guardian ad litem might also be called upon to prepare a report making recommendations to the court about what is in the best interests of a child or children when it comes to custody and parenting time. Quite like each attorney has the opportunity to make an argument to the court regarding custody and visitation, a guardian ad litem is vested with authority to present to the court what that individually believes is in the best interests of a child or children when it comes to custody and parenting time.

If you are heading into divorce proceedings and have a minor child or children and are unable to reach an agreement regarding custody and parenting time issues, the prospect of the court appointing a guardian ad litem does exist. This particular is the case if your relationship with the other parent is particularly acrimonious. If you have any questions concerning a guardian ad litem, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen, at (201) 845-7400 for a consultation.

Many people are familiar with the most basic types of custody arrangements in divorce, separation, and paternity cases. They likely have some basic concept of joint custody, sole custody, and shared custody. What they probably are unfamiliar with is a fairly new custodial concept known as bird’s nest custody. With that in mind, there are some basic facts and factors important to understand about bird’s nest custody:

• Basic definition of bird’s nest custody
• Bird’s nest custody and the best interests of a child
• Enhanced stability for a child
• Challenges if a parent has a new relationship

Basic Definition of Bird’s Nest Custody

Bird’s nest custody is an arrangement in which the child or children always reside in the same residence during and after a divorce of legal separation. Each parent takes turns staying in that residence with the minor child, a process oftentimes referred to as “bird nesting.” Bird’s nest custody differs from more traditional schemes where the child shuttles back and forth between the two residences maintained by the parents.

Bird’s nest custody is a fairly new concept when it comes to divorce, legal separation, and paternity cases. It originated from a decision by a judge in the commonwealth of Virginia who found the more traditional custody arrangements to be insufficient in a case before him. Since he made that initial decision, bird’s nest visitation has increasingly become more widely used in states across the country.

Bird’s Nest Custody and the Best Interests of a Child

A consideration of whether or not bird’s nest custody is appropriate in a particular case involves the application of the best interests of a child. The best interests of a child is the standard used by courts in all U.S. jurisdictions when decisions need to be made in regard to custody and parenting time.

In determining whether bird’s nest custody is in the best interests of a child, a court examines the particular facts and circumstances of a divorce, legal separation, or paternity case. The focus is on a child’s welfare, with the particular desires of each parent being secondary considerations.

Enhanced Stability for a Child

When it comes to the matter of the best interests of a child, one point needs special attention. A primary benefit of bird’s nest custody is that it oftentimes enhances stability for a child.

In divorce and separation settings, a primary concern among child development and welfare professionals is maintaining stability for that young person. Many of these same experts maintain that bird’s nest custody has the very real potential of enhancing stability for children.

First and foremost, a child is not being shuttled from one house to another. The child has a solid home base and the parents come to him or her.

Second, a child can maintain consistent contact with friends. The connection with peers is considered highly important generally for young people, and particularly so for children in a divorce setting.

Third, as a general rule, bird’s nest custody makes school related activities easier for a child to access. Oftentimes, only one parent lives in relatively close proximity to a child’s school, which can be problematic at least to some degree when it comes to consistency with school programming and activities.

Challenges if a Parent has a New Relationship

Bird’s nest custody can prove problematic in some instances when a parent establishes a new primary relationship. For example, if a parent remarries, that new spouse is going to need to be on board with the practices associated with bird’s nest visitation. The new spouse is going to need to be accepting of the idea that the parent involved in a bird’s nest custody arrangement will be out of the home and at the child’s residence with regularity.

This scenario can prove particularly challenging when a parent not only remarries but begins raising a family with the new spouse. Indeed, that type of situation may suggest the need to reconsider bird’s nest custody in some circumstances.

In the final analysis, when it comes to determining what type of custody arrangement works best in a particular situation, it behooves parents to keep an open mind. Certainly, a more traditional custody arrangement may be in the best interests of a child and work well for a set of parents. Having said that, the particular circumstances of a divorcing or divorced family may warrant a close consideration of the pros and cons of bird’s nest custody. If you have any questions concerning bird’s nest custody, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a consultation.

Parenting time is the legal term of art applied to the time noncustodial parents spend with children in divorce, legal separation, and paternity actions. The phrase “parenting time” has been broadly adopted in the past generation as a replacement to “visitation,” the long-used term used to identify the time spent between noncustodial parents and children. Generally, parenting time should be regular and generous. The objective is to ensure that noncustodial parents and children develop meaningful relationships. Understanding this basic background, situations to arise when supervised parenting time or visitation becomes necessary.

A number of points warrant discussion when considering supervised parenting time. These include:

• Overview of parenting time supervision
• Situations that give rise to need for parenting time supervision
• Termination of supervised parenting time
• Suspension of parenting time

Overview of Parenting Time Supervision

When an issue arises as to whether parenting time should be supervised, a court applies a judicial standard that focuses on what is in the best interests of a child. Supervised parenting time is instituted when protecting and preserving the best interests of a child necessitates this step, a move that is considered drastic in the grand scheme of things.

When ordered, a court-designated third party is named by the court to be present when a parenting time session occurs between a noncustodial parent and a child. Depending on the specific facts and circumstances in a case, the individual designated to supervise parenting time might be a trusted family member.

In cases in which the situation giving rise to the need for supervised parenting time is more substantial or significant, a professional of some sort might be designated by the court to supervise visitation. In such a scenario, a social worker or similar professional may be called upon to serve this role.

As will be discussed in greater detail in a moment, supervised parenting time is not intended to be a state of affairs that continues indefinitely. Rather, the intended objective is that the issue that resulted in the imposition of supervised parenting time is rectified or addressed. For example, if a noncustodial parent has an issue with the abuse of mind-altering substances, sobriety and recovery is the objective in order to commence standard, unsupervised parenting time.

Situations that Give Rise to Need for Parenting Time Supervision

The specific facts and circumstances of an individual case dictate whether or not a court should order supervised parenting time. With that noted, there are a number of situations that prove to be more commonplace when supervised parenting time is instituted. These situations include, but are not limited to:

• Noncustodial parent laboring under substance use disorder (drug abuse, drug addiction, alcoholism)
• Noncustodial parent alleged to be verbally or emotionally abusive to or around the child
• Noncustodial parent alleged to have perpetrated or threatened physical abuse on the child
• Noncustodial parent alleged to have been negligent in caring for a child in his or her custody

Termination of Supervised Parenting Time

The ultimate objective is for supervised parenting time to be terminated. The goal is to return to unsupervised or “normal” parenting time in the shortest time period possible. When the underlying reason that motivated the imposition of supervised parenting time is addressed, a return to a normal state of affairs typically is the course taken.

Suspension of Parenting Time

There are instances in which the reason supervised parenting time was imposed doesn’t resolve. One of the most common of these scenarios is one in which a noncustodial parent is laboring under the abuse of or addiction to some type of mind-altering substance.

When the underlying issue that results in the institution of supervised parenting time does not resolve, a noncustodial parent can face a suspension of parenting time entirely. Suspension represents the most serious step that can be taken in regard to a noncustodial parent’s parenting time.

Suspension of parenting time may not be permanent. With that said, even supervised parenting will not be restored unless and until the reason causing suspension is suitably addressed and rectified.

Situations in which supervised parenting time becomes an issue can represent a legally challenging and emotionally intense state of affairs. As a result, when a move occurs to institute supervised parenting time, a parent involved in such a situation is wise to seek representation from an experienced, skilled child custody attorney. Call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201)845-7400 for a consultation concerning parenting time.

In the United States, there are two different schemes through which a couple can obtain a divorced. These are a fault divorce and a no-fault divorce. A fault divorce requires a person seeking to end a marriage to demonstrate some type of “wrongdoing” (like adultery). A no-fault divorce doesn’t require a demonstration of wrongdoing. Rather, a person seeking a no-fault divorce typically must demonstrate irreconcilable differences, that the parties can no longer successfully live together as husband and wife. There are five important benefits associated with a no-fault divorce:

• Designed to make divorce less emotionally charged
• Crafted to be a faster way to pursue divorce
• Intended to reduce costs associated with divorce
• Enhances prospects for better communication between parties
• Causes less stress for children

Designed to Make Divorce Less Emotionally Charged

Even a divorce considered “uncontested” has its share of emotions. When the need to prove some sort of fault in order to end a marriage is required, the level of emotions associated with a divorce naturally are apt to amp up.

One of the more important benefits associated with a no-fault divorce is that this type of marriage dissolution case has a greater possibility to be less emotionally charged. Ramped up emotions in a divorce case oftentimes results in parties making decisions based on their passions rather than reflective deliberation. In the end, intelligent, reflective, less emotional decision making in a divorce proceeding is to the ultimate benefit of both spouses.

Crafted to be a Faster Way to Pursue Divorce

Another benefit associated with a no-fault divorce is that not having to cast blame usually permits marriage dissolution proceedings to move along at a faster pace. The bottom line is that no one really wants to divorce case to drag on and on. Even lawyers find extended divorce cases to be frustrating and even problematic.

Intended to Reduce Costs Associated with Divorce

Very, very few people enter a divorce case unconcerned about the expense of the process. Another benefit associated with no-fault divorce is that it can reduce the costs associated with ending a marriage. For example, because a no-fault divorce is likely to prove to be more efficient, a divorcing couple will spend less money on attorney fees. Other divorce related costs are likely to be reduced as well when the no-fault process is used.

Enhances Prospects for Better Communication Between Parties

A less emotionally charged divorce permits the parties to such a case the ability to have smoother communication with one another. Decent communication is particularly important when children are involved in the mix. Decent communication between divorcing or divorced spouses with children enhances their ability to effectively and productively so-parent, which advances the best interests of their children.

There are other benefits associated with improved communication beyond those associated with or connected to children. Improved communication allows for a less emotional, more efficient pathway to conclude a divorce case in the first instance. Improved communication also allows for easier problem solving when issues arise after the granting of a divorce decree. (Merely because a marriage has ended does not mean that some type of issue might arise at a future point in time, including in situations in which the parties do not have minor children.)

Causes Less Stress for Children

A primary reason why many states elected to develop no-fault divorce schemes in the first instance is the belief that this type of marital dissolution proceeding would prove to be less stressful for the children of a divorcing couple. When emotions between divorcing parents are kept in check, children typically can better navigate not only the process of their parents’ marriage ending but life after a decree is issued by a court as well.

30 years ago, no-fault divorce was becoming the common way in which divorces were conducted. This was after generations of fault divorces being the status quo in the United States. In more recent years, some states have deviated from the no-fault divorce model and began introducing legislation that once again permits fault divorce. Nonetheless, oftentimes the benefits of no-fault divorce prove more attractive than what is offered via a fault divorce. Thus, even in states that offer both fault and no-fault divorce, most people opt for the no-fault model. If you have any questions about a no-fault divorce in New Jersey, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free initial consultation.

During the early stages of a divorce case, the parties to a marriage dissolution are required by law and order of the court to provide a verified listing of assets and debts. The parties must provide their respective list to the “opposing side” and file a copy with the court as well. A verified listing of assets and debts means that it is filed with the court under penalty of perjury. In New Jersey, this list of assets and debts are included in a Case Information Statement that is required to be filed with the court.  Unfortunately, referenced to a perjury penalty sometimes is not sufficient to prevent a spouse in a divorce from filing an incomplete accounting of assets. There are five signs that your spouse may be hiding assets in a divorce case:

• Spouse has a history of dishonesty when it comes to finances
• Spouse has a history of keeping you in the dark regarding finances
• Spouse owns a business
• Spouse has made threats associated with property
• Asset list provided by spouse appears incomplete

Spouse has a History of Dishonesty when it comes to Finances

You may be married to a person who has a history of being dishonest with you in regard to financial issues. The reality is that many divorces arise out of disputes associated with property and debts. If your spouse has an established track record of being less than transparent in regard to assets, you would be prudent to start from the position in your divorce case that your spouse’s asset disclosures are likely to be incomplete.

Spouse Has a History of Keeping You in the Dark Regarding Finances

In many marriages, one spouse plays a primary role in overseeing the couple’s finances. This may have been the proverbial natural state of your marriage. You were responsible for certain matters and your spouse for others, including finance management. Your spouse may not have been dishonest regarding finances in the past, you just were not fully involved with such matters. If your spouse kept you in the dark regarding financial matters during the marriage, that practice may carry forth into the divorce, when your spouse may have an eye on keeping a larger share of property than he or she is entitled.

Spouse Owns a Business

If your spouse started a business before or during the marriage, he or she may have a natural inclination to be less than (or even far from) transparent when it comes to financial issues related to that enterprise. The reality is that, absent a prenuptial agreement regarding a previously existing business, you have a legal interest in such an enterprise. Your spouse may fail to fully disclose assets associated with a business on the pretense that he or she is protecting the welfare of the company. You are entitled to a full and complete accounting of such assets.

Spouse has made Threats Associated with Property

In many divorce cases, one spouse may make threats regarding property. For example, a spouse might assert that unless he or she is given the parenting time (or visitation) desired, that individual will keep certain assets to his or herself. When this type of threat is made, a fair response is to double down to make certain that the spouse who makes such remarks fully discloses assets. The stark reality is that when a party in a divorce threatens to do something untoward regarding assets, that individual many times will follow through on such a threat in some manner.

Asset List Provided by Spouse Appears Incomplete

In this day and age, even in a marriage in which one spouse has primary responsibility for overseeing financial issues, the other spouse usually has a decent idea of what the couple has in the way of assets. If you receive an accounting of assets from your spouse in a divorce that seems incomplete, operate on that assumption until it is proven otherwise.

If you sincerely believe that your spouse is hiding assets, you need to be as proactive as possible to protect your very real legal and financial interests. If you have not already done so, when an issue regarding asset disclosure arises, you are wise to give serious thought to retaining the assistance of a skilled, experienced divorce lawyer. If you have any questions concerning a divorce in New Jersey, contact the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free initial consultation.

Time and again in marriage dissolution proceedings and post-divorce cases, the most contentious matters center on child custody. A pervasive problem during and after divorce proceedings is a noncustodial parent interfering with a standing child custody order of the court. With this in mind, there are some more commonplace issues that arise in regard to interference with child custody. In each of the 50 states, there are some effective remedies in place to address interference with child custody.

Overview of Child Custody

The laws in the 50 states provide for two categories of child custody. These are legal custody and physical custody. Legal custody is defined as the authority of a parent to make major life decisions on behalf of a minor child. Legal custody can be exercised by one parent or shared by both, depending on the agreement of the parties or order of the court. Matters that encompass major life decisions include those related to education, religion, and healthcare.

In very basic terms, physical custody involves with which parent a child resides during and after divorce proceeds. Physical custody is also known as residential custody in some jurisdictions.

Physical custody can take a number of different forms, depending on the laws of a particular state. Examples include joint custody in which parents share physical custody of a child, with one parent typically being designated as the primary residential custodian.

Commonplace Scenarios Involving Custodial Interference

Some of the more common types of interference with child custody include:

• Failure to return a child from visitation or parenting time
• Failure to return a child from visitation or parenting time in a timely manner
• Undermining the reasonable authority of the custodial parent
• Harassment of the custodial parent
• Unreasonable intrusion (either physically or via an electronic means) with the life of the custodial parent
• Meddling with issues involving major life decisions of a child when a particular parent lacks joint legal custody

Remedies for Interference with Child Custody

A custodial parent should not engage in what fairly can be called “self-help” if an issue arises regarding interference with child custody. For example, if a noncustodial parent interferes with child custody by failing to return children from a period of parenting time or visitation in a timely manner, the custodial parent should not stop visitation on his or her own volition. There are lawful steps a custodial parent can and should take if custodial interference occurs. Each of these remedies are discussed in turn and include:

• Motion to enforce custody order
• Motion for sanctions
• Motion for contempt
• Motion to alter parenting time schedule
• Motion for supervised parenting time
• Motion to suspend parenting time
• Motion to change custody

Motion to enforce custody order: Typically, the first step in remedying custodial interference is to file a motion to enforce an existing custody order. Some might call this something of a proverbial “slap on the wrist,” but it lays groundwork for further and more serious sanctions if custodial interference continues.

Motion for sanctions: If custodial interference does continue, the next step is to pursue a motion for sanctions. In other words, a custodial parent seeks enforcement of the exiting custody order and something along the lines of monetary sanctions (including attorney fees) charged to the offending parent.

Motion for contempt: A more severe penalty which can include significant judicial sanctions. A judge even has the authority to jail a person in response to continued failure to follow court orders.

Motion to alter parenting time schedule: If custodial interference persist, a court can reduce the offending parents parenting time or visitation with the child.

Motion for supervised parenting time: If prior sanctions and enforcement orders do not deter custodial interference, a court can order supervised parenting time.

Motion to suspend parenting time: If custodial interference continues without abatement despite judicial intervention and the use of other remedies, the offending party’s parenting time can be suspended completely.

Motion to change custody: Finally, if custodial interference carries on in flagrant disregard of standing court orders, the custodial parent can be granted sole custody with no parenting time granted to the offending party.

The need to avoid self-help in the aftermath of custodial interference cannot be stressed enough. The courts are littered with cases in which custodial interference occurred and yet a custodial parent ended up penalized for exercising self-help rather than seeking a judicial remedy. Oftentimes, the wisest course is to seek legal representation to remedy a situation involving custodial interference. If you have any questions concerning child custody in New Jersey, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a consultation.

A parenting time order establishes when a noncustodial parent will be with the child or children born in a partnership (or an order handed down in a paternity case). Parenting time historically had been known as visitation. The term has changed in most jurisdictions to reflect the fact that a noncustodial parent and a minor child should not be reduced to the position of being visitors in each other’s lives. Circumstances may arise when a desire arises to change a parenting time order. There are some facts and factors to bear in mind when it comes to the process to alter or amend a parenting time order:

• Seek agreement to change parenting time order
• Judicial standard when seeking to change parenting time
• Suspend parenting time due to an emergency
• Motion to alter or amend parenting time order

Seek Agreement to Change Parenting Time Order

There is a legitimate preference for divorced parents to work together when it comes to matters associated with their children. If a situation arises in which a change of parenting time is considered for one reason or another, in an ideal state the parents should try to work out an agreement between them regarding a change of a parenting time order.

If parents can reach an agreement regarding a change to a parenting time order, they save time and money as well as lower the level of stress and other emotions that can be associated with a dispute surrounding a parenting time issue.

Once an agreement is reached, the new parenting time parameters are committed to written form. The written agreement is then submitted to the court for approval. A judge is called upon to confirm that the proposed parenting time charge satisfies the best interests of the child or children.

Judicial Standard when Seeking to Change Parenting Time

Speaking of the best interests of a child when a change of parenting time order is at issue, that represents the official legal standard used by a court in this type of situation. When considering what is in the best interests of a child regarding parenting time, a court considers a variety of factors that may include:

• Living situations of both parents
• Physical, mental, and emotional health of the parents
• Preference of a child (depending on that minor’s age and maturity level)

Suspend Parenting Time Due to an Emergency

As a general rule, a change in parenting time is not something that happens immediately. Even when there is an agreement between the parties, obtaining approval from the court can take at least some time.

If an emergency arises, the possibility exists for an immediate alteration in parenting time, at least for a temporary period. Such an alteration would remain in place until a court can have a hearing on the reason an emergency change in an existing parenting time order is deemed necessary.

In this type of scenario, a court is apt to suspend parenting time until a hearing can be held. In the alternative, a judge might order parenting time be supervised.

An emergency change in parenting time can occur for several reasons. For example, if the noncustodial parent is alleged to have a substance abuse issue that jeopardizes the welfare of a child, an emergency suspension of parenting time might occur.

Motion to Alter or Amend Parenting Time Order

When parents are at odds regarding altering or amending a parenting time order, the parent desiring to make such a change files a motion with the court. Once a motion has been filed with the court, the court will may schedule the matter for oral augment or hear the matter on the papers. In most cases in New Jersey the Judge is required to have a plenary hearing to modify an existing custody and parenting time order. At the hearing, both parents are provided an opportunity to present evidence and testimony from witnesses to support their respective positions on whether a parenting time order should be changed. If you have any question concerning modifying a custody or parenting time order in New Jersey, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 887-0461 for a fee initial consultation.

Marriages made for and on TV generally do not last, and one of the most successful media-created marriages will soon come to an end. The Bachelorette Ashley Hebert dated 25 men during the TV series in 2011. In the end, she chose J.P. Rosenbaum, and he proposed to her on the final series episode. In 2012, they were married during a two-hour television special.

In July 2014, they moved from New York to Miami after real estate entrepreneur Rosenbaum received a job offer. The couple has two children. Their son, Fordham, is 6 and a daughter, Essex, recently turned 4.

While the couple stayed out of the spotlight for the most part, in 2017 they appeared on Marriage Boot Camp, another TV reality show. At the time, Rosenbaum said, “We have small issues like every couple has.” Ashley added that the couple agreed to be on the show to improve their relationship “even more.”

They renewed their vows during a trip to Aruba in 2018. In late 2019, Rosenbaum was diagnosed with Guillain-Barre syndrome, an autoimmune disorder that damages nerves causing muscle weakness and, on occasion, paralysis. After months of therapy, he appears to have substantially recovered.

On October 14, 2020, Ashley announced that, following months of separation, she and Rosenbaum had amicably decided to go their separate ways. Apparently, trouble had been brewing in paradise for some time.” Our differences have taken a toll on our relationship, and after years of attempting to repair the damage, we’ve decided that it is in our family’s best interest to create new and separate lives for our children,” she wrote.

Rosenbaum added in an Instagram post that no one was to blame. “There’s no event that triggered this decision,” he wrote. “I think we’ve come to realize that we are just two very different people.”

Applying New Jersey Law

While it is most likely that Florida law will determine how divorce issues are resolved for Hebert and Rosenbaum, it is interesting to examine how New Jersey law might apply to their situation.

New Jersey has both fault-based and no-fault divorce. In a fault-based divorce, at least one spouse alleges specific misconduct that is the reason for divorce. This may include adultery, desertion, extreme cruelty or other issues.

In a no-fault divorce, a spouse only needs to state that there are irreconcilable differences that have resulted in the marriage being irretrievably broken for at least six months. No-fault divorces tend to be resolved more quickly.  Given Rosenbaum’s statement that no one was to blame and Ashley’s post that the split was amicable, under New Jersey law they most likely would pursue a no-fault divorce.

Property division in New Jersey follows the theory of equitable distribution. Spouses retain their separate property which includes property acquired before marriage, gifts and inheritances. Property acquired during the marriage is to be divided fairly but not necessarily equally.

A judge asked to divide property will consider a variety of factors to determine what is fair.  These include age, financial situation and health of the spouses, length of the marriage and what each contributed to the marriage among other issues.

The Bachelorette Ashley Hebert and Rosenbaum recently listed their 18,606 square-foot Miami home for sale for $1.15 million. This is likely the largest asset acquired during the marriage. Given that both spouses have careers with decent incomes, they may very well choose to split the proceeds equally.

An award of spousal support, or alimony, can be ordered for several purposes including equalizing the financial status of the spouses or to allow one spouse to obtain needed training and education to become self-supporting. More than a dozen factors can come into play including the length of the marriage, age and health of each spouse, the standard of living enjoyed during the marriage and the ability of a spouse to pay.

Rosenbaum’s health issues could be relevant although he appears to have recovered. Rosenbaum is 43 and Hebert is 35. Both have established careers with significant incomes. It is unlikely spousal support will be an issue under these circumstances.

Child support, custody and visitation issues are the most likely matters to create disputes, although it is a good sign that Rosenbaum stated that, “Our ultimate focus is to co-parent our kids to the best of our ability.”

Custody has both legal and physical aspects. Custody and visitation provisions are to be made in the children’s best interests.

Legal custody involves making major decisions such as those related to education, health care or religious upbringing. Physical custody involves where the children will reside. There does not appear to be any past behavior that suggests contact with either parent should be limited. Given the amicability of the split and the desire to actively co-parent, legal custody will probably be joint.

Physical custody may be guided by where the parents reside. If they continue to reside in Miami, the children might alternate residences frequently or have a schedule in which they live with one parent most of the time and with the other parent on alternate weekends along with short visits during the week. If the parents live in different states, the children will likely live with one parent most of the time while the other parent would have the children during extended school vacation periods.

Child support will be based primarily on state guidelines that establish amounts based on parental income. Unless a parent can prove that the guideline amount is unreasonable, the court will generally order that the amount be paid. Factors that can alter the amount include having physical custody of a child more than 28% of the time or having to pay support for a child from another relationship. However, in New Jersey if the couples’ combined net income exceeded $187.000 per year, the court would apply the guidelines up to $187,000 and then supplement the guideline award depending the needs of the children.

While the Bachelorette Ashley Hebert and J.P. Rosenbaum may be celebrities, the issues they are confronting in divorce are similar to those encountered by almost every couple ending a marriage. Amicability and achieving mutual agreement on the issues is desirable. However, anyone considering divorce should consult an experienced family law attorney to ensure that specific rights and interests are protected. If you have questions concerning a divorce in New Jersey, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a consultation.

The emotions you feel when you know that your marriage is ending can be complicated and overwhelming. Money may be the last thing on your mind when you are going through something so traumatic. However, you must not delay taking steps to protect your financial interests when you are sure that your marriage is coming to an end. Here are ten steps to take when preparing for divorce.

1. Talk to an Attorney

The first thing that you should do is talk to an attorney. You may feel that legal advice will not be necessary because you believe that you and your spouse can sort things out between yourselves. However, a divorce can become acrimonious once the process has begun. So, it will be better to have an impartial adviser on your side to explain your rights and obligations.

2. Open a New Bank Account

If you have a joint account with your spouse, you should open a bank account in your sole name as soon as possible. Closing joint accounts may not be possible immediately because you will likely have regular payments that will still need to be met. Even so, joint accounts and joint credit cards should be closed as soon as practicably possible. Keeping joint accounts open may lead to your spouse running up debts for which you will both be liable.

3. Protect Savings and Investments

The next step is to protect your joint savings and investments. You can do this by amending the mandates on savings and investment accounts to require two signatures for any withdrawals. When people get divorced, it can put a strain on both parties’ finances. The financial pressure can lead to people breaking promises and spending joint resources before the divorce has been finalized.

4. Make an Inventory of Joint Assets

You will need to agree on how you will share your joint assets with your spouse. So, you will need to have a list of all the belongings that you own jointly, including household goods, furniture, motor vehicles, appliances, and other valuables. It is easy to forget some of the possessions you have accumulated with a partner over the years. It is best, therefore, to make a thorough inventory of assets to ensure that the final split will be fair and equitable.

5. Assess Joint Debt

Agreeing on how joint debt will be split can be fraught with difficulties. Often, there will be arguments over who was responsible for things like credit card balances and overdrafts. If you can, it would be best to reduce or pay off joint debt before the divorce. If clearing the debt is not feasible, then you will need to know what joint debt there is outstanding. Consider, too, if any joint debt was initially incurred by one party before the marriage date. Debt incurred before the marriage may be classed as non-marital debt, in which case it is the responsibility of the person who incurred it.

6. Make Copies of Documents

Make copies of all the essential documents that you can find. The paperwork you need to have copies of includes bank statements, tax returns, mortgage documents, and deeds. This list is not exhaustive by any means. It would be advisable to have copies of any documents related to your joint and sole financial affairs. Do not forget to make copies of any relevant files on the family home computer.

7. Start Budgeting for One

It would also be a good idea to prepare a budget for your sole finances as soon as possible. You need to know how much money you will need to live on and what income you can expect in the future. At some point you will be moving out of the marital home, and you will then need to rent or apply for a mortgage. So, the sooner you get your finances under control, the better. If you know that divorce is on the cards, it would also be advisable to start building up some savings.

8. Start Building Your Credit History

If you do not have credit cards in your sole name, it would be an excellent idea to apply for some so that you can begin building up some credit history. You might also want to start monitoring your credit reports. Monitoring your credit reports will help you understand what you need to do to build a better credit rating, and this will also alert you if your spouse takes out or extends any loans in your joint names.

9. Keep Things as Amicable as Possible

If you and your spouse argue over every detail, your divorce will be lengthy and expensive. So, it is best to keep the process as friendly as possible. Wherever possible, try to reach an agreement between yourselves before lawyers need to get involved. However, do not give way on crucial issues merely to keep the peace.

10. Put the Children First

Finally, try not to forget the children when you are going through a divorce. They will be hurting and confused, as well. Talk to your children about what is happening and reassure them that both parents still love them. Ensure that any custody or financial settlement you reach with your spouse does not adversely affect the children. You and your spouse may have decided to part company, but your kids still need both their mom and dad.

Conclusion

Unfortunately, when people get divorced, things can get bitter. So, it would be best if you began preparing for divorce sooner rather than later if you see a divorce coming. Talk to an attorney as soon as you know that a divorce is unavoidable and start separating your finances as soon as it is practical to do so. If possible, try to keep the divorce as civilized and amicable as possible. If you have any questions concerning preparing for divorce, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for consultation.

Divorce or separation creates a new family dynamic that every member of the family has to adjust to.  This new situation can be especially difficult for children.  Thankfully, successful co-parenting can help children adjust to their new situation.  Here are five tips to help you successfully co-parent.

1. Focus on what you can agree on and the rest will take care of itself over time

It may sound difficult, but it is possible to find something to agree on with your ex when it comes to your children.  It does not matter how basic the issue or fact is that you can agree on; it’s just important to find something you agree on and use that as a starting point for conversations about your child.  If you can agree on one thing, that can lead to fruitful discussions about other topics.  For example, most parents can agree that it’s important for their child to be healthy. If you’re having a hard time thinking of a topic you can agree on with your ex, think of a topic or issue that you know your ex thinks is important.  If you can concede his/her point or you don’t feel strongly one way or another about an issue, use that topic or issue as a conversation starter.  Once you can build some common ground by agreeing on an issue, you can, over time, work up to discussing more difficult topics and work on resolutions.

2. Accept that you can’t control everything when you co-parent

You may hate the amount of screen time your child has when he is at your ex’s house.  Unless screen time becomes extremely detrimental to your child’s health, education, or welfare, the amount of screen time your child has is probably not an issue worth fighting over.  You will have to accept that your ex will likely run his/her household differently than you will and unless a child’s safety is at issue, you have no say in what happens at your ex’s house.  What you can control, however, is what happens at your house and how you react to different situations.  You can gain a great deal of peace if you learn to accept what you can and can’t control.  If you worry and fret and try to argue with someone over what you can’t control, you will drive yourself crazy and create unnecessary conflict. 

3. Have friendly, open communication

Do your best to separate how you feel about your ex and the reasons why you are separated and focus on the well-being of your children.  To that end, practice friendly, open communication.  If you are having a hard time being civil to your ex when communicating about your child, speak to your ex as if he/she were your child’s teacher.  You would give your child’s teacher a certain amount of respect and deference.  This can help you develop a new way of communicating with your ex about your child.

Your ex is your parenting partner and you have to forge a workable relationship for the best interests of your child.  Find a way to communicate that works best for both of you.  If you get along fairly well via text, do that.  If you are better at phone communication, do that.  If in-person communication works best, do that as much as possible.

In addition, inform your ex of important events and facts that he/she may not be privy to.  If your child’s game is rescheduled, let your ex know as soon as you know.  To avoid feeling like your ex’s secretary in this regard, make sure your child’s school, teacher, daycare, doctor, and coaches have both parents’ email addresses and/or phone numbers.  You can also use apps for co-parenting or simply have a shared calendar where you both can place important events on your child’s calendar.

4. Show respect to the other parent in front of your child

Your child may have a lot of questions about your separation or divorce.  It can be tricky to know how best to answer those questions and speak to your child about divorce.  The best way is to answer your child’s question in an age-appropriate and honest, but not hurtful manner.  Practice ways to explain to your child what is happening. While it’s important to be honest, your child also doesn’t need to know the in’s and outs of your relationship and separation. Always show respect for your child’s other parent when speaking about him/her in front of or to your child.  By displaying respect for your child’s other parent to and in front of your child, it will help your child to feel safe and loved. The transition to co-parenting will go much smoother for everyone.

5.   Set boundaries and respect them

It is important to respect each other’s time and space with your child.  If your ex has parenting time over the weekend, you should not try to interfere with that parenting time by calling or texting your child or your ex unnecessarily during the weekend.  It is not uncommon when parents first start co-parenting to miss their child and try to communicate with him when he is with the other parent.  However, it is disruptive of your child’s time with his other parent and can negatively affect your relationship with your ex even more, as well as chip away at your relationship with your child.

It is important and valuable, however, to let your child know that he can call or text either parent at any time.  It can make your child feel more comfortable knowing that he does not have a boundary or limit when it comes to communicating with either parent.  If you find that your ex calls or texts too much during your parenting time, remember that you do not need to respond immediately to every call or text.  If you wait a while to respond, your ex will learn to text and call less frequently.  Likewise, if you have a court-ordered parenting schedule, you should abide by that schedule as much as possible.  There will be times when life circumstances may call for a parenting time arrangement outside of that schedule.  In these types of situations, it is important to be flexible.  If you and your ex find that the court-ordered parenting schedule is no longer working for your family’s schedule, you should not just adopt your own schedule.  You should seek a modification with the court or through meditation.  That way, if a dispute ever arises between you and your ex, you can work from the modified schedule and not the old, unworkable schedule.

Adjusting to a new family dynamic and schedule can be difficult for every family member.  Learning how to co-parent can help ease the transition for everyone.  By following these tips and adopting a new mindset about your relationship with your ex, you can learn to successfully co-parent. If you have an issue about co-parenting and child custody in New Jersey, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 887-0461 for a consultation.

Going through a divorce can be one of the most difficult things that you will ever experience in life. In addition to being consumed by feelings of anger, disbelief, and/or sadness, you must go through the stressful process of breaking up your marriage, family, and assets. While some couples can face divorce with civility and maturity, unfortunately that is not often the case. However, the most important thing for you is to face the divorce process with confidence to make sure that you come out on the other side a better, stronger person.

Understand Your Legal Rights

Facing the divorce process with confidence starts by understanding your rights. For example, your ex-spouse might want everything: the house, full custody of the kids, and more than their fair share of support. However, just because your ex wants those things, it does not mean that you are legally required to agree to all those terms. The best way to fully understand your rights, as well as your state’s divorce laws, is to consult with a divorce attorney.

Don’t Fall into Despair

While some marriages end amicably, most divorces are very painful. In addition to the couple splitting up, it can be quite painful for kids and other family members too. If your marriage ended unexpectedly, you might go through stages of denial and disbelief. Anger and guilt are other common feelings that people experience during a divorce as well. Even though these are normal feelings to have after a broken marriage, you want to make sure that your life does not fall into despair. Just because your marriage ends, does not mean that is the end of your life and happiness. Therefore, no matter how bad you feel, no matter how much you might feel like giving up, you must find reasons to live. If you have children, think about them. You can also look at your divorce to start over in life with a fresh perspective on things. Nothing will hurt your confidence worse than allowing yourself to fall into despair.

Maintain Your Health and Well-Being

Following along the same lines as not allowing yourself to fall into despair, you must also not neglect your health and overall well-being. There is a good chance that you might be under a lot of stress, as well as feeling depressed. Oftentimes, people overeat to make themselves feel better when they are stressed or unhappy. Unfortunately, gaining a lot of weight is not going to make you feel better, nor will it be good for your health. You should avoid excessive drinking and other unhealthy vices as well. Instead, you should try exercising – even if it is just walking or jogging. In fact, going for a walk/jog is not only good for your physical health, it can help your mental well-being by giving you a chance to clear your mind while enjoying fresh air outdoors – which is also good for you. When you are healthy, you feel more confident.

Keep Your Self-Esteem High

It is not uncommon for your self-esteem to take a blow after your marriage ends. That is why you need to work hard to keep your spirits high to face your divorce with the confidence that you will need to get through it. You might blame yourself for your failed marriage. Therefore, you should have compassion for yourself. If your ex was verbally abusive to you, it is likely that your self-esteem has been taking a hit for a while. Do not blame yourself for their problems and negativity.

Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Another way to keep your self-esteem and confidence high during the divorce process is to surround yourself with positive friends and family members. Find people in your life who make you feel good about yourself. You need to spend time with those who can offer you good emotional support. However, do not spend all your time with others badmouthing your ex and complaining about negative circumstances. Find happy things to talk about too. You should also try to make new friends – especially if some of your old friends are close to your ex.

Avoid Negative People

You need to avoid negative people who will only make you feel worse about your failed marriage. As mentioned above, you do not want to spend every moment of your life dwelling on and badmouthing your ex, because doing so will only make you feel worse. Furthermore, your confidence will suffer just when you need it to be strongest. Unfortunately, it can be hard to avoid negative people sometimes. For example, colleagues at work might want to ask you a bunch of nosy questions about your divorce. The best thing to do is to just politely tell them that you do not wish to discuss it at work.

Seek Professional Support

Finally, even the most optimistic person with supportive friends and family can have a hard time keeping their confidence high during their divorce. Therefore, it is okay to seek professional help if you need it. For instance, many people find that they need counseling or therapy after a failed marriage. That is totally fine and nothing to be ashamed about. You might consider joining a divorce recovery group if you are having an especially difficult time dealing with your failed marriage and its aftermath.

In short, to successfully face your divorce, you need strength and confidence to fully understand and exercise your rights. No matter how sad/disappointed you might feel, do not let it make you feel hopeless. Try to make healthy choices to protect your health and well-being. Your self-confidence is often tied to your self-esteem, so keep your spirits high. You will likely need lots of support from positive, caring friends and family members. However, you should limit your contact with negative people who will just make you feel worse about yourself and further hurt your confidence. Lastly, do not be afraid to seek professional help from someone like a counselor, therapist, or even a divorce recovery group. If you have any questions about the New Jersey divorce process, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen for a consultation at (201) 845-7400

Since the early 1980s, the divorce rate in the U.S. has steadily declined. The long-held belief that at least 50% of marriages end in divorce is no longer true. Divorce Statistics collected in recent years by census reports, government and private studies and university research paint an interesting portrait of marriage and divorce in the United States.

Many states now have no-fault divorce laws. Spouses do not have to allege a specific reason for wanting a divorce other than having irreconcilable differences or that the marriage is irretrievably broken. However, some of the most common reasons that marriages fail include infidelity, addiction and abuse.

A majority of Americans claim that they would end their marriage if they discovered their spouse had cheated on them. Yet research shows that 50-60% of couples who have dealt with infidelity in their marriage found ways to overcome the issue and stay together.

Addictions may include, drugs, alcohol, porn, and gambling. A University of Buffalo study revealed that nearly 50% of couples divorced when only one partner drank heavily. Where partners had similar drinking habits, the divorce rate during the same period was 30%. Other research shows that if only one spouse smokes, a couple is 75-91% more likely to divorce.

Divorce Statistics and Risk Factors

In some cases, spouses simply fall out of love with each other, but in many failed marriages, specific risk factors have been shown to increase the likelihood of divorce. Persons without a religious affiliation are 14% more likely to divorce. High school dropouts are 13% more likely to divorce, and people with incomes of $25,000 or less are 30% more likely to divorce compared to those with incomes over $50,000.

The belief that getting to know a future spouse by living together before marriage is not necessarily accurate. A critical analysis published in the Journal of Marriage and Family indicated that persons who cohabitate before marriage generally have more lenient attitudes toward divorce. This is particularly true for those who lived together with several partners before settling down. The divorce risk is reduced for couples who become engaged before living together.

If one spouse has parents who divorced, the risk of a marriage failing is doubled. When both spouses have experienced the divorce of their parents, the risk for divorce triples. This does not mean a marriage is doomed from the start, but this suggests that couples may need to be aware of the trend and commit a greater effort to make their marriage succeed.

Other factors that have been shown to increase the chances of divorce include having family members, friends or co-workers who have recently divorced, excessive spending on an engagement ring and wedding and marrying someone significantly different in age.

November and December are typically the months with the lowest number of divorce filings. Research conducted by the University of Washington reveals that March and August are the most common times for divorce actions to be commenced

The Third Time is Not a Charm

Today it is estimated that about 40-42% of all first marriages will end in divorce or separation.  For second marriages the divorce rate is 60-65%. The concept that the third time you try something you are bound to succeed does not apply to marriage. 73% of third marriages fail. In recent years, approximately 2,400 divorces per day were finalized in the U.S.

The average length of a first marriage is eight years. The likelihood of a first marriage ending in divorce or separation within five years is 20%, a figure that climbs to 33% within 10 years. The average age for couples going through a divorce is 30, and nearly 60% of all divorces involve spouses between the ages of 25 and 39.

The divorce rate for people over 50 has doubled since 1990, and 25% of all divorces now involve spouses in that age group. In fact, of all age groups, Black women between 50 and 59 constitute the group most likely to get divorced. The impact of a “grey divorce” is often greater than when spouses break up at a younger age. Women who obtain a divorce after age 50 commonly experience a 45% drop in their standard of living according to a 2019 L.A. Times report that summarized findings of several studies examining divorces involving older spouses.

Despite higher rates of failure for subsequent marriages, nearly 75% of divorced people remarry. Men are more likely to remarry than women. Of those who remarry, the average wait to tie the knot after a divorce is three years. Six percent of divorced couples end up remarrying each other.

Children, Location, Politics and Cost

Couples who have children have a slightly lower divorce rate than couples without children. For couples who have a baby seven months or more after getting married the risk of divorce is reduced by 24%. If there is a daughter but no son in a marriage, the couple is 5% more likely to divorce. More is not necessarily merrier. Having twins or triplets increases the divorce risk by 17%.

In general, divorce rates are the lowest in the northeastern region of the U.S. and highest in the south and west. States with some of the lowest divorce rates include Maryland, New York, Massachusetts, Illinois, New Jersey and Vermont. States with some of the highest rates include Arkansas, Oklahoma, Nevada, Wyoming and Idaho.

Research indicates that couples in traditionally Republican states are more likely to divorce than couples in Democratic states. In part, this may be due to people who identify as Republicans tending to marry at younger ages. The only U.S. presidents known to have been divorced are Ronald Reagan and Donald Trump.

The average cost for a divorce in the U.S. is about $15,000. This amount can be significantly increased or decreased by the complexity of the issues and the extent of agreement by the spouses on major issues.

Divorce is never easy. Even the most amicable divorces trigger strong emotions. Having a supportive group of family and friends helps one to remain strong and focused. Retaining or at least consulting with an experienced family law attorney can also go a long way to ensure that both your interests and rights are protected. If you have any questions concerning divorce in New Jersey, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for initial consultation. Peter Van Aulen has over 27 years of divorce and family law experience. He is one of the few lawyers in New Jersey who is certified as a matrimonial attorney by the New Jersey Supreme Court.

Stay-at-home orders, job losses and strained finances resulting from the ongoing coronavirus pandemic have increased the stress on marriages across the globe. While one might think that increased time together would have been welcomed by partners whose busy lives kept them apart much of the time, just the opposite is proving true. Rising divorce rates and coronavirus limitations appear to be directly related in countries that are now easing restrictions.

Several cities in China reported a surge in divorce filings once government-ordered lockdowns were lifted. A lawyer in Turkey claims divorce filings increased fourfold in that country following the imposition of quarantine restrictions. Many U.S. family therapists and attorneys expect the same trend to occur in this country.

Marriage counselors commonly encourage spouses to allow each other the freedom to socialize with separate friends and pursue favorite personal activities. For example, one spouse may enjoy jogging with a small group of long-time friends while the other may look forward to weekend golf with buddies from the office. Being involved at work or school, enjoying a favored activity and maintaining casual relationships outside of marriage are important to a person’s mental and physical health.

The closure of stores, restaurants and public places coupled with the inability to get together with friends outside the family home has resulted in extended periods of spouses being quarantined together at home. Add the stress of working from home or coping with reduced income from having lost a job while also supervising children who are home from school and the tension escalates.

Given these dynamics, it is not surprising that family therapists have reported an increase in the frequency and severity of marital arguments. Domestic violence hotlines and shelters have reported increased calls, and attorneys are fielding a growing number of inquiries about divorce.

While many legal experts expect a flood of new divorce cases once courts reopen for business, the financial impacts resulting from the coronavirus epidemic may make divorce impractical for some couples. Reduced income may make moving out of the family home unaffordable. Couples who have seen financial investments substantially reduced may also be hesitant to divide property until the economy stabilizes.

For those who are seriously contemplating divorce, consultation with an experienced family law attorney may help to determine if this is the best time to move forward. If the answer is yes, divorce cases can proceed even though many court services are currently limited.

Pursuing Divorce While Dealing With Coronavirus Restrictions

Courts in New Jersey, as in most states, are not holding in-person hearings. However, new divorce cases can be filed with courts via mail or the internet. Case Management Conferences are being conducted by phone. Also, Early Settlement panels are starting to be held by video link.   Emergency matters are often handled via phone or video conference.  Many attorney offices remain open to offer assistance by phone or via internet services like Zoom.

Persons seriously contemplating divorce can take action to prepare. Identify sources of income and locate records for all debts and assets. Make a list of debts including a designation of which spouse should be responsible for payment.

Given the current economic uncertainty, asset values are fluctuating wildly, so it is important to continually monitor changes in property value. Consider retaining appraisers, actuaries, accountants and other financial professionals necessary to determine asset values. Rather than agree on specific dollar amounts each spouse will receive; a wiser course may be to designate a percentage of specific assets given the existing economic volatility.

If divorce issues will be contested, finalizing the divorce may not be possible until courts reopen and begin scheduling hearings and trials. Rising divorce rates and coronavirus limitations on court operations will likely increase the time required to dissolve a marriage if a trial is required. For issues that cannot be resolved easily, hiring a mediator to help work out differences may prove valuable and allow a case to move forward. Mediators can provide virtual services online whether both spouses still reside in the home or different locations. Mediators do not make decisions but strive to help couples compromise and reach agreements. If all matters can be resolved resulting in an uncontested divorce, obtaining agreed final orders should happen quickly after the courts are back in business and may even be possible while courts operate on a limited schedule.

Many courts have adopted procedures to deal with domestic violence issues on an emergency basis. Obtaining a restraining order is still considered an essential service, and courts will order an allegedly abusive spouse out of a family home when required. Victims of domestic violence should contact an attorney or the local court for current information about getting a protection order.

Although tensions may have escalated and divorce appears inevitable, some family therapists are recommending that couples wait for 30 to 60 days before moving forward with divorce once life begins to return to normal. Extended isolation with a spouse resulting in short tempers and compromised communication does not provide the best environment in which to make major life and economic decisions. Issues that sparked increased anxiety during quarantine may seem less serious as regular routines return.

Even after the crisis passes, the psychological and economic toll from this once-in-a-lifetime pandemic may be felt for months. The causal relationship between rising divorce rates and coronavirus restrictions will likely be examined for years.

The strength of many marriages is being tested. Some partners who had busy careers and difficulty finding time for each other may rediscover the enjoyment of being together and working cooperatively through this crisis. Other spouses may discover they were not made for each other and that forced togetherness has exposed significant weaknesses in their relationship. Reliance upon marriage counselors, family therapists and attorneys to provide guidance counseling and advice may now be more critical than ever to help to resolve those troubled relationships one way or another. If you need to talk to a NJ divorce lawyer, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 887-0461 for a consultation.

With businesses across the country shutting down and millions of people being furloughed from their jobs, the economic pressures resulting from the coronavirus pandemic are increasing. For parents who either pay or receive child support, financial anxieties may be even greater. Many support recipients will likely be paid less, at least in the short term, if the paying parent has lost a job.

If the recipient has also been laid off from work, that person’s ability to provide adequate care, food and shelter for children may be seriously jeopardized. Recipients of child support may be forced to rely upon social services and community organizations such as food banks to get through the crisis.

The worries for parents who have experienced an income drop and remain obligated to pay support are also increasing. Support payments are not suspended or eliminated by the pandemic. Falling behind in support will create a greater debt to be made up in the future. Many states have laws that result in the suspension of driving and professional licenses if a parent’s support payments fall too far behind.

Failure to pay child support also may result in defending yourself at a contempt proceeding in court. Courts can impose a variety of sanctions for failure to pay support, including mandatory wage garnishment, imposition of fines and costs and jail time.

The federal government is sending coronavirus economic stimulus checks of up to $1,200 to most adults. Depending on both state and federal government efficiency, checks going to parents owing support may be seized by state support enforcement offices.

Parents owing support can take several actions that will help to prevent their financial obligation from growing out-of-hand and that will minimize the potential imposition of sanctions by courts, once life returns to normal.

1. Try to negotiate a lower monthly payment with your ex-spouse. Promise to make up the difference once the health crisis is over and you return to work. Communication can work wonders in a crisis. Alternatively, offer to take the kids for longer periods. Helping to provide some of your children’s basic needs may ease the financial burden on the custodial parent. Document all communication and keep all texts and e-mails.
2. Continue to pay as much support as possible. Even if you cannot pay the full amount, paying something will both benefit your children and demonstrate a good faith effort to be responsible even if you have lost a job and income. State enforcement officers and family court judges are likely to give you more time to make up arrears if you have been doing your best during these tough times.
3. Keep records.  Document all your support payments including amounts and to whom payments were made. Also, keep records showing loss of a job or layoff and documentation showing the amount you were most recently paid.
4. Look for another source of temporary income. While many businesses are closed, some that remain open have been hiring in droves. There is a demand for grocery store workers, pharmacy employees and delivery drivers. Amazon, Instacart, CVS, Walmart, Albertson’s, Dollar General, Safeway and Kroeger stores are among the employers looking for workers. The job may be temporary but so may be your need for employment until you can return to your prior job.
5. Apply for unemployment. The federal government has approved funding allowing unemployment benefits to be extended and increased. Benefits are also available for many workers who were previously not eligible for assistance. Showing that you took every step possible to obtain funds to meet your support obligation will help should you face a future contempt motion for failure to pay support.
6. File a motion in court to modify your support payments. While it is unlikely you will get a hearing right away, it is important to at least get the paperwork filed and have copies served on your ex-spouse. The monthly amount of child support will remain the same until changed by a court. Most courts will not reduce the amount retroactively, but some courts have the discretion to at least make the new amount effective on the date your ex was served with modification paperwork. The sooner you file the paperwork, the less back support may ultimately be owed.
7.  Contact your local support enforcement office. Explain your situation if you have lost a job or are experiencing reduced income. This shows a good faith effort to be proactive, and the enforcement staff may be able to work out a temporary reduction in your support obligation to be made up once you are again employed full-time.
8. Make support payments a priority. If you are working with reduced income, establishing priorities for payment of your monthly obligations is even more critical. Food, basic utilities and shelter should be your top priorities closely followed by payment of support, since that is critical to provide food and shelter for your children.
9. Reduce your expenses. Pay only the monthly minimum payments on credit cards. Contact credit card companies to see if you can skip a payment. Capital One and American Express are among companies that are allowing customers who ask for help to skip a monthly payment without penalty.  If you have a monthly car payment, try refinancing to obtain a lower payment. If you have a semi-annual insurance payment coming up, change to a monthly payment plan to reduce the impact of having to cover a large payment.

The ongoing coronavirus pandemic has required everyone to make sacrifices. Taking the necessary steps to ensure that at least some, if not all, of your support obligation is paid during this difficult period will minimize the sacrifices your children must make. If you any questions about child support in New Jersey, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a consultation.

The normal routines of daily life continue to be upended by the coronavirus, and uncertainty exists about how long businesses and schools will remain closed. For divorced parents, dealing with child visitation and the coronavirus can create increased anxiety and conflict. As the situation and resulting government orders may change rapidly, the best co-parenting will result from cooperation and flexibility.

Most stay-at-home orders across the country do not take priority over court-ordered visitation provisions. The stay-at-home order issued by New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy specifically provides an exception allowing travel for family visits. Other states have taken a similar approach. Orders enacted in California and Illinois included language that specifically allow travel for custody exchanges between parents. Massachusetts officials have also stated that the virus does not provide a legal basis to disobey visitation orders.

The general guideline in virtually every state is that, at a minimum, court-ordered visitation schedules should continue to be followed unless there is some specific and provable reason to restrict contact such as either a parent or child contracting the disease. Denying visitation based on a generalized fear that a child may be exposed to the virus is insufficient.

However, if visitation requires long-distance or air travel, parents may be more justified in canceling those visits. It would be hard to fault a parent for refusing to put a child on a bus or airplane and exposing the child to persons outside the household. Make-up time at a later date may be more prudent.

If a child or non-custodial parent has been exposed to the virus, the responsible action is to self-quarantine for 14 days. During that period, visits should voluntarily be suspended in favor of contact via Skype, FaceTime, phone calls, letters, texts and e-mails. Similarly, if a child begins showing virus symptoms while in the care of a non-custodial parent, the wisest course may be for the child to remain with that parent until the symptoms pass.

Numerous situations may arise involving parents and children and exposure to or actual infection from the virus. Each may require a different approach depending on a variety of factors. For example, if other members of a household have underlying medical issues and are potentially more vulnerable to the effects of the virus, visitation by a child who may have been exposed to the virus makes little sense.

The bottom line is that parents must strive to use common sense and not use the virus as an excuse to generally deny visitation.

Denying Visitation Comes With Risk

Non-compliance with a court-ordered visitation schedule may expose the parent who denies visitation to a future contempt proceeding. While no one is certain about how courts will treat parents who unilaterally cancel visits, judges typically take a negative view toward parents who violate visitation orders. Courts can impose sanctions ranging from an award of costs and legal fees to ordering make-up time and changing the current custody arrangement.

A parent who is denied visitation may have a difficult time obtaining legal intervention since most courts across the country are closed or are only handling emergency motions. Such a motion, if intended to restrict visitation, will likely require extreme circumstances and specific evidence showing that a child’s health will be seriously jeopardized if a visit occurs. The practical effect of court closures is that parents who are denied visits have little immediate recourse. When courts reopen, calendars are likely to be clogged with contempt motions.

Parents in conflict over visitation have a few non-judicial options to attempt resolution. If the parents have lawyers, allow the lawyers to try to reach a compromise. Alternatively, parents can hire a mediator and hold a phone conference in which each side presents arguments. If the mediation is successful in reaching an agreement, the resolution should be reduced to writing and signed by all parties.

Tips for Successful Co-Parenting

Ideally, parents should always have the best interest of their child in mind when considering changes to the visitation schedule. Child visitation and the coronavirus do not have to be mutually exclusive. By following some general guidelines, parents can set good examples for their children on how to cope with a difficult situation.

Communicate and remain flexible. Good communication is essential to coordinate schedules and to adjust pick-up times and locations. As a custodial parent, if you feel visitation should be canceled or delayed, discuss your concerns with the other parent. Offer make-up visitation time to take place after the virus has passed.

Plan in advance for specific scenarios. Try to reach an agreement with the other parent about how situations will be handled if either parent or a child contracts the virus. Parents should agree to advise each other if anyone in their respective households is exposed to the virus or begins showing symptoms.

Keep written records of communication. This includes statements of concern about visits, offers to make-up visits at a later date and agreements to alter the current plan. Note the reasons for any changes.

With many parents now working from home, increasing the time spent between the child and non-custodial parent may be advisable. Both parents can share more equally in the time and cost of care. A frequent change of residence each week may help to reduce a child’s stress from being unable to see friends and go to school. Reduced parental stress may also be a benefit.

Don’t try to reinterpret visitation provisions for school vacations. Just because most schools are closed, don’t argue this is either an extended spring break or an early summer break. Many students are still expected to attend class online. Continue to use the vacation schedule originally set by the school district.

Situations involving child visitation and the coronavirus will continue to rapidly evolve. Circumstances may change quickly. While courts may be closed, many attorney offices remain open. Any parent considering disobeying a court-ordered visitation plan would be wise to consult a family law attorney for advice. If you have any questions concerning child visitation during the coronavirus, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845 7400 for a consultation.

Domestic violence (DV) occurs far too frequently in marriages, among family members and between people in dating relationships.  Lawmakers in many states have increased criminal penalties for DV offenses. Special courts have been established to handle DV-related cases. Judges often receive specialized training to better understand the dynamics of domestic violence and to learn about sentencing options that may prove most effective to reduce the chance of recurrence.

The term “domestic violence” by itself does not describe a crime. The term is a designation attached to a variety of crimes indicating that the relationship between the alleged victim and perpetrator is such that a repeat incident is far more likely to occur than a similar incident between strangers. Relationships which trigger the DV label include spouses, people in dating relationships, family members, relatives, roommates and civil union partners. Even if the incident involves a relationship that no longer exists, such as an incident involving former spouses, the DV tag may apply.

DV crimes include a broad spectrum of behavior that results in physical or emotional harm. Actions that can be labeled as domestic violence range from assaults, stalking and harassment to making threats, intimidation and sexual assault. One of the tools available for victims of domestic violence in every state is a protection or restraining order. Some may question how a piece of paper will make them safer, as there have been news reports of people being hurt or killed by a restrained person after a protection order was obtained. However, in the vast majority of cases protection orders serve their purpose and can help to reduce the fear of possibly experiencing a repeat occurrence.

Getting a Temporary Order

The person seeking the restraining order is usually called the petitioner. The person who may be restrained is called the respondent, as that person will be responding to the petition. The process is commonly designed to let individuals quickly obtain a temporary order with minimal paperwork. Forms to be completed and instructions can often be obtained from the county court or online. Many courts have advocates available who cannot provide legal advice but can provide assistance to complete paperwork.

As the person petitioning the court to grant a restraining order, you initially only need to provide a statement outlining what occurred and why you want the order. Keep your statement short, clear and on point, but provide enough detail to justify why the court should approve your request. In New Jersey make sure you list all prior acts of domestic violence. Some additional basic information is usually required regarding the names and address of the parties and children, if any. Information about the existence and location of any weapons in the home or available to the respondent may be requested.

In the petition you can generally ask to restrain the intended respondent from coming near or having contact with you and your children in any manner, including communication through third parties. You may request that the respondent be restrained from following, stalking, intimidating, surveilling or coming within a specific distance of you and that the respondent be excluded from a separate or shared residence and the school, daycare or residence of any involved minor children.

Petitions typically also allow you to ask the court to grant you custody and care of minor children, to obtain possession of your personal property, including pets, and to be granted use of vehicles and other specified property. You may also be able request that the respondent surrender any weapons in his or her possession, obtain DV counseling and pay for your costs to obtain the protection order.

The intended respondent does not need to be notified before you ask for a protection order. Once you have completed the paperwork, either you or court staff will present the petition to a judge who will, in most cases, issue a temporary order granting at least some of your requests and set a date for a formal hearing to be held within 10-14 days. The temporary order is usually served on the respondent by a law enforcement officer within 24 hours. Once the respondent has been served, any violation of the restraining order may constitute a crime. Repeat offenses are often treated as felonies carrying even heavier penalties in some jurisdictions.

The Court Hearing

At the formal hearing both parties and their attorneys, if any, must appear. You should be prepared to provide additional specific evidence supporting your claims. Evidence may include police and medical reports, photos of injuries, copies of text messages, phone calls and e-mails. If requested by either party, the court might extend the temporary order and set a new hearing date to allow a further response and filing of additional information. Otherwise, the court will either deny the request for a protection order or grant it and address the specific requests made in the petition. The new order takes effect immediately, and any proven violation may bring fines and jail time. If you have a domestic violence case in New Jersey, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a consultation.

Domestic violence (DV) is a serious problem. Every state has a procedure in place that allows persons to obtain protection or restraining orders intended to prevent contact from alleged abusers. The process to initially obtain a protection order is fairly quick and simple. A person can usually go to a county courthouse, write out a short statement explaining what happened and why an order is necessary, present the paperwork to a judge and obtain a temporary order within a few hours .In some jurisdictions if the incident just happen a person can start the process by calling the police department.

The restraining order is usually served by law enforcement on the person being restrained. Temporary orders are typically effective for 10-14 days at which time a formal court hearing takes place giving the restrained person an opportunity to respond, present evidence and contest the order. After hearing arguments from both sides, a judge will either dismiss the case or sign an order which can last for an indefinite period.

While the system is designed to provide quick assistance to victims of domestic violence, this process can easily be abused by making false accusations that can result in devastating results for the person accused. Since it only takes one person’s statement without any supporting evidence to get a temporary restraining order, the target of that order may immediately lose access to a home, property and children and suffer damage to his or her reputation.

Accusations of domestic violence may impact issues of alimony and child custody in divorce cases. False accusations are more likely to be made when a divorce is about to be filed or has just been initiated. When a contentious divorce is anticipated, a spouse may believe he or she will obtain an advantage by filing for a protection order.

In reviewing petitions for restraining orders, judges tend to err on the side of being safe even if evidence of a domestic violence act is minimal. Preventing the temporary order from being extended requires an aggressive, well-documented approach.

Responding to Restraining Order Petitions

In the civil protection order process, the restrained person is called the respondent or defendant since he or she will be responding to the petition. The first opportunity for a respondent or defendant to challenge the temporary order and contest allegations in the petition is usually at the formal court hearing set for 10-14 days from issuance of the order. There are a number of things the respondent or defendant can and should do while preparing for the hearing.

Don’t violate the order. The top priority is to avoid violating the restraining order in any way. A natural response when served with a temporary order is anger and often a desire to contact the person who obtained the order. Don’t do it. Contact will violate the order and will often result in a criminal charge. At the very least, improper contact will be noted at the formal hearing and will likely add support to a petitioner’s allegations.

Seek legal counsel. Anyone accused of domestic violence should obtain legal assistance. Since restraining order proceedings are civil rather than criminal, attorneys are not appointed at government expense. The respondent or defendant must hire an attorney if they want to be represented by an attorney. Investment in an attorney experienced in dealing with protection orders is often well worth it to be fully prepared. Preparation for hearing must be thorough to have any chance of defeating a protection order petition. If the hearing becomes no more than a “he said, she said” contest, an extended order is likely to be granted. The respondent or defendant must challenge the accusations with supporting evidence.

Gather relevant documents and evidence. The respondent or defendant should receive the petitioner’s initial statement requesting a protection order when served with the temporary order. The task is to address every allegation made and find ways to challenge each one.

Depending on the facts alleged, a respondent or defendant should request the following items if the court allows the same: (1) any medical reports if treatment for injury was sought; (2) copies of any photos, text messages, e-mails or other evidence referenced in the petition; (3) police reports if law enforcement was involved; (4) any additional written statements made by the petitioner or witnesses named by the petitioner.

Be sure that text messages or e-mails provided by the petitioner are not taken out of context and simply selected to support petitioner’s claims. Provide the full string of relevant texts or e-mails when needed to demonstrate an accurate representation. If children are involved, obtain relevant school and counseling records.

Subpoena any friendly witnesses of the alleged incidents. Obtain your phone records to dispute claims that harassing calls were constantly being made.  GPS records for your vehicle may be helpful when an accusation alleges frequent driving by the petitioner’s home or work.

Obtain videos, records or other documentation that prove you were at another location at the time the alleged incident took place. If the petitioner has a history of requesting restraining orders, particularly if petitions were dismissed, obtain copies of the petitions and orders. A court’s prior determination that a petition included false accusations could help boost your defense.If you were a victim of domestic violence by the acts of the plaintiff consider filing a retraining order against him or her.

At the Hearing

Dress for court like you would for a work interview. Regardless of what is said, remain calm. Venting anger will only provide ammunition to the petitioner. Be honest if asked a question. Your case will be severely weakened if the judge catches you in a lie. The goal is to cast doubt on the petitioner’s truthfulness.

Whatever the outcome, control your emotions. If you have an attorney, you can discuss next steps outside the courtroom. Restraining order hearings are usually fairly short, and judges will often consider numerous petitions during a court session. You may feel your case did not get the attention it deserved. If so, your next step may be to appeal to a higher court.

Restraining orders serve an important purpose to safeguard true victims of domestic violence. However, persons can easily be falsely accused and should take every step possible to clear their name and reputation. Obtaining legal assistance and crafting a thorough, detailed response countering each allegation with evidence is the best approach. If you have any questions concerning a restraining order in New Jersey, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for in office consultation.

Divorced Parents may want nothing to do with each other following a difficult divorce, but when minor children are involved, the necessity of exchanging children to comply with court-ordered custody and visitation plans usually requires some degree of interaction. Ideally, contact between ex-spouses during an exchange should extend just long enough to safely accomplish delivery of the children. However, if grudges are held or conflict exists regarding parenting styles or issues, the event of exchanging the children carries the potential for emotionally harmful and even violent behavior.

Spouses may fall out of love with each other, but children will still love each parent and hope to have a strong bond with each parent. Children who witness divorced parents arguing or threatening each other generally experience stress and often blame themselves for parental problems. Such stress can lead to depression, poor school performance, negative social interaction and even physical health problems.

When children are present, communication between hostile ex-spouses should be kept to a minimum. Issues involving child support or parenting differences should be addressed by e-mail, phone calls or by communication via attorneys. Continued conflict experienced during custody exchanges can make a child fearful and resistant to comply with the visitation schedule simply to avoid the negative feelings which routinely accompany the exchange. 

Parents may first encounter problems exchanging the children while the divorce is pending. A temporary custody and visitation agreement or order can be arranged during the divorce. If problems arise before the divorce is final, more specific provisions can be written into the final order regarding the time, place and method of exchanging the children.

When the potential for verbal or physical conflict occurring during a child exchange exists, there are actions that can minimize or eliminate that risk.

Be prompt. Making the other parent wait beyond the scheduled exchange time opens the door for negative interaction from the start. Don’t disrespect the other parent by being late to pick-up or return the child. If you have your child with you, don’t criticize the other parent for being late.

Limit discussion. The exchange is not the time to ask about support or take issue with something the other parent has done. If there is something important related to school, medical needs or activity which will take place during the visit, mention it briefly or simply write a short letter and hand it to the other parent at the exchange. Otherwise, simply tell your children to have a good time and that you will see them at the set time of return.

Take a friend. Negative behavior is less likely to occur when a witness is present. Having a friend, colleague or another adult with you during the exchange may reduce the chance of the other parent behaving badly. When there has been a history of domestic violence between spouses, having a third-party present is essential. The third-party can provide testimony to a court at a later date should inappropriate conflict occur.

Choose a person with whom the children feel comfortable. Advise the person that no more is expected than to witness the exchange and that there is no obligation to say anything or become involved in the exchange. If you have just started a romantic relationship, don’t take the new significant other as the third party, at least early on. Bringing a new romantic partner to the exchange may only make matters worse.

Meet at a neutral, public location. Rather than meeting at a parental home, meet in the middle at a public parking lot, a shopping mall, or the child’s daycare. If possible, choose a location where there are public surveillance cameras. Yelling and negative behavior are less likely to occur when a crowd is near.

Avoid meeting entirely. Create a visitation schedule in which the parent entitled to visitation picks up the child from school at the end of the school day and returns the child to school the morning following the visit. For example, if a parent gets visitation every other weekend, that parent can get the child Friday afternoon and return the child to school Monday morning. Be sure the school is aware of the visitation schedule and that the non-custodial parent will pick up the child on specific days.

If finances permit, consider using a supervised exchange service. This involves delivery and pick-up of the child at a facility with staff specially trained in family matters. Drop-off by one parent can be set for a specific time with pick-up by the other parent set for 15-30 minutes later. Parents can avoid each other entirely while knowing their child is safe. The supervisory staff can also document if a parent is consistently late.

The need for direct supervision of custody exchanges will likely decrease as children get older. It may become routine for an older teenager to drive or take a bus to the non-custodial parent’s home and return to the custodial parent’s home at the end of the visit.

If exchanges become routinely problematic keep a journal and document what takes place at the exchange. Note the time, location, any inappropriate behavior or comments by the other parent and how any conflict was resolved. A detailed journal may prove valuable in court.

A court is required to establish custody and visitation provisions that are in the best interest of the child. A situation in which parental conflict regularly occurs in front of the child will generally not be tolerated. If provided sufficient proof of parental misconduct, a court may require visits to be supervised or limited in length.

Custody and visitation orders can be modified if a substantial change in circumstances has occurred since entry of the most recent order. Escalating incidents of verbal abuse and threats or repeated failure to return a child from visitation in a timely manner may qualify as a substantial change.

Divorced parents should strive to set positive examples for their children. Custody exchanges provide a recurring opportunity for parents to demonstrate they can put the needs of their children first. Taking steps to minimize conflict during exchanges benefits both the children and parents involved. If you have any questions concerning child custody, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free initial consultation.

Most of us are on our best behavior when we enter a relationship. Fights are rare, we’ll drop everything to take a phone call from them, and we can’t imagine our feelings ever changing. But fast forward to five years into marriage, and things have become a lot more comfortable, maybe even too comfortable. Once we’ve walked down the aisle and signed the marriage certificate, we don’t hold ourselves up to the same standards we did while dating.

We take our spouses for granted, disrespecting them in small ways and before we know it, our once idealistic marriage is heading for a divorce. When a marriage breaks down, it doesn’t always come from a huge event like an affair, it can be more like Chinese water torture, where we wear each other down slowly and painfully over years by adopting bad habits, or not giving our best selves to the relationship. If you’ve noticed your marriage is in a slump, consider whether you are guilty of the following behaviors.

You’re More Critical than Kind

Throughout the course of a marriage, there will be many occasions when you feel the need to criticize your spouse. No matter how well-intentioned the advice is, if it’s delivered unkindly, it will be more hurtful than helpful. Practice being kind, even when you’re frustrated, and your spouse will be more receptive to your advice.

Too much nagging can cause your spouse to shut down and turn your voice into something they don’t look forward to hearing. Some issues are just too insignificant to let yourself get mad about. Is it really the end of the world that the toilet seat was left up? If you refrain from complaining about the trivial things, your partner will be more likely to take you seriously when you have something important to critique.

Your Partner Never Has Your Full Attention

There’s so much to do during the day, that by the time dinner is over and we’re sitting on the couch, it’s tempting to just bury our heads in our phones and only give our spouse half our attention when they’re trying to talk to us. And with a growing number of people eating dinner in front of Netflix or keeping their phones out at the dinner table, it’s no wonder couples can start to feel disconnected.

If your spouse has something they want to tell you, put your phone down and give them 100 percent of your attention. You may think you can split your attention evenly, but no one likes to talk when they feel like they’re competing with a TV show or video game. It’s a small gesture but it will show your partner they’re important to you and you care about what they have to say, which builds closeness and prevents resentment.

You Involve Other People in Your Problems

Don’t betray your spouse’s confidence by spilling your personal issues to your friends, relatives, or worst of all – on social media. It’s embarrassing and childish to disparage your partner to other people, and won’t help resolve the situation. If your partner finds out you’ve been complaining about them to your family, they’re going to feel uncomfortable next time they’re expected to attend a holiday dinner. Your friends and family aren’t likely to be objective and will harbor negative feelings towards your spouse even after you have reconciled. Unless you’re seeking professional advice or are in a situation that’s abusive, keep your personal problems between you and your spouse.

You’ve Checked out around the House

Offering to help your partner shows sensitivity and awareness. It’s easier for a person to accept help that’s freely offered than to have to ask for it. If your spouse is always the one who knows what needs to be done around the house, what items need to be picked up, whose birthday is coming up that needs to be planned for, then it’s time for you to pitch in and take some initiative.

Even if you’re happy to tackle the to-do list your spouse gives you, they still had to spend the time and energy figuring out what to put on it. Pay more attention to the daily requirements of running the household and the next time you see the pile of laundry growing, or notice something needs to be repaired, take care of it before your spouse has to ask for your help.

You’ve Stopped Complimenting Your Partner

When you first started dating your spouse you probably piled the compliments on while discovering all the things that made you love this person. How often do you give them a sincere compliment now? Often, when we wake up next to the same person for years, we forget to express our appreciation for the things that drew us to them. People are motivated by praise, and that’s especially true when it comes from people we’re close to.

Try to give your spouse a sincere compliment multiple times a day, especially if you’re going through a rough patch. Tell them they look sharp in their outfit when you’re getting dressed in the morning, or let them know how much you appreciate their willingness to listen after a difficult conversation. Complimenting your spouse won’t only increase their confidence in themselves, but they’ll be more likely to repeat behaviors you offer sincere appreciation for.

Marriages are hard work. It takes a lot of mindfulness to prevent ourselves from slipping into the bad habits that cause our spouses to feel unappreciated and unloved. While we can’t change our partners, we can recognize how our own behaviors may be contributing to stress in our relationships and work to resolve those issues. If you’re guilty of any of the above bad habits, start eliminating them today and replace them with behaviors that will nurture your relationship and draw you and your spouse closer together. If you have any questions about family law, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a consultation.

For divorces involving children, a child support order will be part of the final paperwork signed by a judge. In most circumstances, this order requires the non-custodial parent to pay a monthly sum to the parent with whom the children live most of the time. Unless the children are near the age of majority when the divorce takes place, circumstances may eventually change making the original support amount insufficient or impractical.

Most states allow parents to ask a court to change the support amount if there is a substantial change in circumstances. Some state laws also allow for periodic review of support amounts without showing changed circumstances. New Jersey allows either parent to request a review every three years without a showing of changed circumstances. Washington requires a 24-month period before such a review.

Change of Circumstances

Child support is typically based on incomes of the parents. A legitimate change in parental circumstances includes job loss or change, extended illness, incarceration, remarriage and retirement. For example, if the paying parent loses a job paying $4,000 and takes a job paying $2,600, this constitutes a legitimate change in circumstances. Similarly, if that parent is promoted to a job paying $6,000, that also is a substantial change.

Support payments in many states may be modified temporarily to accommodate a job loss, injury or illness. However, some states may require the change in circumstances to at least appear to be permanent. A person seeking to modify support in New Jersey must prove the changed circumstances are substantial, unforeseen and permanent.

A substantial change in circumstances exists if the paying parent has another child to whom a duty of support is owed. A significant change in the amount of time a child resides with the paying parent may also suffice. In some states, age by itself is a changed circumstance. Washington’s guidelines increase support for children once they become 12 years old, but a parent must get court approval to obtain the higher amount.

Either parent can request a court review. When the situation involves the paying parent losing a job or taking a job with lower pay, that parent has the incentive to reduce monthly payments. If that parent is promoted to a higher paying job, the parent receiving support will usually be the one seeking to modify support so the child can benefit from increased parental wealth.

Alternatives to Court

Several alternatives can minimize the stress and cost of going to court. Parents can simply agree to change the support amount. For example, if the paying parent is injured or becomes ill requiring an extended period away from work, the receiving parent could agree to accept a lower amount of support during that period with a provision to review the situation in six months. An agreed order would be presented to a judge. Approval of agreed orders is usually granted if they appear reasonable.

Parents can also set support using mediation. Both parents would present financial information to a mutually agreed upon mediator. A mediator cannot decide an issue but can suggest resolutions and offer advice to help the parties resolve the issue. Ultimately, the parents must agree or take the issue to court. Mediation has the benefit of being private compared to a hearing in court where accusations and personal information are shared in public. Mediation is also generally less costly and less stressful compared to litigation in court.

Going to Court

If parents cannot reach agreement, the parent seeking to change the support amount must file a petition or motion in court to modify support. A parent seeking to modify support should also take the following actions when appropriate.

1. Act quickly. Some states, such as New Jersey, may allow a reduction to be retroactive to the date a motion to modify was filed. In most states, a reduced support amount will only apply to payments due after a judge signs a new order. A parent experiencing a sudden loss of income should act to modify support without delay since support will continue to be owed at the higher income level, creating a debt on which interest will be imposed. Back child support debts cannot be discharged by bankruptcy.
2. Document the change in circumstances. A parent experiencing a medical disability or who has lost a job or retired should be prepared to provide relevant paperwork to the court. Employment documents should show job loss was due to layoff and was not voluntary. The parent should also document specific efforts made to obtain new employment at a comparable pay rate. Any appearance that a parent quit a job or retired early in order to reduce support payments will likely be viewed negatively by a judge and result in support being maintained at the current level.

Similarly, for parents seeking to increase support, documentation showing unexpected medical needs by a child or increased income by the other parent should be provided. Some courts may allow a parent seeking an increase to file without full financial documentation of the other parent since access to the other parent’s employment records may be limited. A court could then require both parties to provide current financial information.

3. Continue to pay support. Persons owing support but seeking to lower the amount should continue to pay as much as possible given their circumstances. Courts will often have a favorable view of a parent who makes a substantial effort to meet support obligations even if the full amount cannot be paid. A parent who experiences reduced income but stops paying any support may be viewed harshly by a judge.

Support modification laws vary by state. Whether seeking higher or lower support payments, consultation with an experienced family law attorney is advised. If you have a New Jersey child support issue, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a consultation.

Reports of child abuse and neglect in New Jersey are investigated by the Division of Child Protection and Permanency (DCPP), known until 2012 as the Division of Youth and Family Services (DYFS). A DCPP/DYFS investigation may have lasting impacts on you and your children.  Here are some frequently asked questions regarding the Division’s procedures.

Will I be told the name of the person making a report to DCPP? The names of individuals reporting suspected abuse and neglect are kept confidential. A person making a report in good faith is generally protected from liability.

How long does an investigation take? DCPP’s goal is to complete an investigation within 60 days. If there is any possible merit to the accusation, expect DCPP to take the full period of time. If DCPP determines there is some legitimate basis for the allegation, involvement with DCPP may well continue past the initial 60-day period.

What will happen at a first meeting with DCPP? An intake worker will visit you and your family at home. The worker will conduct separate interviews of you, children and other adults in the home. The worker will want to interview any people witnessing the alleged abuse or neglect or who have knowledge of the circumstances. The worker will likely inspect the home and may take photos or video.

Can DCPP take a child from my home without a court order? Yes. If, on first contact, the Division worker believes a child has suffered actual harm or is in imminent risk of harm, the child may be removed from the home without a court order. Otherwise, DCPP must first obtain a court order to remove a child.

If DCPP/DYFS takes a child from home, a conference must be held within 72 hours involving the parents, caseworker and supervisor. Participants will discuss what changes are required for the child to return home and what alternative caregivers, including relatives, may be available if the child cannot return home.

What are the chances that DCPP will remove a child from the home? Under DCPP guidelines a child is to be removed only in extreme cases. The law embodies a strong presumption that children are best cared for by their parents.

How quickly can I get a court to review my case? If DCPP removes a child from the family home without first getting a court order, the parent may request a court hearing to be held within 3 days.

If a child is removed from home, can I request the child be placed with a specific person? At the initial court hearing following removal of a child, if the court orders that the child should remain outside the home, DCPP will ask you for a list of names of people with whom the child could live while the investigation continues.

What other hearings will be held once DCPP begins an investigation? Generally, the first court hearing is called a Show Cause hearing. DCPP will present the reasons it is seeking an order to remove a child from the home or require the family to engage in specific services. This is not a trial, but you or your attorney may argue against DCPP’s request. Another hearing will be scheduled 10-21 days later. At this hearing the court will decide if the case should go to a full fact-finding hearing.

Is a trial held where I can challenge DCPP’s action? If you wish to contest DCPP’s actions, a formal fact-finding hearing will be set within four months if the child was removed from the home or six months if the child remained at home. In effect, this is a trial. You will have an opportunity to tell your side of the story and present witnesses.

What level of proof does the court require? For the Division to prevail it must prove that, more likely than not, abuse occurred and, if you are the target of the investigation, that you were the person responsible for the abuse or neglect. Conversely, you only have to prove that your level of care and supervision was more likely than not appropriate to protect your child’s health and safety.

What are the possible dispositions from a fact-finding hearing? The court may decide the allegations are unfounded and dismiss the action. The court may require the family to cooperate with DCPP and engage in counseling or other services the court feels will improve the family situation. The court will determine with whom the child shall live while DCPP’s involvement continues.

If the court requires the child or family members to engage in services requested by DCPP, the court will hold a compliance review every two to three months. At these hearings the court will review progress being made to reunite the family and whether DCPP’s further involvement is warranted.

What happens if the child is unable to return home within a reasonable time? If DCPP take custody of a child, permanency hearings must begin within 12 months. These hearings require the court to decide whether the child may be able to return home in the near future and whether DCPP has made reasonable efforts to reunify the family. The goal is to find a permanent solution that is in the child’s best interest.

Can I appeal DCPP findings? Yes. If DCPP has determined you committed abuse or neglect, you are entitled to review by DCPP as well as the New Jersey Office of Administrative Law.

What happens if I cannot afford an attorney? Based on your finances, you may qualify to have an attorney appointed to assist you through the process. However, given the potential stakes of DCPP involvement, hiring an attorney experienced with challenging DCPP actions is highly recommended whenever possible.

DCPP/DYFS wields substantial power to involve itself in family matters. The best chances to terminate an investigation are often at its beginning. If you or your family is facing an investigation by the Division, prompt consultation with an attorney should be a priority. If DCPP/DYFS has contacted you, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free initial consultation.

At the conclusion of a divorce involving children, a court usually enters a Parenting Plan or visitation schedule outlining the specific times when each parent will have physical custody of a child. Cooperative parents can generally make informal changes to the plan when circumstances dictate to accommodate such things as vacations, involvement in school events or parental work schedules. Flexibility serves the needs of both parent and child and minimizes stress.

Unfortunately, not all divorces result in cooperative parenting, and a parent may withhold a child from the other parent in violation of the court ordered parenting plan. When a parent interferes with the other parent’s right to custody, the offending parent may be subject to both civil and criminal penalties.

Custodial interference, in the broadest sense, occurs when one parent actively disrupts the other parent’s scheduled time with their child.  Interference may be as relatively minor as preventing phone contact between a child and parent, interfering with the other parent’s participation in school activities or returning a child an hour late from visitation.

In the extreme, custodial interference could involve a non-custodial parent transporting a child out of state without the other parent’s permission and concealing the location of the child. Such action would trigger a host of state and federal laws. More often, custodial interference involves one parent refusing to return the child to the custodial parent after visitation or taking the child without permission at a time not allowed by the parenting plan

. Parents should also remember that, from a legal standpoint, child support and visitation are not tied together. A parent who is owed child support but fails to receive payment from the other parent does not have a right to withhold contact between a child and the owing parent. Similarly, a person who pays support cannot stop paying simply because he believes he is getting insufficient time with the child.

Remedies

Obtaining immediate assistance to seek return of a child can be frustrating. Assuming that contacting the withholding parent is ineffective, the next call is often to local police. Law enforcement personnel are often reluctant to get involved in a family dispute unless imminent danger to or kidnapping of the child can be established. Even when a custodial parent can show that a formal parenting plan clearly proves the other parent is in violation, parents are often told that the matter is for the family court to resolve.

The aggrieved parent can file a contempt motion in family court seeking return of the child and the imposition of sanctions on the withholding parent. If a court finds a parent has willfully violated a parenting plan, the court may order make-up time for the parent who was denied rightful custody. The court could also order the offending parent to pay a fine, court costs and the other parent’s legal fees.

The court might also impose a temporary change in the visitation schedule, limiting contact with the parent found in contempt or requiring visitations be supervised by a third party. The family court can be fairly creative in structuring an appropriate remedy intended to eliminate or minimize the improper conduct from reoccurring.

The drawback of resorting to the family court is that the process takes time. A motion must be filed and served on the withholding parent who then has a short period to file a response. The court will hold a hearing at which both parents and their attorneys may appear. The process can easily take weeks during which the child may not be returned by the withholding parent. However, the longer the parent withholds the child, the more severe the court’s ultimate sanctions may become.

Criminal Penalties

In many states, custodial interference carries substantial criminal penalties. Washington, New Jersey, Texas and California are among states that have criminalized interference. A person who interferes with custody may be subject to both civil penalties in the family court and misdemeanor or felony sanctions in criminal court.

State laws differ, but, generally, custodial interference is defined in criminal statutes as taking, detaining, enticing or concealing a child with the intent to deny access from the other parent who has the lawful right to time with the child pursuant to a court order. Severity of the penalty may depend on how long the child was concealed, whether a parent was previously found in contempt for violation a parenting schedule or whether the offending parent has willfully violated a court order on multiple occasions.

In Washington State, a first conviction is often treated as a gross misdemeanor with the maximum penalties being up to a year in jail and a $5,000 fine. A second conviction becomes a felony which carries up to five years in jail and a $5,000 fine. New Jersey law, by comparison, allows imprisonment between three and five years and a fine up to $15,000 for a first offense. If the child is taken outside the U.S. or withheld more than 24 hours, potential penalties jump to between five and ten years in jail and a fine up to $150,000.

Having a well-founded belief that the child may be in imminent danger if returned to the other parent may provide a defense. However, the person keeping the child must often first seek to enlist the aid of law enforcement or contact police or a child protective services agency within 24 hours and disclose and the location of the child.  Simply because a child consents to stay with the withholding parent voluntarily does not provide a blanket defense to a criminal change of interference. Most states limit that potential defense to children older than 14 or 16 years of age.

Making the child’s best interest a priority should guide parental decisions. Minimizing parental conflict is always preferable. However, if things start to get out of hand and emotions flare, contacting an attorney for advice is a wiser course than simply choosing to violate a valid court order. If you have any questions about custodial interference or child custody laws in NJ, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845 -7400 for a free initial consultation.

Parents owe a duty to their children to provide financial support. The issue of child support often is a point of contention in divorces and may remain so for years. The person paying support may attempt to reduce or eliminate payments through acts taken in bad faith. Similarly, the person receiving support may take inappropriate action when payments are not received. Here are several actions that responsible parents should and should not take involving the payment of child support.

Don’t quit a job to reduce support payments. Child support payments are based on the income of both parents. Once a support amount is determined, that amount is split in relation to each parent’s percentage of combined income. A vindictive former spouse having sufficient savings will sometimes quit a job or switch to a lower paying job to reduce his or her percentage of total income and, as a result, the support payment. This may simply make financial matters worse, because the desired support reduction may not occur.

The court may impute income to a person who is voluntarily unemployed or underemployed. This means the court can set the income level used to calculate the support payment based on prior wages, work experience and comparable jobs available if the court determines a person intentionally reduced his income to avoid paying support. Someone hoping to reduce a support payment by reducing his net income from $3800 to $2500 may unexpectedly find he will still have to pay support based on the higher income amount but with fewer resources to make the payment.

An involuntary job layoff can provide a legitimate reason to seek a support reduction. However, if you made the decision to quit or change jobs, the court will expect you to provide a legitimate reason why you are earning less than you previously earned. If you don’t have a prior wage history, the court may set a presumed income level based on a statistical table of median income for persons your age or by the applying minimum wage.

Do make partial payments if full payment is not possible. If you are unable to make the full monthly support payment, for whatever reason, pay as much as you can. Partial payment, at least, demonstrates an effort to be responsible and may prove important in court should your ex-spouse bring an action for non-payment.

Don’t ask for joint custody if you don’t intend to follow through. A parent required to pay support will sometimes make a pitch for joint physical custody and argue that, since the parents will share the child equally, no one should pay support to the other. While it’s true that a non-custodial parent will often get a support reduction by having the child reside with him 30-50% of the year, that parent must follow through on the commitment.

Just saying you will take the child 175 nights of the year in order to reduce child support will backfire if you don’t actually have the child as much as promised. What appeared to the court as a beneficial parenting arrangement for the child will quickly be revealed as a self-serving effort to escape paying support if facts don’t live up to promises.

Do keep payment records. Don’t ever pay cash. If you are the one making a payment, use a check or money order, and keep a copy for your records. If you are receiving support, make copies of all checks received before deposit. Arranging for payment to be made through a state’s child support enforcement agency will benefit both parties since records will be maintained by a neutral party.

Don’t withhold visitation for non-payment. Judges will usually find it improper for a custodial parent to prevent a child from having regular contact with the other parent even if that parent falls behind in making support payments. Monetary disputes are between the adults, not the children. Similarly, you shouldn’t involve your child in support issues by badmouthing the other parent or blaming the other parent’s failure to pay as the reason you cannot afford something the child wants. While a non-paying parent may be held in contempt of court for not paying support, a parent who prevents a child from visitation can also be held in contempt. If you are the parent owed money, you should still follow the court’s orders.

Do take action to modify support if financial circumstances change. If you experience a legitimate loss of income through a job layoff, health issues, or other circumstances, contact the support enforcement agency to explain. You may be granted a temporary reduction in support, which will prevent you from falling further behind. If you make payments directly to your ex-spouse, discuss the situation with that person, including an estimate of when you may be able to resume making full payment. If all else fails, file a motion to modify support in court. Don’t delay if this option appears necessary. A court order reducing support will only apply to future payments after a modification has been granted and not to payments which are past due.

Don’t move to another state thinking you can escape paying support. A child support order entered in one state in enforceable in any other state. Moving might make it difficult to find you for a short period, but after being found, you will still owe all the back support. If that amount exceeds $5,000, you may also face federal criminal charges and up to two years in prison if convicted.

Don’t file bankruptcy to eliminate past-due support. Federal law prohibits the discharge of child support debt in bankruptcy. You will still be obligated to pay any past due and future payments. However, filing for bankruptcy may be advisable if it will eliminate other debt and make full payment of your support obligation more manageable for your budget.

Payment of support is intended to allow a child to receive the same benefits he or she would have enjoyed if the family had remained intact. While sending a monthly check may seem a sterile way to demonstrate love for a son or daughter, maintaining regular payment fulfills an important parental obligation and should be a priority for all parents who want the best for their children. If you have any questions about child support in New Jersey, contact the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free initial consultation.

Entry of final papers in a divorce frequently triggers a variety of emotions. There may be a feeling of relief at having survived the legal process. Even when divorce is uncontested there is often a feeling of sadness from officially ending a relationship that once was special. There should also be feelings of hope and optimism as you embark on a journey to create a life after divorce.

Creating your new life means letting go of the old. Harboring resentment from actions taken or things said during the divorce process will only hold you back. Now is the time move forward, to set new goals, welcome new experiences and to revive the dreams of what you once hoped to accomplish in life. Certainly, you may need time to grieve over the loss of your marriage, but also view this life change as an opportunity to rediscover and reinvent yourself.

Your new life will require attention to practical matters but should also allow you to enjoy activities that, while married, you may have deemed impractical. On the practical side, you need to change your will and, possibly, the named beneficiaries on your life insurance. Joint accounts should be closed. You may need to obtain your own health insurance. Review your budget and monthly expenses taking into consideration any spousal or child support you may pay or receive. This process may have begun while the divorce was pending, but a quick re-evaluation may prove worthwhile.

Now may be the time to take some classes to enhance job skills or to look for a better or higher paying job. Unless you are caring for kids, your time is now your own. You have greater freedom to work hours you choose without regard to the needs or demands of a spouse. Being single also means having to rely more on your own talents and skills. Tasks your spouse completed are now your responsibility. Embracing these new challenges will enhance your feeling of self-worth and build confidence in your abilities.

If you are the custodial parent for children from the marriage, realize that many of the day to day child rearing decisions are up to you now. You may feel added responsibility from being the parent who must make many of the day to day decisions, but you also enjoy the freedom to make decisions on your own without seeking or requiring agreement from anyone. Life after divorce may also provide an opportunity to re-invest in your children’s lives by spending more time being involved in their school or extracurricular activities. You are the person who will likely attend most teacher conferences, sporting events and school concerts. You will be the parent your kids will usually seek out first for advice. Recognizing and accepting these responsibilities without fear of being criticized or second-guessed by anyone will feel more rewarding as a parent.

If you are the non-custodial parent and have accepted that role, make the most of your time.  If that means your kids spend every other weekend with you, plan for it. When the kids are not with you, your time is your own. You can work as late as you want, come and go as you please, go out with your own friends and pursue your personal interests. Then, when the kids arrive for parenting time, you can and should make them your sole focus.

The children will benefit from having your undivided attention even for a short period. Choose activities you and the kids enjoy or in which you would like them involved. Use the time wisely to build strong, positive relationships. You may find a short, concentrated period spent together is far more productive and enjoyable than the brief and sometimes sporadic contact you may have had tending to the demands of daily life when married.

During marriage you lived and viewed life as a couple striving toward what you believed were shared goals. Perhaps you made sacrifices to further your spouse’s career or set aside your own interests as impractical in order to share your spouse’s interests. That time is past. Life after divorce provides an opportunity to re-examine and set your own personal goals. You should look to the past and remember the things you enjoyed prior to marriage while also looking to the future. Consider where you want to see your life five years from now and start down the path.

Divorce tends to shrink the circle of friends or acquaintances you may have seen on a regular basis, particularly those who had a primary relationship with your former spouse. Don’t become isolated. Spend more time with friends you may not have seen in some time, people special to you and from whom you may have drifted apart after you married. Reconnecting can both ground you and provide added enjoyment in your life particularly as you recover from the divorce.

Strike up new friendships. Go to lunch with a work colleague. Join a club that focuses on a favorite interest. Volunteer to work for a community organization. There is no need to rush into socializing after divorce. Partaking in some isolated “me” time may be therapeutic for a while, but, eventually, connecting face-to-face with the world around you should enhance your life.

Engage in activities you enjoy. Activities that may have been impractical in a marriage may prove practical now. Do things that make you happy or feel fulfilled.  Go to a movie with a friend, take a class about a favorite hobby or craft, play golf without feeling guilty or go on a day trip by yourself, with the kids or with friends. Take a walk or a nap when you feel like it. This is your life now. Live it.

Entry of final divorce papers ends only one chapter in your life. The day after divorce is the first day of the rest of your life and provides an opportunity to reassert control over your life. Take advantage of your rediscovered freedom to choose who you want to be, to determine what you want to achieve and to begin taking steps that will accomplish your goals. If you have any questions about divorce law, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free initial consultation.

Divorce and Health Insurance

The availability and cost of health insurance for both children and soon-to-be former spouses should be considered in every divorce. Maintaining access to affordable health insurance consistently ranks near the top of consumer concerns. Child support laws vary by state. While every state requires parents to provide health insurance for their children, there is no legal obligation for one spouse to provide insurance coverage for the other spouse following divorce. However, several options exist to help ensure both spouses have adequate health care coverage after a marriage is terminated.

Insurance Coverage for Children

Federal and state laws require parents to maintain health insurance coverage for dependent children. The responsibility to pay for health insurance is often spelled out in a child support order entered at the end of a divorce proceeding. In some cases, both parents will be ordered to provide insurance if it is available at an affordable cost through an employer. Alternatively, one parent may be ordered to provide insurance with the other required to contribute to the cost based on income. If coverage is not available through employment, insurance must be obtained from the private market, Medicaid or the federal Children’s Health Insurance Program.

If both parents are able to obtain insurance, one policy may be designated for primary use with the other policy covering costs not paid by primary coverage. Since the parent who takes a child to the doctor will be expected to pay for services when rendered, parents are often advised to enter into a contract with the doctor that specifically outlines the percentage of co-payments and other uninsured costs for which each parent will be billed and expected to pay. The contract should be signed by both parents.

Some states include a fixed minimal amount for unreimbursed health care costs in the calculation of basic child support. For example, New Jersey’s formula includes up to $250 annually in out-of-pocket medical expenses when calculating a monthly child support amount. Health care costs not covered by insurance and which exceed a state’s minimum amount are typically ordered to be paid by parents based on their share of total net income.

For example, if one parent earns $2,000 per month and the other earns $3,000, total income is $5,000. The parent earning $3,000 would be required to pay 60 percent of unreimbursed medical expenses once the minimum amount is exceeded. This usually includes, deductibles, co-pays and services not covered by insurance.

Can You Keep Spouse on Insurance After Divorce?

Once a divorce becomes final, there is no legal obligation for a former spouse to provide health insurance coverage for his or her former partner. In fact, insurance companies will not allow a former spouse to be covered. For example, if you and your children were covered under your spouse’s health insurance policy, once the divorce is final you will no longer be covered by the policy since, legally, you are no longer part of the family for insurance purposes. This leaves you with the challenge of finding affordable coverage.

Among your options is extending the insurance coverage which existed under the family plan but paying for it as an individual plan. This often referred to as COBRA.  Provisions of a federal law, the Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act (COBRA), apply to businesses that employ at least 20 people. COBRA allows a former spouse to continue with the same coverage enjoyed during the marriage for up to 36 months. The drawback is that you are required to pay for coverage, and, since the employer is no longer paying a portion of your premium, coverage is often costly.

If the former insured spouse worked for a company employing less than 20 people, state law may allow your coverage to be extended similar to what federal law allows but for a shorter period of time. These state laws are often called mini-COBRAs. You would again be solely responsible for premium payments.

Anyone going through divorce should check with a spouse’s health insurance carrier to see if a COBRA option is available and at what cost. Typically, a former spouse has 60 days following the divorce to notify the insurer that COBRA coverage is desired. If nothing else, COBRA coverage will at least keep you insured until you can obtain a less costly alternative.

Other options for insurance coverage may prove more cost effective. If you are employed or plan to enter the workplace, obtaining insurance coverage via an employer-provided policy will usually be less expensive than COBRA coverage.

Buying your own insurance on the private market or through your state’s insurance marketplace may also prove less expensive than COBRA as a result of subsidies provided under the federal Affordable Care Act (ACA), commonly referred to as Obamacare. While insurance providers usually only allow people to buy insurance during limited annual enrollment periods, the ACA permits people who have experienced major life changes, such as divorce, to obtain insurance anytime.

Choosing legal separation rather than divorce provides another option. Entering into a legal separation agreement or obtaining a decree of legal separation in states which provide that option allows couples to remain married while allocating debts and property, providing child and spousal support and establishing residential provision for children just as in a divorce.

Since the parties are still legally married, the insurer may continue to provide coverage under a family policy. Legal separation usually only works well if spouses are cooperative, and neither spouse may remarry since, although separated, they remain married. Persons considering this option should check with the insurer to determine if coverage will be provided during separation.

Future health care coverage for both children and parents should be part of all divorce settlement discussions. Given the potential cost to a soon-to be ex-spouse, this item may be as critical as payment of spousal support. Once the cost of various options have been reviewed, your negotiations should include how insurance coverage will be provided for a period of time and at least partial payment for coverage by your spouse. Include specific terms in the divorce decree. Both parties in a divorce should expect to make some sacrifices, but adequate health insurance should not be one of them. If you have any questions concerning divorce and health insurance, please call (201) 845-7400 and make an appointment for a free initial consultation with the Law Offices Of Peter Van Aulen.

Some couples see marriage as the beginning of a journey during which they will come to better know and love each other every day. Others prefer to have a clearer view of the path on which they are about to embark. Toward that goal, couples should take the time to explore some basic issues which will confront nearly all married couples. These are some of the more important discussions for persons about to marry.

Money and Finances. Financial issues are a leading cause of divorce. People about to join their lives should discuss if and how they will join their finances. Spending habits and the existence of current debt should be disclosed. Disclosure of all financial accounts is a must. Keeping a secret bank account is sure way to deal a serious blow to the marriage once the account is discovered. Couples should determine if they will share joint credit cards and bank accounts and whether income from all sources will be combined.

Other important issues include how much each might contribute financially to purchase of a home or car, whether retirement accounts will be established and how each views saving, investing and long-term financial goals. Feelings about lending money to family members, living within a set monthly budget and how much debt is acceptable are also worthy of conversation.

Property. Each person brings property into the marriage. From a legal standpoint, those items are considered that individual’s separate property. Couples should discuss how future acquisitions will be considered. For example, most states view property obtained after marriage via inheritance and gifts as that person’s separate property when allocating property in a divorce. Discussing how an inheritance and other items which may be received from a parental estate will be treated may prevent a later conflict. If one or both parties bring substantial property into the marriage, talking about a prenuptial agreement may be in order.

Personal history. Starting a marriage while harboring significant secrets about your past is asking for future trouble. Bringing the skeletons out of the closet demonstrates both trust of your future spouse and a commitment to honesty in the relationship. Issues related to family, health, prior alcohol or drug use, excessive gambling or criminal activity are best addressed up front.

Children and parenting. You might wonder how a couple about to be married could avoid discussing this issue, yet discussion is often replaced by assumption only to find a couple struggling with major differences in views a few years into the marriage. Couples should discuss the number of children they envision having and what specific circumstances should exist before starting a family. How might financial stability and career choices impact family expansion? If health issues prevent pregnancy, would adoption be a viable alternative?

Parenting styles are often based on a person’s own upbringing, and spouses may bring completely different experiences to the marriage. As such, exploring a few basic topics about child raising makes sense. After a child arrives, will one person become a full time stay-at home parent? Will use of daycare while both parents work be acceptable? Will discipline be enforced as a team or, primarily, by one parent?

The in-laws. Each party to a marriage typically becomes part of a newly expanded family. This creates plenty of new relationships to navigate and potential new obligations. Couples should discuss how much interaction with their own family members they anticipate after the marriage. Will in-laws expect attendance at certain holidays and occasions? Will you expect your spouse to take part in your family’s traditions or will you start new traditions to celebrate events? Will vacations be shared with a spouse’s family? Consider what obligations may arise to help provide care for aging parents.

Future residential plans. Career choices can lead to frequent changes of locale. Particularly when you and your partner were raised in different geographic regions, it would be prudent to discuss where you see yourselves living once the choice is entirely yours. Don’t simply presume that because you spent your youth on the west coast that a spouse raised in the Florida will naturally be agreeable to settle down thousands of miles from family. Remaining flexible on location is great. Just be sure you’re both on the same page.

Personal time. Each person in a marriage brings a set of friends and a background of engaging in leisure activities which has been pleasurable. These may not necessarily be completely compatible with a new spouse. Couples should discuss how they feel about each other having separate time to see their own friends or do things each has come to enjoy. Resentment can quickly build if one person feels everything should be experienced as a married couple while the other wants to continue seeing his or her friends for a movie, a round of golf or a night out.

Similarly, how each person feels about the other seeing a former boyfriend or girlfriend should be explored as well as how each feels about the other casually seeing someone of the opposite gender for lunch or a drink after work. Expecting a spouse to give up long-time friends and activities is usually not realistic. Discuss how you plan to get the most out of your time together and what is reasonable for spending time apart.

Conflict resolution. Arguments are inevitable. Knowing how each person resolves conflicts can prevent a new marriage from quickly being threatened. While dating, each person may strive to demonstrate best behavior. While actual observance of behavior under stress may provide the best answer, couples should discuss how they cope with anxious situations. Do you become physical or withdraw? Are you quick to anger and express rage to release tension? Discuss how you, as a couple, see yourselves resolving small issues such as differences in preferred home décor or leaving clothes scattered on the floor as well as how you might handle a truly stressful situation.

Religion. While it seems obvious that this topic would be raised while dating, a fuller discussion is often warranted. How large a role does religion play in your lives? If you come from different faiths, how will that affect raising a child? Will your spouse not sharing your religious beliefs be a source of tension? If one person attends church regularly and the other does not, how will that work after marriage?

Household tasks. How routine household chores will be handled is often worth a talk. Conflicts may arise if one spouse comes from a home where cleaners came in every week to perform basic tasks and the other spouse lived in a home where parents expected the children to share in the daily cooking and cleaning. Different expectations about home organization and cleanliness can quickly escalate tension that might have easily been avoided by a little conversation.

Each day of marriage is a learning experience. While you can’t predict all of the issues that will arise and potentially lead to conflict, you can expect to deal with most of the topics above at some point during the marriage. Rather than simply hoping or presuming your future spouse is in sync with your plans, some honest discussions will create a firmer foundation on which to build your relationship as you begin married life together.

If you have any questions about prenuptial agreements, contact the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free initial consultation.

If you are going through a divorce, chances are that you have already allied yourself with the usual suspects: a lawyer, a therapist, family members and old friends. But one of the best resources you can draw upon to give you strength during the divorce process is a divorce support group. Perhaps you have never heard of these. They are meetings of people going through a divorce, where individuals can share their stories and express their emotions in a neutral and supportive environment. Many churches or community centers offer these groups – it just might take a bit of digging to find out where and when they are held. Joining these groups can make a significant, positive impact on your emotional well-being during your case.

These groups can offer a number of benefits. First, they can be held in person or even online, meaning that you have no excuse to not attend. Deciding to do so is a major first step, and if you take the plunge, take a moment to praise yourself. Some groups might offer events that could help you, such as bringing in professional counsellors or legal experts to provide general information about going through a divorce. Others are more traditional, encouraging its members to be open about their experiences and share solutions and stories. Some might be able to provide you with professional resources or referrals. They provide a supportive community and keep you accountable for your actions and attendance. But most of all, they comprise of people who will listen to you with an empathetic ear. Each member in that group knows exactly what you are going through. Sometimes, just being able to acknowledge that you are not alone in your suffering can be incredibly healing.

Once you decide that attending a divorce support group might be worthwhile, you will have to decide what kind of group you should attend. There are some which are faith-based. Others focus on women or men. Some focus on divorcing with children or addressing people who were involved in abusive relationships. And of course, there are general divorce groups that are not targeted at any particular demographic. You will need to determine if it is important to you have to a group that is focused on one aspect, or a more general discussion of divorce.

Divorce often destroys self-esteem, especially among women. In some cases, women who get divorced face poverty post-divorce a staggering nine times more frequently than women who remain married. A divorced woman will suffer a thirty percent drop in her income, while a man will feel only a ten percent reduction. The stress of raising a child under financial difficulties can lead to high levels of stress compounded by low self-esteem. Their mental health takes a hit, which can have a rippling effect on all aspects of their lives. Therefore, it might be beneficial for a woman who is going through a divorce to seek out a female-focused support group for divorcing parties. Women are social creatures and depend on a community to get through tough times. These kind of support groups are a natural offshoot of this tendency. Other members provide a sounding board, advice and sometimes a vote of confidence for women going through the process.

Men’s groups may be more difficult to find. The sad reality is that men feel a certain pressure from society not to be seen as weak or need external help when going through emotional trauma. Nothing could be further from the truth. Men’s support groups offer the same benefits as a women’s support group and provide comfort that they are not alone. A support group will prevent members from becoming deluded and hold them accountable for their actions. This may lead to a less combative and more cooperative divorce process. Men are also more likely to have fewer social connections outside their marriage. Once that is ending, men can find it difficult to get the kind of emotional bolstering they require since their friend group has likely halved. Men’s groups can step into this role. They can also encourage men to connect with their emotions in a healthy way. Many men can find it difficult to express themselves, especially when it comes to a divorce. Support groups offer a platform for them to do so without judgment or pressure and can provide tools for men to learn how to effectively communicate how they are feeling. This, in turn, can mean they are better parents and more able to co-parent effectively.

While there are certainly co-ed groups that can provide similar positive effects, the benefits of segregated groups cannot be understated. Men and women usually express themselves differently. Being in a group with the same sex can avoid miscommunications between members. Above all, many groups are restricted to one sex for safety reasons. There may be abuse in previous relationships. A person may not want to become vulnerable if they do not feel physically reassured. And, keeping groups to one gender reduces the chances that others are there to find a new partner or date. Most of the members of a support group are emotionally vulnerable and do not want to feel pressured by someone else to get into a relationship if they are not ready.

If you decide to join a divorce support group, find one that is facilitated by a professional. While self-guided groups are still useful, a facilitator can ensure that the meetings are productive and a safe space to share. Sometimes, when discussing divorces, previous traumas or experiences of abuse may arise or be remembered. A professional should be there to identify and support an individual feeling the effects of a long-forgotten trauma. Additionally, other mental health issues can arise during a divorce, such as anxiety or reactive depression. When a facilitator is present, they can monitor individuals suffering from these conditions and will recognize when and if they need to step in and recommend individual therapy or medication.

If you need more information about divorce, contact the Law Office of Peter Van Aulen for a free initial consultation today at 201) 745 – 8400.

Parenting Plans, entered as part of the final orders in a divorce, layout the custody and visitation arrangements between parents and children. The plan acts as a co-parenting blueprint by outlining the rights and responsibilities each parent has toward a child. Regardless of how custody is shared, one person will usually be designated as the primary or custodial parent. The child will be required to reside with that parent except for specific times when the child will live with the non-custodial parent.

Courts seek to encourage frequent and regular interaction between children and both parents unless a reason, such as a history of domestic violence, exists to limit contact. Ideally, the parents should mutually work to craft the plan rather than delegate the task to the court. Creativity in structuring the custody and visitation details can provide positive results for both children and parents.

The traditional schedule for school-age children has the child living with the primary parent most of the time with the child residing at the other parent’s home every other weekend from Friday evening to Sunday evening. Holidays are rotated each year. Winter and spring breaks from school may be split or alternated. The child may live with the non-custodial parent for a couple of weeks to half of the summer vacation. This time-worn schedule creates the weekend parent, a status often loathed by the non-custodial parent. However, a few changes can make a big difference.

Begin by extending weekend visitation time to start after school on Friday and extend it to Monday morning. This helps eliminate Sunday night stress which is compounded by both preparing for school and switching homes. The parent who has the child Monday will provide transportation to school. Add a mid-week visit for the non-custodial parent. The visit may be just a few hours in the evening or may last overnight with the parent once again getting the child to school.

When two children are involved, parents might use the mid-week visit to focus special attention on each child. Each parent would take one child for a special Wednesday evening activity. The following week each parent would take the other child. This helps ensure each child gets important one-on-one time with both parents.

Creativity is particularly required when one parent has non-traditional weekends or works swing or graveyard shifts. If the parent gets Tuesday and Wednesday off rather than the weekend, the plan should accommodate the schedule. If a parent gets off work at 11 p.m. Friday, it makes more sense to begin visitation Saturday morning and end it Monday morning.

A first right of refusal provision can prove beneficial. If a parent who has custody of the child must be away from home for several hours or even overnight for work, that parent would be required to first ask the other parent to provide care for the child before resorting to another family member or babysitter.

Summer vacation can be maximized for each parent by splitting it equally. The primary parent may choose the first half of summer in even years and have the last half in odd years. During the extended period when the child resides with either parent, the other parent will get the weekend and mid-week visits. Plan provisions should also specify that the child shall be with the parent for his or her formal vacation from work. This may require parents to cooperate and reschedule custodial weeks.

Joint Custody Variations

Joint physical custody typically means that children live with each parent for an equal amount of time year-round. Parents seeking joint custody out of a desire to have equal time with their child, and not as a ploy to reduce child support payments, have to honestly assess whether circumstances support such an arrangement. In theory, the arrangement may sound fair and good for the children. In practice, it may prove difficult to achieve.

The practicality for a child to frequently alternate between residences depends on a variety of factors. These include the proximity of the parents’ homes to each other and to the child’s school. The ideal situation arises if homes are within walking distance of each other. Parents should also consider the child’s age, needs, and temperament. Parents must have the ability to be flexible and cooperative. Flexibility requires parents to be set aside any lasting hostility they may feel towards each other to do what is in the best interest of their children.

Parental work schedules can quickly make joint custody plans unfeasible. If a parent frequently travels or works late, the benefits of joint custody are minimized. Both parents should have jobs which allow them to be home most evenings. Similarly, as children become more involved in school and social activities, changes to the residential schedule may be required on short notice.

Parents must ensure there is an adequate amount of clothes and school supplies at each residence including any technological equipment required to complete schoolwork. Parents must be able to achieve consistency in rules and discipline so as not to undermine the authority of the other parent. This is important in any shared parenting arrangement but, perhaps, even more so when custody is split evenly. Behavior expectations and consequences for the child should be the same regardless of the residence.

If some form of joint physical custody appears practical, a variety of approaches can be tried. The child may simply alternate residences on a weekly basis. To provide greater stability, the switch might take place every two weeks. Alternatively, each week could be split with the child at one home three days a week and at the other home four days, then reverse the pattern the following week. A variation of the plan would split the weekdays so one parent has two days and the other gets three days each week while weekends are alternated.

Custody and parenting plans can be as creative as the parents who design them. Success depends on the willingness of parents to commit to the plan, to be cooperative and flexible and to support their children. Achieving success maximizes the involvement of both parents in their children’s lives.

Peter Van Aulen has been a divorce attorney for over 24 years. His law practice is devoted totally to family and divorce law. If you have any questions concerning divorce, child custody and parenting plans contact him at (201) 845-7400 for a free initial consultation.

In any divorce matter, the issue of retirement can be contentious. This is usually because it can be one of the largest assets in the marriage, particularly when the parties have been married long-term. When it comes to the division of military retirement, the regulations surrounding its division can be complex – especially when military disability is involved. The New Jersey Appellate division case of Fattore v Fattore discusses the various issues that can arise with military retirement and divorce.

The parties had been married over thirty-five years when they divorced in 1997. Their final judgment included a waiver of mutual alimony, which stated that they each waive alimony to each other now and in the future. Among other assets, each party’s pension was divided. Plaintiff, an operating room nurse, earned a modest pension, and she was to receive a one-half interest in the community portion of defendant’s pension, which had been offset against any equity she was going to receive in exchange for defendant keeping the marital resident (about $55,000.00). The defendant was a full-time member in the Army National Guard at the time of the divorce. A Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) was finalized in 1999. The defendant continued in his role in the Army for another three years until he became disabled in 2002. He was able to receive pension and disability without impacting his pension pay-out, and he was able to receive disability benefits, tax-free. A party opting for disability benefits in lieu of retirement payments are fairly regular occurrences in the context of military retirement and divorce.

The plaintiff never contacted the defendant to find out the status of the pension, and the defendant assumed that she had been receiving her share of the benefit. In 2010, the plaintiff contacted the Army and they responded that because a portion of the defendant’s pay is based on disability, it cannot be divided. It is an authorized deduction and so, there is nothing left for the property to be divided. She filed a motion to compel the defendant for compensation in 2016. At trial, the judge determined that although the situation was the fault of neither party, it was nevertheless unfair and appointed a pension appraiser to determine what her interest in the defendant’s pension would have been at the time of their final divorce judgment. In the interim, the defendant was required to pay her $1800 a month, which would be taken from any of his resources. This was not to be alimony, nor would alimony be required since both parties had waived their rights to it previously.

The defendant appealed, arguing that the trial judge was in error in requiring him to pay the plaintiff her share of the pension from another source. The appellate court agreed but noted that their precedential opinion in a similar case was not issued until three months after the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision in Howell. In Howell, the parties’ decree stated that the wife was entitled to 50 percent of the husband’s USAF retirement. She began receiving her share, but thirteen years later, the husband became partially disabled. This resulted in him receiving disability benefits, thus waiving a commensurate amount of retirement pay. This diminished the wife’s share of retirement. The trial court felt she had the right to receive her full share – one-half of the pension. On appeal, the state supreme court affirmed their order and held that federal did not pre-empt the trial court’s order.

But the U.S. Supreme Court held that federal law fully pre-empts individual states from treating waived military retirement pay as divisible community property. That is because a military pension is a contingent right, and not a vested right and so, shares in military retirement pay may ultimately be less than what is thought at the time of the divorce in the event of a disability. Congress intended to leave out disability benefits from its definition of disposable retirement pay, and states cannot override this intent. Therefore, in the Fattore case, the appellate court held that the original calculation of the contingent pension benefit was waived once the defendant opted to receive disability, and so requiring him to pay the figure from another asset is pre-empted and reversed.

That said, the court agreed that there was some injustice and that the circumstances had changed so much that it warranted the consideration of an award of alimony, despite the waiver. The Howell court explicitly noted that a family court is free to take account of reductions in the value of military pensions when it calculates (or recalculates) spousal support. The appellate court did not agree with the defendant that this should exclude alimony waivers. The fact that support payments are heavily tied to equitable distribution and courts need to always consider what is just and equitable and should rely on public policy. It seemed clear that the plaintiff waived her right to alimony in exchange for the promise of receiving her share of the defendant’s military pension. He had earned 75 percent more income than she did at the time of the divorce, giving greater weight to the argument that she gave valuable consideration in giving up her rights to support. This unforeseeable loss of the pension benefit is surely a substantial and permanent change in circumstances which is enough to invalidate the waiver. The court held that upholding the alimony waiver in such a situation would be ‘wholly unfair.’ The case was remanded for the judge to reconsider an alimony claim.

Therefore, while this case at first appears to inject instability into divorce negotiations dealing with military retirement, it recognizes the inherent inequality in relying on money that is merely contingent, rather than vested. Legal practitioners should take account of this matter and include language in their settlements or judgments that have contingency plans for their clients in the event the community portion of military retirement is reduced under similar circumstances. If you are worried about the issues of military retirement and divorce, contact the law offices of Peter Van Aulen today for a consultation at (201) 845 – 7400.

For a happy couple contemplating marriage and planning for the big day, a discussion related to divorce and death is usually not a top priority on the to-do list. However, consideration of a prenuptial agreement which can protect important property and financial interests requires that talk. Therefore, knowing what is a prenup and understanding its benefits are important to your financial future. A prenuptial or premarital agreement, also known as a prenup, is simply a written contract between two people planning to be married outlining use or disposition of property and distribution of debts in the event of divorce, the death of a spouse or other event.

Premarital agreements trace their origins back thousands of years when they were commonly used by royal families to protect their riches. A present-day misconception is that prenups are only necessary for the wealthy. In reality, prenups can be vital and provide benefits for people of moderate means.

Prenups are valid in all 50 states. More than half the states have adopted the Uniform Premarital Agreement Act drafted in 1983. States which have not adopted the act in whole have enacted statutes which mirror many of the law’s provisions.

A well-drafted agreement can limit legal disputes and court involvement in the event of a future separation. This can save time and money and limit some of the emotional distress caused by divorce. A prenup allows parties to determine how property acquired during marriage will be distributed should the marriage fail. It may designate that specific debt acquired prior to or during the marriage remain one person’s sole responsibility.

Protecting Property Interests

Prenuptial agreements can be particularly important when either of the parties owns property acquired prior to marriage. A prenup often provides that premarital property remains the separate property of the owner. This can help protect valuable family heirlooms as well as real estate. The agreement might restrict responsibility to the owner for maintenance, sale or lease of the property. The prenup can also address how any additions to or increase in the value of the premarital property will be handled or how property acquired after marriage is to be distributed if the premarital property was used, in part, to purchase it.

A common goal of prenuptial agreements is to ensure that premarital property is passed to the owner’s children from a prior marriage in the event of the owner’s death. Without a prenup, circumstances and state laws could result in property owned by one spouse going to the other spouse’s children from a prior marriage.

A business created and grown prior to marriage can be safeguarded by a prenup. This can protect a business or professional practice from being divided or subject to decision making by a former spouse in the event of divorce.

Expected or previously received inheritance funds can be designated the sole asset of the recipient. Ownership of joint gifts, wedding rings, and other personal property can be outlined. A prenuptial agreement might also be important for someone owning significant stocks or retirement funds or who has elderly parents who need or will require future care.

Other Important Provisions

Virtually any topic the parties want to address may be included as long as the law allows it. A prenup might require one party to maintain a life insurance policy for the other upon separation. How legal fees will be paid in the event of a divorce could be included. Even care and ownership of the family pet can be established in a prenup circumventing a frequent dispute when parties separate.

Prenups can also specify actions to take place upon the occurrence of an event during the marriage. For example, the contract might include automatic termination or require payment from one spouse to another upon discovery of a spouse’s infidelity. If the death of a spouse is the triggering event, the prenup can take the place of a will. While a spouse’s will can never be less generous than a prenup, it can always provide more than designated in the premarital agreement.

The parties can declare which state law will govern the interpretation of a prenup and in what state any legal proceedings will take place if needed. Without such a designation, the prenup will be interpreted in accordance with the law of the state in which the parties reside.

The amount of spousal support to be paid in the event of separation can be set in a prenuptial agreement, but states may vary in upholding such provisions. Setting an amount of alimony to be paid can be important to a spouse who plans to limit or give up a potentially lucrative career due to marriage. The prenup can ensure compensation to the spouse in the event the marriage fails. However, if the contract provides such meager support to result in requiring a person to rely on public assistance, that provision will often be found invalid.

Prenuptial agreements have limits. Parties cannot determine child custody or support issues by contract. The ultimate determination of these issues remains with the courts.  Prenups cannot violate criminal law or public policy.

Bringing up a discussion of what will happen in the event of a divorce can create a lack of trust from a future spouse. A sunset clause can make a prenuptial agreement more acceptable. The agreement can specify a set number of years after which the agreement expires. Provisions thought to be important prior to marriage may no longer be deemed necessary once the union has withstood the test of time.

Creating a Valid Agreement

Specific requirements must be met to ensure a prenuptial agreement is valid and likely to be upheld in court. It must be in writing and signed prior to marriage. Signatures should be witnessed and notarized.

The prenup must be considered fair at the time it was entered into. A court will sometimes also require the agreement to be fair at the time of enforcement. Fairness depends, in part, on whether the parties made a complete disclosure of all income sources, assets and debts. The prenup usually contains a clause by which both parties attest that there has been full disclosure. To ensure the fact, a written financial statement listing all properties, financial accounts and liabilities is usually attached to the agreement. Certain states require the same.

The prenup must be entered into voluntarily and without undue pressure. This generally requires the agreement to be written and reviewed well in advance of the wedding date and that both parties have adequate time for review by independent legal counsel. One party should never present a prenup to a fiancée mere days before the wedding nor should the couple rely on one attorney. While it is not legally required that each person have the contract reviewed by a separate attorney, the opportunity to do so must be allowed. Consequently, some states require that if a party does not have legal representation, the agreement must clearly state that said party is knowingly waving his or her right to the same.

The agreement should include a severability clause stating that if one provision of the contract is deemed invalid, the balance of the prenup remains in effect. Finally, the prenup should include a declaration that both parties have carefully reviewed the agreement, believe it to be fair and equitable and have signed it freely and voluntarily.

Rather than avoiding discussion of a prenuptial agreement for fear of causing tension, the conversation should be approached as a positive step. This requires future spouses to discuss their financial status in detail, something a couple about to be married should be doing in any event. Even if a prenup is never drafted, it is always wise to know what financial obligations and assets each party brings to the marriage, a union which is often as much financial as emotional. Parties should not attempt to draft and sign a prenup on their own. It is important to have skilled prenuptial lawyer. If contemplating marriage and you have questions about what is a prenup and if it is right for you, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free initial consultation.

The specific questions were, first: whether a plaintiff is a ‘victim of domestic violence’ as defined within a ‘dating relationship’ when the relationship consisted primarily of an intermittent sexual relationship but missing the traditional elements of a dating relationship defined in Andrews v. Rutherford. Next, the court examined whether a defendant can use the defense of consent when accused of simple assault and harassment by offensive touching when there was no dispute that the parties enjoyed consensual rough sex with each other.

The two individuals in question had known each other for several years. The female plaintiff was granted a temporary restraining order (TRO) alleging that they had a dating relationship, including a sexual relationship with the defendant that has lasted for 8 years. The incident which led to her request occurred during a session of consensual rough sex, wherein the plaintiff alleged that the defendant said he hated her and punched her with a closed fist. When she asked him about the punch, he laughed and punched her again. At the hearing for the final NJ restraining order, the parties represented themselves and had no other witnesses other than themselves. The parties had frequent sex during the first years of their relationship, followed by a three-year cessation of sex. But for the last year, the relationship had consisted of irregular encounters – about once every three months – which involved consensual rough sex.

The plaintiff testified that she had never consented to the use of a closed fist to punch her, but also admitted that they had never sat down to set boundaries for what force was appropriate during their sexual encounters. She also testified that their encounter continued for another 20 minutes after being struck. She further testified that the defendant had shown up to her workplace before, and she was concerned he would return. In response, the defendant stated that plaintiff had texted his girlfriend to say he was cheating on her. He had shown up at her workplace to question her about the incident, and he left voluntarily when she asked him to leave. The court felt that the plaintiff was not a credible witness. She was inconsistent in her allegations, including whether the defendant punched her a second time. The defendant was found to be consistent and a credible witness.

To figure out whether a dating relationship occurred for purposes of the NJ restraining order statute, the court used the six factors listed in Andrews. There had not been much interpersonal bonding, and neither party considered it to be ‘dating’ in spite of the span of the relationship. Neither party believed there was any future to the relationship, nor did they hold themselves out as a couple to their friends and family. For most of the Andrews factors, it would then appear that there is insufficient evidence to demonstrate a ‘dating relationship.’ But the final factor includes ‘other reasons unique to support or detract from a finding that a dating relationship exists.’ The purpose of the law in New Jersey is to give victims of domestic violence the maximum amount of protection under the law. Thus, the court used a qualitative analysis under Andrews, rather than relying on how many of the factors could apply and that a relationship like this should be considered a ‘dating relationship’ for purposes of the law. The Andrews case also explicitly left open the possibility that parties might be in a secret relationship where they purposely do not hold themselves out as a pair to friends and family.

Next, the court has to undertake a two-step analysis to determine whether there is sufficient evidence that at least one of the predicate acts in the statute has occurred, and if met, whether a restraining order should be entered. Given the physical acts admitted by the defendant, it was clear to the court that he engaged in both assault and offensive touching under the harassment statute. The court then had to consider the value of the defendant’s affirmative defense of consent. Consent to bodily harm will stand as a defense if the harm consented to is not serious, and the harm is reasonably foreseeable in an activity that is not prohibited by law. While the court could agree with the plaintiff that a closed fist punch would likely cross the lines of their previous conduct, the fact that she voluntarily engaged in sexual relations for a full twenty minutes after the punch undermines her argument that she had not consented. Her testimony was inconsistent. The court emphasized the lack of history of violence between the parties but still admitted that it was a close call as to whether the punch was appropriate. Therefore, the court needed to determine whether a restraining order was necessary to prevent further abuse.

There was no history of violence, nor any proof of prior threats, harassment or abuse by the defendant. The defendant’s testimony was candid and credible. Defendant had never come over to the plaintiff’s home uninvited, nor was there any credible evidence that the defendant’s behavior is impulsive. The court did not find that it was more likely than not that the victim would be protected from further abuse by instituting a restraining order, and thus vacated the TRO and dismissed the domestic violence complaint.

Obtaining restraining orders in New Jersey requires strong evidence and hard facts. If you have questions about getting a NJ restraining order, the Law Office of Peter Van Aulen can help and provide guidance for doing so. Call 201 – 845 – 7400 for a free initial consultation today.

Family law in New Jersey certainly revolves around the individual facts of each case. But what some individuals take for granted is how crucial a firm understanding of basic procedural rules of court can be to someone’s custody dispute. Of course, judges are not exempt from this requirement. But one recent case required an examination of whether a judge had properly followed child custody laws in NJ to ensure the correct decision had been reached.

In JG v. JH, the two parents in question were not married when their son, John, was born in 2012. At first, things were going well. In 2014, the court ordered the parents to share joint legal custody of their son, with the mother (Jane) having primary residential custody, and the dad (Joseph) having significant parenting time. The next year, the parents attempted to reconcile and so the consent order was vacated. It was not meant to be, and eventually, the parents grew apart, Jane entered a new relationship and became pregnant with another man, now her fiancé. Joseph claims he is a known drug user and is a convicted felon who has multiple prison sentences. As a result, Joseph filed an order to show cause under the original order (since vacated) asking for sole custody of John.

The court denied the order to show cause, stating that there was a failure by Joseph to show ‘actual imminent threat of harm’ to the child,’ and the court could not grant such emergency relief based on speculation. It did, however, grant temporary sole physical custody of the child to Joseph, pending a resolution on the application, because the court felt that there was the potential for violence in the mother’s home, which could negatively impact the child. Jane’s parenting time was also to be supervised by her mother. In turn, Jane responded with her own order to show cause, claiming that the child would suffer by his sudden separation from her. This was denied, with the judge again claiming there was no evidence for imminent harm supplied. 

At the hearing, there was significant conflict and contradiction by each party concerning the basic facts in the case. Jane’s attorney asked for the case to be put on the complex track, which was denied by the judge. The attorney wanted the opportunity for discovery and depositions to sort out truth from fiction, which would be afforded under the complex track. The judge denied it, stating that it was an ‘FD matter, not a divorce.’ Eventually, at the hearing, the court ordered joint legal and physical custody, but awarded Joseph primary residential custody, with Jane having visitation after school most weekdays, and parenting time every other weekend. Jane’s fiancé was also forbidden to be alone with John.

On appeal, the court addressed several failures by the trial court to follow procedural rules and child custody laws in NJ. First, the court noted that a thorough plenary hearing is required in a custody battle when parents make significant contradictory statements of fact. This is called a plenary hearing. The proceeding in question was not considered a plenary hearing by the appellate court. Rather, they characterized it as a ‘back and forth’ of questioning between the parents, with Jane’s attorney being prevented from participating meaningfully at all. The court refused to allow discovery, expert witnesses, or cross-examination.  Despite this, the court made a significant change in custody, without any evidential basis and without providing a statement of reasons as to why it came to such a conclusion.

The appellate court acknowledged that court calendars and dockets concerning ‘FD’ applications were often crowded and rushed. However, simply because a case is FD, rather than a dissolution of marriage, does not mean that judges should attempt to decide without marshalling all potential judicial resources. Particularly in this case, when there had been no previous custody determination by a court.

The court, upon reaching its conclusion, also failed to make fact-findings and apply such facts to the statutory factors outlined in child custody laws in NJ. If a court decides concerning a custody arrangement, but it is not agreed to by both parents, then the judge must identify – on the record – the specific reasons to support his or her judgment. Because the accusations by each party were significant, it is concerning that the judge made no findings as to the facts in question. Both parties alleged facts that could affect the child’s welfare if he was being cared for by the other parent. However, these facts were not corroborated or substantiated beyond their own, biased testimony. In fact, many of Joseph’s allegations were based on things he had heard from others, and not his own personal knowledge.

In addition, before a plenary hearing is held, the parties should be sent to mediation. Failing that, they must fill out a parenting plan. Additionally, when the parties make conflicting statements concerning the child’s welfare and well-being, a report by an objective third-party should be ordered by the court. None of these steps were followed by the trial court, leading to at the very least, an unjustified (or at the very worst, an unfair) result. The appellate court reversed and remanded to another trial judge, in the event the original judge formed an unfair opinion on the proceedings before.

A thorough understanding of basic procedural rules and requirements can be a significant factor in having a successful family law case. If you want to speak to a lawyer who can competently advise you on child custody laws in NJ, contact the Law Office of Peter Van Aulen today for a consultation, at (201) 845 – 7400.

If you and your partner are going through a divorce, it’s incredibly important that you take the time to talk with your child about what’s happening and to help them deal with their emotions. Depending on your child’s age, they may feel a variety of emotions. They might feel sad, relieved, frustrated, or scared. Your child might even feel anger. This is one of the most common emotions a child can experience when their parents are getting divorced. Fortunately, there are several things you can do dealing with divorce and children.

1. Tell your child about the divorce right away

While you might be tempted to wait until things are almost finalized before you speak with your child, it’s important that you talk with them often and early. Your child will be able to sense that things are changing around the home and that family dynamics are shifting. Talking with your child will let them know you trust them and care about them. Don’t spring the divorce on them at the last second. Instead, once you and your partner have agreed to separate, sit down with your child and have an open and honest discussion.

2. Answer your child’s questions

While you don’t need to answer all of your child’s specific questions, it is important that you address as many questions as you reasonably can. For example, your child doesn’t need to know about infidelity that led to the divorce. What you can say is that you and your partner have chosen to separate, but that both of you still love them. Focus on your child’s relationships with both of you and place an emphasis on the fact that you will still be a family. Do not say negative things about your spouse because it will increase their anger and damage them.

3. Read books together

There are many age-appropriate books that deal with the issues divorced children experience. Consider reading some with your child to help them identify and talk about their feelings. This also serves to let your child know they aren’t completely alone. There may be times when they feel scared and your child may lash out in anger. Developing the knowledge that there are other children going through the same thing can be helpful.

4. Focus on shared family time

If you and your partner are on speaking terms, try to spend time together with your child. If this isn’t a possibility, you should focus on spending individual time with your child. Focus on giving your child plenty of attention and on making new memories you can reflect back on together.

5. Pursue counseling if you need to

Make sure you consider counseling for your child if they continue to experience high levels of anger. While taking time to get used to the divorce is normal, therapy can offer reasonable ways for your child to cope with their emotions. It’s important to help your child learn to navigate their feelings and to deal with their anger in appropriate ways. Therapy can help give you the skills you need to help your child.

Whether your child is two or fifteen, it’s important that you take the time to help them learn to identify and cope with their emotions. While your child will have periods of feeling angry or sad, you can make a difference in how your child holds onto these emotions. Remember that divorce is a process that affects everyone and learning to live with your new family dynamics can take time. Be patient with your child, your former spouse, and most of all, yourself. You’re all in this together. If you have any questions about divorce and children, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free initial consultation.

For long-term relationships, the question of alimony in NJ is often hotly contested in a dissolution of marriage case. In a recent New Jersey Case, Bermeo v Bermeo, the court decided whether or not to increase alimony payments after a property settlement agreement.

The parties got married in 1986. Their two children were both adults at the time of the divorce. The parties settled, and the final judgment of divorce incorporated the agreement. The alimony provisions required the defendant to pay plaintiff $4,000.00 each month based on his imputed income of $160,000.00, as well as various percentages of his supplemental compensation, such as bonuses, stock options, and commissions. Notably, the agreement also stated that the parties enter the agreement with the understanding that they will not be able to enjoy a similar lifestyle after the divorce, and waived a determination of the joint marital lifestyle.

The defendant had enjoyed high compensation during the marriage; however, he had received some pay cuts, which he discussed. Additionally, shortly after entry of the divorce, sought new employment for significantly less pay based on anticipated layoffs at his former place of work.

Plaintiff filed for a modification, arguing that she should get $6,000.00 per month due to the defendant’s ‘voluntary underemployment.’ She also argued that the trial court was required to establish the marital lifestyle upon the filing of modification. She claimed that a denial of the modification for an increase was an error because defendant was malfeasant when ‘wantonly  abandoning stable lucrative employment during the divorce proceeding.’ The defendant countered that the plaintiff agreed to this imputed income even though he disclosed his reduced income and that he is actually paying more than his actual income.

Before a court can modify a divorce agreement, there must be a showing of circumstances which have changed and mean the continued enforcement of the decree would be unfair, unjust and inequitable. A hearing will only be given if the person requesting such can show a genuine issue of material fact which would entitle the party to relief, and they must provide appropriate supporting documents and affidavits.

When it comes to overturning a trial court’s decision in a suit to modify alimony in NJ, in addition to the above factors, the court must also find that the trial court clearly  abused its discretion, that the findings were mistaken, or that the determination could not have been reached on credible evidence within the record after looking at everything as a whole.

As to point one, the plaintiff provided no evidence that the defendant was voluntarily underemployed, or that he concealed his true income from her. The appellate court determined that she voluntarily entered into a well-negotiated PSA, and she did not show that she was intoxicated or under duress when she entered into it. The defendant was open and honest about his change in circumstances. The plaintiff could have challenged these assertions at trial, but instead, she agreed to the PSA. There is no legal or equitable basis to modify the judgment as to her first point.

Further, the trial court was under no obligation to address the issue of the marital lifestyle – she had unequivocally agreed to waive the determination of their joint marital lifestyle at the time she signed the PSA. Nothing had been reserved in the PSA for a later determination either. The appellate court emphasized that the plaintiff had been represented by counsel when negotiating the PSA and that she testified that she understood the terms of the agreement. Her argument that her ex-spouse should be earning more because he did so during the marriage carried no weight with the court because she was unable to show the grounds for a modification: substantially changed circumstances.

Finally, the judge declined to change the husband’s imputed income to $220,000.00 because it is a discretionary matter. It requires the trial judge to realistically appraise earning capacity and availability of employment. The defendant showed the court a pay stub which showed his annual income, and the W-2 statement corroborated this amount. The defendant has been complying with the alimony requirements in the PSA, even though he is earning less than the income imputed to him and the court agreed that it would be ‘unthinkable’ to reduce the alimony he is paying because he has failed to earn $160,000.00 since the divorce.

The appellate court relied on both the evidence presented as well as equitable considerations when determining this case. To modify alimony in NJ after a divorce judgment, there needs to be at minimum a substantial change in circumstances. While both parties probably were hoping that the husband would be earning more money in the years following the divorce, the court is without power to make this happen.

This case demonstrates that when parties come to an agreement in divorce, it is loath to modify it just because one party has buyer’s remorse, or has hopes that things might change in the future. The fact that the parties both had experienced legal counsel, and that they knowingly waived their rights at trial further cemented the court’s opinion that parties could not go back or behind the final judgment on a whim.

If you have questions about modifying an award of alimony in NJ, it is crucial to get sound legal advice from a competent family law attorney. Call the law offices of Peter Van Aulen today for a consultation: (201) 845 – 7400.

In a divorce, awards of stock are frequently the largest assets in the marital estate. It is no surprise then that how these accounts are divided can be controversial and highly contested. This kind of division of assets in divorce can often be complex, particularly if the stock awards have not yet vested and their value is as yet unknown. In one recent case of first impression, MG v SM, there was an issue of whether or not certain restricted stock, which would vest after the complaint of the divorce, would be subject to division in a divorce if the vesting is contingent upon the party in question’s employment efforts after the complaint.

The parties married in 1998, the plaintiff became a principal consultant for a major multi-national corporation. From August 2003 through August 2010, the employer gave plaintiff an annual stock award, which would vest in yearly clusters. By way of example, the plaintiff noted that in 2003, he received 490 shares. Starting in 2011, 174 shares each year would begin to vest. The same schedule applied to all subsequent stock awards. According to plaintiff’s testimony, this was so the company could ensure continuous high-performance of the employees. So, if in the year the stock award was going to vest and the employee had performed poorly, the company had the option to terminate their employment, along with their rights in the stock.

When the plaintiff filed his complaint for divorce in July of 2014, just three of his eight stock awards had fully vested. When considering the division of assets in divorce, the plaintiff’s position was that the stocks which had already vested should be eligible for equitable distribution to his spouse, but not the ones which had not yet vested. The court disagreed. The judge ruled that the defendant could share the stocks which had vested as of the date of filing as well as the awards which would vest after the complaint.

The rationale was that the awards were given based on past job performance, which occurred during the marriage. Citing Pascale v. Pascale, the judge noted that a presumption exists that stock awards result from joint, marital efforts. Thus, the awards would be subject to equitable distribution. The plaintiff requested a modification of the judgment regarding the distribution of the restricted stock, arguing that the vesting of the awards would be based on his performance after he filed his complaint, and so were not subject to equitable distribution. When the judge denied his motion, he appealed.

Plaintiff argued that the trial judge was incorrect because he ignored the evidence which demonstrated that stock awards vesting were contingent upon his post-complaint efforts. He claimed that Pascale should not apply because it did not deal with the vesting of awards, but rather the award of the stock itself. The appellate court agreed that the considerations of the instant case differed from those in Pascale, and also found that it was clear that post-complaint efforts at the plaintiff’s job were required to secure the vesting of stock awards. The fact that he was a high-level corporate employee in a large, competitive company would indicate that his performance involved much more than merely showing up to work, as the defendant claimed. Therefore, the court determined that the judge did not adequately handle the unvested stock awards.

The next question for the court was how the distribution of division of assets in divorce in question should be achieved. The court considered a ‘coverture fraction analysis’ as well as ‘marital momentum’. Coverture fraction considers the vesting schedule and characterizes the stock as marital or non-marital based on that. The numerator is the time period from the date the award was granted up to the cut off date. The denominator is the period from the date the award was granted to the vesting date. The concept of marital momentum recognizes that as one’s career, experience and education progresses, so do the professional benefits, growing in size and value years after the initial earnings.

Ultimately, the court held that neither method was proper in determining whether the unvested stock was attributable to the marriage because each method assumes that there is a marital component within the asset. Instead, the court looked outside New Jersey, to a case out of Massachusetts (Baccanti v Morton, 752 N.E.2d 718). There, the Supreme Judicial Court of Massachusetts found that most courts in the country consider stock options as marital property only to the extent they are derived from efforts during the marriage. The court then provided an approach to determine whether, and to what extent, stock options with vesting plans should be included in the division of the marital estate.

Essentially, the question is whether the options were awarded for employee efforts before, during or after the marriage – why were the stock options given to that employee? The judge should look to the plan, literature of the employer, testimony from the employee or employer, and even expert witnesses, as applicable. The court should also consider external circumstances around the grant, like the intentions and purpose of the grant – whether it is to induce a certain employee behavior or act as an award.

The burden of proof is on the person who wishes to exclude the options from the marital estate. They must show that the options were provided for future services, which were performed after the marriage is dissolved.  The essential approach is as follows:

• If a stock award is made during the marriage and it vests before the complaint is filed, then it is subject to equitable distribution.
• If the award is made during the marriage for work performed during the marriage, but it vests after the complaint is made, it is still subject to equitable distribution (this is a rebuttable presumption).
• There must be a material dispute of fact that the stock – whether in whole or in part – is awarded for future performance.
• The party who does not want to include the stock in the marital estate carries the burden of proof to rebut the presumption and must use objective evidence to prove that the stock will vest on future services rather than as deferred compensation.

Based on this approach, the appellate court found that the plaintiff in the instant case easily rebutted the presumption, and the stocks are not subject to equitable distribution and remanded back to the trial court to use the approach in redistributing the estate. If you have any questions about divorce and equitable distribution, contact the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free initial consultation.

If children are involved, you may be in store for a lengthy adjustment period. Divorce and children are difficult to navigate. Learning to keep the peace would do wonders for both sides. Of course, that is easier said than done. Nonetheless, here are 10 tips for recently divorced couples who have children together:

1) Come up with a schedule, and stick to it

Remember, children thrive on routine and consistency. Your custody arrangement should take into account your children’s ages, the activities they’re involved in, and your work and personal schedule. Of course, there are times when life gets in the way, and you need to change things up a bit, which leads to the second tip.

2) When comes to divorce and children learn to say “yes!”

Does your ex-spouse need to tweak the schedule occasionally? Do they want to take the kids to see their parents during what is supposed to be your Christmas? If the other household’s requests are not unreasonable, then accommodating them could go a long way toward building up goodwill between the two families. In a perfect world, your ex will be just as accommodating and reasonable when you need some help. Whether that happens when the time comes is not the point, which is to create a happier, healthier environment for your children.

3) Worry about your household, not the other

You think your 14-year-old is too young for Instagram, but then you find out your ex just OK’d it. During these ultra-aggravating moments, you have to realize that you can only control what happens under your roof. If you want your little one in bed earlier and your older one to cut back on the video games, you could declare “your house, your rules.” However, unless your children are somehow in danger at the other home, complaining to your former spouse about their rules won’t accomplish anything.

4) Don’t be late

You bought movie tickets and had a big night planned out. Then your ex shows up an hour late with the little ones. Being habitually late is irritating enough; it can be infuriating when you’re dealing with an ex-spouse. Treat pick-up and delivery of the kids like a work meeting; i.e., prepare for things like traffic jams, bad weather, anything that could delay your arrival.

5) With Divorce and Children what happens in your house does NOT stay in your house

There’s a pretty good chance that your children won’t tell your ex about the fantastic meal you made, or the trip to the library, or all the homework help you provided. But you can bet your next paycheck that your little one will mention to your spouse the time you uttered a four-letter word while in traffic, or that you let them watch an R-rated movie. Here’s a good rule to follow: don’t do or say anything around the children that could come back to haunt you.

6) Give your kids a voice

Remember, this is a difficult time for your children, no matter how old they are. Let them express their feelings. Doing so is not only cathartic, but it also makes them feel like they have a voice. Likewise, allow your child to have age-appropriate input over simple matters. Does your 5-year-old want to bring her favorite stuffed animal to mom’s house? Does your 17-year-old want to change up the schedule for football practice? Accommodating your children on relatively simple matters gives them a sense of control during difficult times.

7) Keep the complaints about the ex to a minimum

This tip goes hand-in-hand with No. 5: if you badmouth your ex around your children, then you can almost guarantee that it will get back to the other house. However, you should also try to limit the negativity from the children about the other household (unless they are complaining about something illegal or dangerous going on). Kids want to please the other parent, so sometimes they’ll say things they think the other parent wants to hear. Translation: You’re probably not getting the full story. Besides, encouraging negativity will only make things more difficult when dealing with your ex.

8) Offer to help the other household

You know your ex is going to have her hand’s full the next day with the kids. Is there anything you can do to help? Whether you propose to take the kids to and from somewhere or offer up leftovers from the night before so that your ex won’t have to pick up fast food, your former spouse will appreciate these gestures (even if he or she declines). Remember, it’s hard to get mad at someone who’s trying to help. Furthermore, you’re setting an excellent example for your children.

9) Be there for your kids; even on your “off” days

See if this sounds familiar: You had private lessons on Thursday, soccer practice on Friday, games on Saturday, and church and religious education on Sunday, followed by after-school tutoring on Mondays. As soon as you drop them off at school on Tuesday, you’re kid-free, and your job is over, right? Not so fast. If you can make it to your child’s band concert or basketball game, or go to the parent-teacher conference on your days off, your former spouse will see how serious you are about raising the children. Plus, your kids will be thrilled to see you there, even if they don’t show it.

10) You’ve heard this one before

You’ve probably heard this saying many times and find it annoying, but like it or not, the adage is spot-on: It’s not about you. Frankly, your kids don’t care about your relationship issues, nor should they. Does your ex-mother-in-law want to take the kids to the zoo? Does your kid want to go fishing one weekend with your spouse’s new husband? When it comes to raising your kids through a divorce, it’s important to remember that what is best for your kid doesn’t always align with what you want to do.

In the end, it’s all about keeping your kids happy and healthy during the divorce. It’s a traumatic event at any age, so anything you can do to ease the transition will go a long way toward keeping the peace between the two households. If you have any questions about divorce and children, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen for a free initial consultation.

Establishing Parental Rights

The mother is always presumed to be the mother of the child, whether married or not. But for fathers, the New Jersey custody laws for unmarried parents include a requirement to establish paternity before any orders can be issued concerning custody, visitation or support. There is a multitude of ways unmarried parents can establish paternity. If the parties never marry, then the father will need to sign a voluntary acknowledgment of paternity. A certificate of parentage can establish paternity and can be executed at the hospital during the child’s birth. The parents will need to meet with a birth certificate coordinator who will explain the provisions and significance of the form. Then, they will need to present valid identification and fill out the certificate. Their signatures must then be witnessed by the coordinator. Of course, if the parents do not fill out the form at the hospital, it can be completed later at either a local registrar’s office or county welfare agency.

He can also file a lawsuit to establish paternity, where a court will determine that he is the father. The couple can marry shortly after the child is born and sign a legitimization form, or the father can agree to his name put on the birth certificate and agrees to support the child. The father can also welcome the child into his home and openly hold out the child as his own. However, it is also best to get a court order or acknowledgment of paternity on file to get rid of any question as to the paternity of the child. 

If there is some doubt about who the actual father of the child is, then DNA testing on the father and child may be required to ensure there is no doubt. This should also occur in situations where the mother is married to another man. That is because the law presumes that the person to whom the mother is married is the biological father of the child. Mothers can also bring a paternity lawsuit against the individual she believes to be the father. Once paternity has been established, then a father has equal rights as to the care, custody, and support of their child as the mother does. The child will also have the opportunity to secure rights for support.

Process of the Lawsuit

 To establish custody and parental rights for both parents, New Jersey custody laws for unmarried parents require an individual to file a complaint with the court. These complaints will usually address issues of either paternity, custody, parenting time, or child support, or some combination thereof.

Once the complaint has been filed, then there might be a consent conference, where the parents sit down with a court representative and try to reach an agreement. If the issues cannot be fully resolved, then the parties will appear before the judge who will make a ruling. The parents will also be allowed to request discovery, expert witnesses, or anything else that is common to family law litigation.

The process to determine custody rights, parenting time and support will then proceed in the exact same way as a dissolution of marriage lawsuit. Courts will adhere to the standard which focuses on the ‘best interest of the child.’ This includes looking at the child’s age, gender, educational or health needs, schedule and activities, the relationship between the parents, and other factors. The New Jersey Child Support Guidelines are utilized in determining child support as between unmarried parents. Courts will then determine the rights of each parent as to physical custody (or who the child will live with primarily), and legal custody, which deals with which parent has the right to make the significant decisions concerning the child. The status of the parents as unmarried will have no bearing on the issues pertaining directly to the child of the relationship.

Last Names and Unmarried Parents

Choosing which last name your child has can be a difficult process, especially since the mother will most likely have a different last name from the father. Parents want to have their child be identified as a member of their family unit. Traveling with a child who has a different last name can also be challenging, particularly on international flights. Border agencies have issued warnings asking parents to bring along birth certificates with their children if they do not share the last name, in an effort to prevent child sex trafficking across borders.

In the event an unmarried couple has a child and then separates, it is possible that one of the parents might wish to change the child’s surname. In most cases, the court will require the other parent to agree to the name change. If they do not agree, then the court can only order a name change if it is in the best interest of the child. The court can consider a variety of factors, including the reasons for changing (or not changing) the child’s name, the quality of the relationship of the child with each parent, how long the child has used their last name, the identification of that child as part of the family unit, and even what the child wants, depending on their age and maturity.

If you have any questions about New Jersey custody laws for unmarried parents, get in touch with the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen for a free initial consultation today. Our team is standing by at 201 – 845 – 7400.

This question is basically asking, what does the child support I receive (or pay) cover, and what should be the other party’s responsibility to cover? It is important to understand what does child support cover in NJ to appropriately budget and ensure the child is taken care of. The guidelines apply to parents who earn a combined net income of up to $187,200.00. Any couples who exceed this amount will still have the guidelines applied, but an additional amount can be added, depending on multiple factors set forth under the child support statute.

Of course, child support covers the basics: food, clothing, and shelter are of course non-negotiable expenses when raising children. Food should be healthy and keep the children at an appropriate weight, but it does not necessarily allow regular meals at a fancy steak restaurant (unless the lifestyle of the child prior to the divorce incorporated these kinds of meals with some frequency). That is because if the parents can afford it, the court will consider the lifestyle to which the child had been accustomed to prior to the dissolution of the marriage when rendering child support orders. Clothing is another expense included in the calculation – which is a huge category. Clothing includes shoes, diapers, winter clothing, and accessories. It also includes maintenance of the clothing, such as cleaning sports uniforms or dance costumes. However, sports footwear is not included in the calculation. Shelter includes everything from the mortgage, rental payments, and utilities to keep a comfortable roof over the head of the children. If you are starting to think that some of these expenses are arbitrary, you would be correct.  That’s why the question, ‘what does child support cover in NJ’ is so commonly asked by parents involved in a family law matter. 

Transportation is part of the inquiry of what does child support cover in NJ. This means any costs associated with owning or leasing a car, maintenance, and repairs, and even things like public transportation are part of this calculation. However, this does not include a car used primarily by the child. Healthcare for the child up to a point is included. Any unreimbursed health care expenses up to $250 each year per child are part of the calculation.  This includes things like co-pays, non-prescription drugs or other medical products. And of course, entertainment for the kids like extracurricular activities, video games and hobbies are all part and parcel of the equation.

This last category – extracurricular activities – can be a major bone of contention for parents, especially as schools and communities continue to get hit with government cutbacks. So, the activities that child support is intended to cover has often become too expensive for the basic guidelines. In many cases, the court will categorize these as ‘extraordinary expenses,’ and add them to the basic child support obligation. Generally speaking, things like private schools, special needs of gifted or disabled kids and additional transportation expenses will be classed as an extraordinary expense. One of the key things courts look at when deciding whether or not to add an extraordinary expense is if the expense is predictable and reoccurring. This is especially true if the parents earn in excess of $187,200.00.

One way to avoid the guesswork of how the guidelines will be applied as they concern extracurricular activities is to have clear language in your divorce settlement agreement or final order from the court. Setting a cap on the number of activities, the total cost each party must contribute, or a method by which the parties can agree to enroll each child in extracurricular activities are all ways in which the couple can bring some clarity to their respective financial contributions.

Regardless, parents can sometimes become frustrated with each other. One party might feel that they are double paying when the custodial parent approaches them for more support to pay an expense they believe is covered by the guidelines. The custodial parent might feel that the support they do receive is nowhere close to being able to pay for the needs or reality of living with their children. But the basic rule is that, as long as the child’s basic needs are being met, then the custodial parent can spend their money however they like.

If you’re still wondering what does child support cover in NJ, get in touch with the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen for a free initial consultation today. Call him at (201) 845 – 7400.

The goal is to reintroduce the parent and child so that they can continue to build a relationship, and also to prevent any further cleaving of the bond. If the court orders reunification therapy in a family law case, then a therapist will be appointed to help counsel each party. Ultimately, successful reunification therapy means that the court can order visitation.

Children who have been separated from their parents are more likely to face emotional distress or difficulty in adjusting. They often exhibit self-hatred, low self-esteem, aggression, and lack remorse or guilt. Therefore, reunification therapy aims to ensure the child has the best possible chance to work through the issues they might feel with an absentee parent.

After a court orders reunification therapy, it is important for individual counseling to take place first. The therapist should meet with the child and each parent separately on a few occasions before beginning to have sessions with more than one party. The therapy will not be private or confidential, because the court will have a vested interest in reaching the goal to reunite parent and child. The therapist will be required to report any findings or issues that may be problematic in reaching the goal. Usually, reunification therapy sessions last between eight and twelve weeks with weekly sessions. It often occurs in conjunction with visitation and might continue after this time period, based on the recommendations of the therapists and finding of the court.

There are generally three stages of reunification therapy over this period: assessment, commitment and preparation, and integration. The assessment stage is generally where the individual sessions occur. The therapist gets the background information and primary concerns of the child and the parent who has been separated. In part two, commitment and preparation, the therapist is able to convey the process and goals for the parties. They will also lay out guidelines for each person so they know what to expect. Both parents should be involved in this process to help improve their communications with each other.

Finally, during integration, the therapist will hold group sessions between the parent and child. This will be a great opportunity for each of them to express their grievances or frustrations with the relationship, and the therapist will help serve as a mediator. They will also provide tools so they can learn to express themselves and reduce conflict in the future. This will also be when the therapist decides if more work needs to be done outside reunification therapy. For example, if the parent struggles with drugs or alcohol, external counseling might be needed in order for them to work through those other issues.

Reunification therapy will not stand a chance for success if both parents do not work together and if they do not trust their professional therapist. Therefore, they must try to find a therapist that they and their child trusts, and who understands the court system. So, if there is a parenting coordinator as well, the therapist needs to understand their role, the goals of the family courts, and work well with each. Parents must make decisions together and with the reunification therapist, and most importantly, follow through on those decisions. Unilateral decision-making is what caused the alienation between parent and child – it is crucial to not fall back into old habits (or take this opportunity as revenge). Reunification therapy is designed to build and encourage trust between both the separated parent and child, as well as between the two parents.

Once the reunification therapy has finalized, the therapist will most likely be required to submit a written report to the judge and each party’s lawyer. This will be essential to any rulings of the judge. It’s possible the therapist will also be called as an expert witness to explain the findings in their report and offer opinions or recommendations to the court. For parents about to go into reunification therapy, it is important to remember that while the therapist is there to help you, they are also witnessing your behavior and conduct, which could be reported back to the judge in your family law case.

Of course, reunification therapy might not be the best fit for each family. They can be expensive, as they are not covered by insurance. Other therapists might be needed. They can take a very long time, with sessions too far apart to be very effective. It can take time even after the reunification therapy concludes for the expert to provide their report. As an alternative, some courts have used what’s called intensive reunification programs. These programs are shorter and much more intense and have often been used in cases where the state has become involved due to delinquency, abuse or neglect. Often, these services are 5-20 hours per week and done within two or three months. Staff will be available 24/7 and on weekends. Of course, this can be incredibly overwhelming to all parties, especially if their separation has been extended. But, it has shown to be effective, as sort of a blitzkrieg style of reunification.

If you have questions or concerns about reunification therapy or alternatives in family law cases, get in touch with the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen today for a free initial consultation at 201-845-7400.

Sit down as a family

One of the most important things you can do for your child is to sit down as a family to tell your teen about the divorce. While you might not be on speaking terms with your spouse, it’s essential that you present a united front for your child. Sitting down together ensures you both know what you’re telling your child about the cause of the divorce. That also enables you to address any concerns or questions your child has at this time. Many children, even teenagers, feel unloved and afraid when they discover their parents are separating. Talk with your partner ahead of time and decide how you’re going to tell your child about the divorce. Then the three of you should sit down and have a long, honest, and open discussion about how your lives are going to change.

Remind your child you love them

Your child isn’t the cause of your divorce, but they might feel guilty when you tell them that you and your partner are separating. Many teens blame themselves for their parents’ divorce. Make sure your child knows that they both you and your partner love them entirely and that they did not cause the breakup. You must tell your teen verbally and not just assume they know how you feel.

Answer your child’s questions

Your teen will probably have a lot of questions about what the divorce will be like. They might want to know why you’re getting a divorce, whether or not you’ll be moving, where they’ll live, and whether or not they’ll get to see the other parent. While dealing with these questions can be tough, try to answer as many as you possibly can. Talking with your child about the divorce encourages open communication and will help build your relationship. If you don’t speak with your child about what’s going to happen, they’ll feel excluded from a significant family experience.

While facing divorce is never easy, it’s essential to talk to your teen about it. Make sure you and your partner continue to communicate both with your teenager and with each other throughout the entire divorce process. That will reinforce your love for your child and will help them to cope with the impending changes in your family.

I hope this article answered your questions on how to explain divorce to a teenager. If you have any questions about a divorce in NJ, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 887-0461 for a consultation.

Avoid Being Caught in the Middle

As an adult, your relationship with your parents is likely different from your childhood relationship with them. You may have become more of a friend or confidant rather than just their child. Because of this, it can be easy to get caught in the middle. One or both parents may try to complain to you about the other one. You may feel like you have to take sides. They may even try to use you as someone who relays messages to the other parent. With the exception of abuse or other related issues, you will likely want to try to maintain a healthy relationship with both parents. This means letting both of them know that you are not going to listen to them badmouthing the other one as well as telling them that you are not taking sides.

Set Boundaries

Boundaries may include the sort of things they can discuss with you. For example, you may want to hear about how your mother is having a great time dating a new guy, but you want her to keep the intimate details to herself. Boundaries may also include the amount of help you will provide. Maybe you are willing to teach Dad how to iron his work shirts, but you expect him to start doing it on his own after a few days.

Focus on Your Own Life

One of the most important reasons you need to set boundaries is that you need to continue to live your own life. While one or both of your parents may need your support, you should not allow them to make you feel like you should drop your whole life to comfort them or to provide support. Continue to go to work, school, or your other regular activities. Take care of your own family. If you have children, you may need to comfort them, especially if they are close to both grandparents.

Never Make Assumptions About Your Own Relationships

Whether you are married, dating someone, or not in a relationship at all, experiencing your parents getting divorced after twenty years, thirty years, or even longer, can cause you to question romantic relationships in general. Just because your parents got divorced does not mean that it will happen to you. While you may not want to jump right into a serious relationship, you should not avoid finding love either. Take your time, if needed, but when the time is right, don’t avoid marriage simply because you are afraid it will end in divorce.

Seek Help If Needed

Whether you saw the divorce coming for several years or it seemed to come out of nowhere, you may need to see a counselor or other professional to deal with the feelings created by your parents’ separation. Even if you do not feel like you need to see a professional, it may help to talk to a friend, especially if you have a friend who has dealt with a similar situation. Don’t be afraid to express your anger or disbelief. Sometimes, all you need is to get those feelings out in the open.

Of course, these are just a few of the things you can do to help yourself deal with your parents’ divorce better as an adult. Every situation is different, and you may find that some of these steps are unnecessary or unrealistic. For example, if one parent needs added physical support, you may need to move back in with that parent, which may cause you to at least appear to be taking sides.

If you have questions about a New Jersey divorce or family law issue, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a consultation.

The marriage counseling statistics indicate that couples attend therapy for any number of reasons. Arguments, abuse – both physical and emotional, loss of love or other feelings, parenting troubles, resentment, and problems with affectionate or sexual intimacy are all common reasons for attending couple’s therapy.

In the United States, couple’s therapy data reports an overwhelming satisfaction rate for this form of counseling. The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists reports that 98 percent of couples surveyed felt they had received excellent therapy. Over 90 percent claimed they received the care that they needed and felt ready to tackle their marital or couple’s problems.

This gives the impression that marriage counseling is very successful at fixing relationships. This may not entirely be the case, however; couples nonetheless do feel the experience was valuable to them. For instance, a relationship could conceivably be unhealthy or unhappy for both partners, and if therapy convinces both of them that this is the case and the relationship ends, this could still be a positive outcome. Statistically, though, this might look like a failure.

Thus, marriage counseling effectiveness is a difficult thing to quantify. Still, research has been done, as briefly detailed above. Other findings from couples therapy data include:

• Seeking help early leads to longer-lasting, healthier relationships
• 65% of those who receive treatment report improvement in the relationship
• 38% of couples who receive marriage counseling get divorced within 4 years; however, nearly 70% of couples having similar problems who do not seek counseling are divorced within 4 years
• Therapies with an emotional focus tend to be more successful – similarly, solutions that seek to improve emotional bonds and individual emotions tend to yield the best results
• While long-term counseling is necessary in some cases, marriage counseling effectiveness tends to be achieved in less time than in individual therapy

Unfortunately, many couples wait too long to seek help. Citing concerns ranging from cost to uncertainty of outcome, people are often just too hesitant to follow through with such an endeavor. The marriage counseling statistics show, though, that working with a licensed family and marriage therapist is almost always cheaper than seeing an individual therapist. Family counseling is also a different field than psychiatry or mental health counseling; as such, its practitioners often are not required to undergo such extensive and expensive education. This leads to lower prices for patients.

While counseling cannot be considered a silver bullet for saving a marriage or relationship, the satisfaction statistics can’t be ignored. Even the end of a relationship can be improved through therapy; without it, divorce can be an ugly, damaging, and stressful experience. If there is distance growing between partners, or arguments are getting increasingly intense, consider discussing the possibility of therapy.

Couple’s therapy also shouldn’t be seen as “giving up,” or in any other way as an admission of weakness. Managing a family, a home, raising children, and ensuring financial stability were never expected of a couple on their own in the past. The increasingly isolated nature of the family unit from the community at large can lead to overwhelmed spouses at their wits’ end. With the help of a trained professional, however, harmony can be brought back into the relationship in a meaningful way.

Couples therapy data shows that by focusing on intimacy, emotion, and communication, marriage counseling effectiveness is improved dramatically, and so, in turn, is the relationship between patients. Possibly most important to this process is choosing the right therapist. It may be easy to assume that the most expensive psychiatrist will best solve your problems; consumer reports, however, show otherwise. Rather, practitioners ranging from clinical psychologists to social workers seem to be roughly equal in providing treatment to couples.

Whatever your reason for considering treatment, know that you should expect hard work and an emotional experience should you go ahead with it. Marriage counseling statistics aside, you cannot go in with expectations of a perfect marriage coming out. You and your partner will be required to honestly assess your relationship and make mature decisions regarding it.

If you have any questions about New Jersey family law, call  The Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845- 7400 today, for a consultation.

MC had been dating GT for a little while at the time she filed a complaint against him under New Jersey’s Prevention of Domestic Violence Act. At trial, the judge ultimately concluded there was not sufficient evidence to support a finding of domestic violence, and noted reservations about each party’s credibility with the court. The judge specifically held that MC failed to prove that GT acted “with a purpose to alarm or annoy.” Despite these findings, the judge decided to enter a restraining order against GT, citing her equitable powers. GT appealed, arguing that the judge exceeded her authority in issuing the restraining order.

On appeal, the court focused solely on the judge’s assertion that her equitable authority allowed her to issue a restraining order, even though she found insufficient evidence of domestic violence. The appellate court entertained a discussion as to what the NJ restraining order requirements are. The judge at the trial level relied on another appellate case, PJG v PSS. In this case, there were two cross-complaints, with each party accusing the other of domestic violence. The man proved his claim against the woman and so the judge ordered restraints. However, the judge found no evidence of domestic violence against the woman. Similarly, he entered a restraining order against the man anyway. On appeal, the panel agreed that the Act will not “authorize entry of a final restraining order absent preponderating evidence that the defendant committed an act of domestic violence. However, the court also determined that without such an element, that a judge could still enter restraints under the judge’s ‘ample inherent power.’

Another case preceding PJB was NB v TB, also exploring the NJ restraining order requirements. There was a pending matrimonial action between the two parties on top of the claim for a restraining order due to domestic violence. On appeal, the court held that a family judge is permitted to use evidence derived from a failed domestic violence action to issue a restraining order in a pending family matter.

The appellate court distinguished both PJG and NB from the instant case, noting that there was another pending cross-action between the parties involving domestic violence, and only upon hearing evidence in these claims, albeit failed ones, the judge entered a restraining order. Clearly, in the case at bar, the holdings do not support this scenario. The judge entered a restraining order against GT although MC failed to prove an act of violence was committed by him. There were no other pending actions, and therefore the equitable powers of the court as approved of in PGS are inapplicable. The court vacated the restraining order and remanded for dismissal. NJ restraining order requirements include a clear finding of domestic violence for cases standing alone.

Notably, the panel included in a footnote that, despite the holdings in PJG and NB, future courts should remain cautious about imposing a restraining order in another pending action based on evidence derived from a domestic violence hearing without providing adequate notice for the potential of such an outcome. Practitioners should also proceed with caution for clients requesting a restraining order, and ensure that the evidence at hand would support the issuance of the said order from the courts. If you have any questions concerning NJ restraining order requirements, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen today at (201) 845-7400 for a consultation.

First off, an experienced NJ divorce lawyer understands all aspects of divorce and separation. Because divorce can be complex, it can be challenging to find out what your rights and responsibilities are. A divorce lawyer will be able to help you with this. Your New Jersey divorce lawyer will guide you through any paperwork you need to fill out and will tell you whether you need to appear in court or not. They’ll make sure all your paperwork is filed on time and if you need to serve papers to your former spouse, your lawyer will help you arrange this.

Your NJ divorce lawyer will also help with custody arrangements. If you and your partner share a child or children, it’s even more important that you have legal representation. Because there are different types of child custody, your New Jersey divorce lawyer will help make sure you and your child have the best possible outcome when it comes to determining physical and legal custody of your child. If joint custody is an option, your lawyer can also assist you in creating a parenting plan that meets the needs of you, your former spouse, and your child. Also, an experienced New Jersey divorce lawyer understands the alimony and child support laws in the state. He or she will be able to inform you what you are entitled to or what you are obligated to pay.

Finally, a NJ divorce lawyer can assist you with separating your assets. Whether you and your partner live in a communal property state or not, you may need help determining who is entitled to what belongings. This can become complicated if you have several properties and vehicles, so make sure you discuss all of this with your lawyer. They’ll be able to guide you through the process of determining which items will go to which spouse and whether equalization payments are necessary or not.

While going through a divorce is challenging for everyone involved, remember that it’s not the end of the world. As you move through the divorce with the help of your lawyer, you’ll be able to slowly put the past behind you and move forward. Your New Jersey divorce lawyer will help you get there one step at a time.

If you have any questions concerning a divorce, contact the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a consultation.

Facts

It all started when the biological father of D.B., who had been living with the mother at the time, filed a complaint about the child’s mother. The mother and her boyfriend had gotten into an argument, where the mother had said: “she was going to harm herself one of these days.” The law enforcement officers reported that D.B. had phoned an aunt after his mother left him alone in their shared hotel room and he was scared. The aunt came to retrieve the child and let him stay at her home for a time until the father picked him up. The police reached out to the mother to conduct a welfare check after hearing this report. N.B. agreed that there had been an argument, and she went for a drive to cool down for a few hours. She left her son at the hotel because he did not want to go for a drive. She confirmed that when she said she was going to hurt herself, it was simply a figure of speech and she did not really mean it.

In subsequent interviews, D.B. reported several other comments his mother made within the same vein, such as the mother telling her boyfriend, “since we are all here, why don’t you drive off the bridge and kill us all.” He also told the DCPP that the fights between his mom and boyfriend had been physical in the past, and he was fearful on that day that his mother would ‘go off on him’ when she got back to the hotel room. The mother denied this, as well as denied any physical altercations between herself and her boyfriend, asserting that their arguments were only ever verbal. Despite of this, the DCPP removed D.B. from his mother’s custody and placed D.B. in possession of his father. 

During the investigation, the DCPP interviewed both the mother and boyfriend, who each confirmed that they wanted to ensure the family was reunited, and the mother confirmed she was not afraid of the boyfriend. The worker failed to interview the child or either party about the incident involving the hotel room, but included her portion of the investigation in a report submitted to the court.

D.B. was later evaluated by a licensed psychologist, who had also prepared a written report, which contained statements about D.B.’s exposure to violence between his parents. D.B. had told the psychologist that he felt nervous sometimes when he witnessed physical fights between his mother and her boyfriend. D.B. said he was no longer nervous or had any problems eating while he was living with his dad. The psychologist indicated that D.B. was likely suffering from post traumatic stress, and had experienced a lot of stress when living with his mother for the last two years. The psychologist ultimately recommended that D.B. have only limited phone contact with his mother.

During the trial, the intake worker had her testimony cut short due to an illness, and was never able to be cross-examined. As a result, the judge allowed her testimony to stand, albeit discounted in weight, over N.B.’s objections. The judge also allowed the supervisor to testify about the intake worker’s involvement, despite having no direct involvement with the case or discussing the situation with any of the parties. The mother also objected to the admission of the psychologist’s report, arguing that she had no opportunity to challenge it. She was overruled, and the report was admitted.

In light of all the evidence admitted, over objections, the trial judge held that although any suicidal verbalization by the mother might be insufficient to find abuse and neglect of D.B., her conduct was found to be grossly negligent when examining the aggregate of her behaviors, the domestic fights, and leaving D.B. alone in the hotel room. The judge believed the psychologist’s diagnosis credible as well.

No Corroboration on Statements

N.B. appealed, arguing that the judge’s findings were not supported by admissible evidence, and the judge could not rely on the psychologists’ conclusions. She argued primarily that the evidence was improperly admitted. For example, the trial court allowed statements made by the child to be admitted, even though it was hearsay. The trial court felt that the child’s statements had been sufficiently corroborated by the mother’s statements when she agreed that she had verbal disputes with her boyfriend and had admitted that she said she would hurt herself on the day of the hotel incident. The appellate court disagreed, finding that the mother’s statements did not sufficiently corroborate the statements concerning the child’s exposure to physical abuse – in fact, the mother denied any physical violence occurring at all.

D.B.’s behavior was also not corroborative. The psychologists report noted that D.B. had no thoughts of self- harm; had good hygiene; was cooperative; in a normal mood; and denied any problems with sleeping or eating. Although the trial court appropriately admitted the statements under the hearsay exception of a patient seeking treatment, this is not necessarily reliance that rises to the level of corroboration. New Jersey courts conclude that a mental health professional cannot determine the trustworthiness of a child’s hearsay statements, particularly in matters involving the DCPP. The appellate court also noted that even if there was some level of corroboration, mere exposure to domestic violence is not sufficient for a finding of abuse and neglect.

Psychologist’s Report

The appeals court also questioned the psychologist’s report and admissibility. Reports are admissible in DCPP matters if they are prepared for the purpose of guiding the Division in developing a course of action, and maintained in the regular course of business of the DCPP. If the expert who drafted the report is not produced as a witness, like in this case, then the expert’s opinion must be excluded unless there are specific findings as to the report’s trustworthiness, which involved determining the level of subjectivity and the complexity of the diagnosis. The New Jersey courts of appeal have held previously that opinions, like a diagnosis of PTSD and exposure of a child to violence in the home, is inadmissible hearsay. Therefore, the conclusion of the report should not have been admitted at the trial court level, particularly in light of the fact that the DCPP did not call the doctor as a witness.

In fact, it was noted that the bulk of the fact-finding portion of the hearing was paper-based. The only person who testified was the supervisor, who lacked any direct knowledge of the matter at all. The court of appeals held that, as a result, the trial court’s ruling was not based on sufficient, competent evidence to find abuse and neglect by the mother.

When cases involving child abuse and neglect appear before the court, it is no doubt tempting for courts to want to err on the side of caution and be more prepared to accept any evidence of abuse, in an effort to thwart any potential harm to the child. This case shows that there must be a balance struck between the seriousness of preventing child abuse, and the seriousness of maintaining viable familial relationship between children and their parents.  NJDCPP should not get a ‘free pass’ when it comes to proving up their case. If you have a NJ family law matter, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845 -7400 today for a consultation.

1) Keep it civil.

Parents are among the most significant people in a child’s life, and the last thing they want to see is parents who argue every time they are together or one parent who badmouths the other when she or he isn’t around. This sort of behavior is so harmful to children that some people even label it as abusive. No matter a parent’s feelings toward an ex-partner, all interactions that occur in the presence of a child should be as polite and respectful as possible.

2) Present a united front.

Children need a certain amount of structure and consistency, so all parenting decisions should be joint decisions. Rules should not differ much, if any, between households, and parents should resolve their differences of opinion in private and approach children only after they reach a consensus. Parents must work together to compromise and act consistently for the sake of their children’s well-being.

3) Don’t pester children for information.

One of the top complaints of children of divorce is that their parents pester or interrogate them for information about the other. This habit is highly stressful for children, who want both to please the inquiring parent by providing the desired information and to protect the other parent’s right to privacy. It is crucial never to pry about what goes on when a child is with the other parent. They should ask questions about the time spent away only when the motive is to create conversation and connection. Children are not spies; they should never be treated as such.

4) Take children’s desires into account and keep them informed.

Children, especially older children, have their own opinions and desires about divorce-related matters. These should be taken into account as much as possible. Divorce makes children feel like they have lost control over what happens to them, so respecting their wishes as far as possible helps them regain a sense of power. It’s also important to keep them updated on matters that concern them; keeping them in the dark causes anxiety and mistrust and robs them of the opportunity to voice their preferences. Honesty is the best policy.

Divorce rates are higher than ever, but the normalization of divorce will never make it normal for a child. Even the smoothest divorce brings enormous changes for the offspring of the divorcees, and good parents must do everything in their power to make the adjustment as comfortable as possible. Parents should always keep their children’s best interests in mind. Following these guidelines can help. Peter Van Aulen is certified by the New Jersey Supreme Court as a matrimonial attorney. If you have a divorce and a child custody matter, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen today at (201) 845-7400 for a consultation.

The parties had been married for seventeen years when they decided to file for divorce in December 2010. They had two children – a daughter, born in 1992, and a son, born in 1996. During the proceedings, the parties signed a property settlement agreement (PSA), which was incorporated into the final order of divorce. The PSA held that the couple would address payment of college expenses at the time their children would be attending, as well as requiring Plaintiff (the husband) to pay $100/week in child support. Each party also agreed to claim a tax exemption for one child each.

The parties’ daughter entered college, and the defendant paid the first three semesters, after which she filed a motion with the court requesting contribution from the plaintiff, as well as payment from him for future expenses. She alleges that Plaintiff contributed money from the children’s payroll checks into a college fund for the children, but actually used the money for his own purposes.  He motion was dismissed, and she appealed. The appellate court held that the trial court improperly denied her motion based solely on the fact that defendant requested reimbursement after she paid expenses. The court remanded, and ordered the trial court to conduct a full Newburgh analysis. The Newburgh factors are used in family cases when analyzing college contribution claims, even though the case was actually a wrongful death action. The Newburgh case asserts that parents have the duty to provide a necessary education for children – even after they have reached the age of 18.

Defendant refused to testify at the Newburgh hearing, and thus, her motion was once again dismissed. Additionally, the court terminated payments of child support by plaintiff, and allowed him to claim tax exemptions for both children after he agreed to pay all college expenses for both of his children. The defendant filed a motion for reconsideration, which was not timely filed. Then, the defendant appealed. She argued that trial court erred in considering the children’s money from the college fund as plaintiff’s contribution, and should not have terminated the child support, and that her motion for reconsideration should not have been denied. The appellate court had to determine whether the college expenses in a NJ divorce had been adequately decided previously.

The main crux of the issue in this case was the role of the children’s payroll checks and the college fund. The defendant claims that plaintiff deposited the children’s checks into the fund in his name, and therefore, the fund should be considered as belonging to the children, and not the plaintiff. However, the PSA in the original decree distributed the college fund to the plaintiff, and therefore, it was his property under the divorce. The appellate court also noted that because the defendant refused to testify at the trial to provide evidence for the Newburgh factors, she deprived the court of its ability to make the necessary determinations to adequately address the issue of contribution for college expenses in a NJ divorce, and the court was forced to dismiss her motion.

The defendant also argues on appeal that the lower court’s decision to terminate child support was based on the fact that the college fund was deemed to belong to plaintiff. The appellate court looked to the trial court’s order, noting that it explicitly referenced the plaintiff’s agreement to pay the remainder of his daughter’s college expenses. The trial court had decidedly not made its decision based on the ownership of the college fund, but rather on the agreement by plaintiff to cover the costs.

The final issue in the matter occurs when defendant appears to try to relitigate the division of property and who should pay college expenses in a NJ divorce contained within the final judgment. The appellate court agreed with plaintiff’s argument that the PSA had disposed of the college fund to him, vis a vis the language that awards each party’s separate bank accounts to that respective party.  Defendant argued that the college fund was never an asset of the marriage, and the PSA should never have distributed it. However, in her original equitable distribution summary, she provided the account, stating that each party was entitled to half the amount within, and distributed the entire account itself to the plaintiff. The plaintiff was clearly in ownership of the account, and had been for seven years.

As for the tax issues and the relationship to the children’s college fund, the trial judge had specifically instructed to submit evidence to support her position, and after reviewing all submissions, the trial judge determined that this was not a new issue, and therefore, reconsideration on the issue was inappropriate. As a result, the appellate court determined that the trial court did not commit any egregious error, and its decision was affirmed.

While this case touches upon college expenses in a NJ divorce, it is also an important reminder that there are procedural rules in place for a reason, and if a party does not follow them and files a motion late, or refuses to testify, the court will not be sympathetic. It also demonstrates the reticence of a court in disturbing prior agreements, even if the current arrangement based on the old agreement is now inconvenient for one of the parties.

If you have questions about how to determine who will pay your child’s college expenses in a NJ divorce, contact the Law Firm of Peter Van Aulen today at (201)845-7400 for a free initial consultation.

Whether your children are infants or teenagers, they’re going to experience a variety of emotions regarding the separation. Their entire life will change when you get divorced, so it’s important that you help them deal with it as effectively as possible. No matter how old your children are, there are several steps you can take to help them face these new changes.

First off, make sure you avoid talking negatively about your former spouse. While it can be easy to point fingers and place blame during a divorce, try to remember that to your children, this is their beloved parent. Even if your partner has been terrible to you, try to avoid saying anything that would stress out your children or make them feel like they’re being placed in the middle of your divorce. If you can’t say anything positive about your former partner, simply avoid saying anything at all to your children.

Next, try to talk with your children as soon as possible about the divorce. Don’t simply spring the divorce on them. While you may naturally want to protect them and avoid talking about the divorce until you know for certain it’s going to happen, understand that your children may experience shock or sadness when you tell them about the separation. If you can give them some notice before you and your partner move to different houses, for example, it may help your children come to terms with the divorce. However, do not discuss the details of the divorce litigation with your children especially if it would put your spouse in a poor light.

Understand that your children may experience a wide range of emotions. They might feel angry or sad when they think about the divorce. They might feel nervous or even scared. After all, the divorce will bring many changes for them. They might move to a new house, have a new schedule, or even go to a new school. Don’t be afraid to let your children feel these emotions. Never tell them that what they’re feeling is wrong. Instead, talk with your children and encourage them to express themselves fully.

If you and your partner notice that your children are having a hard time coping with the divorce, you may want to consider attending family counseling together. Family therapy offers a safe, supportive space where your children can express themselves without fear. Having a neutral third party may also help your children to express themselves verbally.

Remember that no matter what the circumstances of your divorce might be, it’s possible to move through this experience and come out a better person. While you may feel stress, anxiety, or sadness during this time, try to focus on your children and your bright future together. This will help you through your journey and will help you and your children grow closer to one another. I if you have any questions about a New Jersey divorce, call the Law Offices Of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 today for a free initial consultation.

Terminology

It’s important to have a basic grasp of the words used when filing for divorce in NJ. If you file the petition, or the one requesting the divorce, you are the plaintiff, and your spouse would be the defendant. The words ‘divorce’ and ‘dissolution’ are used interchangeably, and in fact, the initial form to file is called the ‘Complaint for Divorce/Dissolution.’

A no-fault divorce is in New Jersey is either based on living at two separate residences for at least 18 months before the divorce, or where the parties had irreconcilable differences for at least 6 months before filing. A fault divorce is when a party’s actions resulted in the breakup of the marriage, such as adultery, cruelty or abandonment.  It is important to note that in most cases there is nothing to gain by filing a fault divorce. In most situations if you prove fault you will not receive more alimony, child support or receive more in asset division.  

Getting Started

One spouse is required to be a New Jersey resident for 12 consecutive months before they can file for divorce within the state. To start a divorce in New Jersey a Complaint for Divorce, Certification of Insurance, Certification of Notification of Complementary Dispute Resolution and a Confidential Litigant Information Sheet needs to be filed.  Once all of said documents are stamped filed they need to serve on the defendant except for the Confidential Litigant Information Sheet.

Service

Then a summons needs to be completed and served on the defendant along with the other said documents. The defendant can be served  by personal service from a sheriff or a private process server.  If the defendant or their attorney signs an Acknowledgement of Service the use of a sheriff or private process server can be avoided.

After Service

The defendant must respond within 35 days of receiving the paperwork when filing for divorce in NJ. They can file an appearance, an answer, or a counterclaim. An appearance means there is no objection to the divorce itself, but there may be an objection to some of the terms requested, such as custody or support issues. An answer is where the defendant agrees or disagrees to specific provisions in the complaint. A counterclaim can be added, which is where the defendant can add their reasons for the divorce.

Each party is also required to file a Case Information Sheet, which lists each party’s income, expenses, debts and assets. It is often used to determine temporary or final support issues, and is helpful to the court when dividing up assets

Pre – Trial

This is when pretrial motions are filed: temporary spousal support, temporary child support, custody matters, use of property, and injunctions are all issues that are addressed prior to the final judgment. These orders will remain in effect until the case is finally disposed of, or if the court modifies or terminates any temporary orders.

The court will also hold a case management conference, where all parties and their legal representatives must attend. It is basically a scheduling meeting. The judge sets a discovery period, where the parties will exchange documents, answer interrogatories, and get any appraisals of property completed. The court will set dates for pretrial hearings, evaluations of parties, and even mediation in an attempt to resolve issues before having to proceed with the expense and stress of a trial.

After the discovery period is over, the court will send the case to an Early Settlement Panel, which consists of several matrimonial lawyers who volunteer to resolve the parties disputes concerning financial issues only. The Panel gives a recommendation which is non-binding, on how to settle the matter. If the case is not settled at the Early Settlement Panel then the parties must attend mandatory mediation in which a court approved mediator will donate two hours of their time for free .

Finally, the court will most likely order a mandatory settlement conference with the judge before the trial date, to encourage the parties to resolve their issues. If you do not settle, then you must prepare for trial. However, this process can be helpful in that sometimes parties can agree on some aspects of the divorce, meaning the trial will be shorter and more concentrated than it otherwise would be without these attempts at settlement.

Trial Prep 

Prior to trial, the judge will require each party, or their attorneys, to submit a legal brief outlining all arguments. They will also need to exchange evidence they plan to use, subpoena witnesses, and create exhibits. The plaintiff will present their case in chief, and then the defendant. Upon close of trial, the Judge will enter a Judgment of Divorce, which will address custody, visitation, support, and the division of assets. At any point in time before the judgment is passed down, the parties can submit a Final Settlement Agreement, resolving all disputes.

Filing for Divorce in NJ can be a complex process. For guidance, call our office today at 201-845-7400 to schedule a free initial consultation . in office with a New Jersey divorce lawyer.

Background

In 2006, AW, the mother, gave birth to a child called SD. Several days later, DCP&P got word that there were adults abusing alcohol and drugs in the same apartment the children were living. SD tested positive for cocaine. As a result, SD was removed from AW’s custody on an emergency basis, and the child was put in a resource home. The DCP&P then filed a complaint with the court requesting care, custody and supervision of SD. The court approved their request, and AW agreed that she was responsible for neglect of the child. SD was then placed in the care of KA and RA, maternal relatives. PD was proven to be SD’s father, after a paternity test. He was offered supervised visitation, which eventually had to be held at the offices of the DCP&P given the fractious relationship between the resource parents and the biological parents. Eventually, SD was returned to AW’s care, with the DCP&P remaining involved. The court entered an order preventing PD from having any access to the child in March of 2007 until he had participated in various evaluations and programs to get access to SW reinstated. He did participate, until he was charged with a probation violation, and stopped attending the programs. In 2008, the court determined that AW and PD were to share legal custody of the child, with AW having physical custody. PD received charges for aggravated assault at some point, and was sentenced to three years in prison. In December 2008, PD was deported back to Cape Verde, Africa.

In 2012, DCP&P received another report of violence between AW and a man called JG. AW was charged with neglect and SD was placed in the care of the DCP&P, at which point PD was notified. SD was eventually placed once again with KA and RA, and PD was notified of the child’s placement. DCP&P considered placing the child with PD, but there was difficulty in determining whether his home would be suitable, given his international location. An international home study was carried out in November 2013, and the court found it inadequate, particularly in light of concerns regarding PD’s criminal history. There was no recommendation for SD to be placed with PD. In January 2014, the court approved of the DCP&P’s plan to terminate PD and AW’s parental rights. In December 2014, AW surrendered her parental rights to KA and RA. The court held trial on the DCP&P’s complaint concerning PD’s parental rights in June 2015. PD was still in Africa, so did not participate in trial on day one, but participated by phone and gave sworn testimony on day 2. He opposed his parental rights being terminated, and asked the court for SD to live with him.  

Verdict

 At the conclusion of trial, the judge found that the DCP&P had established all the factors supporting PD’s parental rights to be terminated. Among his findings, the judge said PD had harmed SD because he was absent for most of her life and failed to take any steps to act as a parent for the child. He failed to maintain contact, and did not even know the basic facts about her, like her grade in school. He was basically a stranger to the child, and the judge refused to remove her from her home country to go live in a place she had never been with someone she barely knew. Relying on the expert testimony of the psychologist, the judge also found that removing SD from her current situation would cause her significant emotional and psychological harm.

PD appealed, arguing the judgment should be reversed because the court had failed to comply with the Vienna Convention on Consular Relations (VCCR), he was denied due process and the right to effective assistance of counsel, and the DCP&P failed to establish that his parental rights should be terminated. The appellate court rejected all of PD’s arguments, affirming the judgment.

VCCR Argument

The treaty was aimed at developing friendly relations among nations. It addressed the functions of a consular post between nations sending and nations receiving. PD asserts that Article 37 of the VCCR requires a receiving State to send information concerning guardianships of an international of another State. PD relies on the argument that the VCCR imposed an obligation on the DCP&P to have notified the Cape Verde consulate about the court proceedings in 2012, primarily because SD was both a U.S. and Cape Verde-ian citizen. The purpose of this provision is to give each consulate the chance to consider whether it should provide assistance to its citizen involved in proceedings. The US Department of State has issued guidance which stated that these notice requirements are not applicable if the child in question is an American citizen, even if they hold dual citizenship. Therefore, the VCCR did not require that the DCP&P give notice to the consulate in 2012. Furthermore, PD was not able to show that he was prejudiced by such a failure to notify. SD was also represented by a guardian ad litem, and therefore, had her own access to a legal representative, even without consular notice.

Due Process

PD further asserts he had inadequate due process based on the lack of the consular’s notice. However, DCP&P did notify PD of the proceedings and of SD’s location and placements. The court also noted that PD’s wife was an American citizen, employed with the US State Department in Cape Verde, and his father worked for the Cape Verde government. If he wanted assistance from the consulate, it was available to him. PD could also have gotten local counsel to represent him in the underlying proceedings – but he failed to do so until late 2013. The court noted that he was represented in December 2014 of the permanency plan, and was therefore given both notice and the opportunity to be heard at multiple proceedings.  His due process was not violated under the proceedings of the case.

Effective Assistance of Counsel

PD claims he was denied effective assistance of counsel in the underlying guardianship proceedings, arguing that judgment should be reverse, or at least remanded for the opportunity to have an evidentiary hearing. PD needed to establish the two-prong test in Strickland v. Washington in order to succeed on this argument. First, PD had to show his counsel’s performance “was deficient because it fell below an objective standard of reasonableness.” Second, he needed to show that he “was prejudiced because of the reasonable probability that, but for counsel’s unprofessional errors, the result of the proceeding would have been different.” PD claimed his counsel lacked the requisite knowledge to proceed under the VCCR; however, the court had already determined that he was not prejudiced by any failure within the VCCR, and so this prong failed. He argued his attorney should have sought dismissal of the complaint earlier in the matter, but again failed to show how he was prejudiced by any failure to do this. Even if his attorney had requested a dismissal of the complaint, the DCP&P would simply have filed a new complaint seeking termination of PD’s rights. He could not show how the result would have been any different. PD asserted his attorney should have objected on multiple grounds, such as the examination by an expert, admission of expert testimony, and evidence regarding his prior criminal record. PD failed to show how he was prejudiced by such error, nor that there would have been a different result had his counselor behaved any differently.

Lack of Evidence

 Finally, PD argued that the findings of the judge were not supported by the record. Factual findings are usually not disturbed on appeal if they are supported by credible evidence in the record. The court found that the evidence was pretty clear that PD made no effort to maintain a relationship with SD after he was deported, lacked basic knowledge about her, like what grade she was in, and therefore, the judge’s finding that SD’s health, safety or development had been harmed by PD’s relationship, or lack thereof, with her. Expert testimony from a child psychologist established the risk of harm to SD as well. The evidence supported the jurisprudential test for terminating parental rights, so the appellate court found there was sufficient credible evidence to support the finding that DCP&P made reasonable efforts to accomplish reunification. Ultimately, the court agreed that PD had responded inadequately, and therefore, termination of his parental rights was justified.

If you have any questions concerning a termination of a parental rights case, call the Law Office of Peter Van Aulen for a free initial consultation at (201)845-7400..

Here are five tips for making a co-parenting arrangement work for the kids in your life.

Give kids a voice.

Unless your children are very young, they will have preferences about where they want to spend their time. While custody arrangements are not decided by children, it’s important to make them feel that their opinions are valued.Talk to your kids about splitting time between Mom’s house and Dad’s. Are there particular nights of the week that your child has sports or another activity? Are you being sure to take this into account when you plan the schedule? Divorce can shake a child’s life to the core. It’s important to keep as much consistency in their lives as possible. They shouldn’t be forced to give up activities because of the divorce. When a family is going through turmoil, children often feel like they have no control. Giving them a voice will help them cope. However, do not sign-up your child for activities with the intent interfere with your ex-spouse’s parenting time.

Build up the other parent.

No matter how angry you are at your ex, you owe it to your child to speak kindly about the other parent. You should never criticize your ex in front of your child, and you should take every opportunity to express positive thoughts about your ex. Children who grow up with divorced parents almost always report that the best thing their parents did for them was to refrain from bashing the other parent. Children who were not lucky enough to have that experience often say it was the worst part of the divorce. Loving your children means respecting their relationship with your ex. That person is still their parent, and you owe it to them to be careful what you say.

Make transitions smooth.

The move from one house to another can be a very stressful time for children. Make this time as easy as possible on your kids by planning your strategy in advance. Transitions should occur during a time of day when your child is rested and relaxed. When you leave your child, say goodbye without being overly emotional. Do not make your children feel guilty for leaving you or communicate that you are afraid for their safety when with the other parent. Be friendly toward your ex in front of your child. If you can’t be civil, don’t see your ex-spouse. Instead, plan to have the other parent pick the child up from school or a babysitter. You can also ask a third party, like a friend or grandparent, to take the child from one house to the other.

Avoid timekeeping.

Ideally, your custody arrangements will be fluid enough to accommodate special activities. Your child shouldn’t have to miss out on family events because of the schedule. Avoid keeping time and counting hours. For example, if your child spends an extra night of the week at your ex’s house to attend a family party, don’t demand that you get a different day as make-up time. If you find that you are keeping track of hours, something is wrong. Don’t make your children feel like they owe you time.

Be as consistent as possible.

Unfortunately, divorce means that your children are going to have to adjust to the rules and rhythms of two different households. Recognize how difficult this is, and demonstrate patience. If possible, work with your ex to create rules that are consistent to each household. For example, agree on guidelines for bedtime and screen time. If a child has lost a privilege for misbehavior at one home, ideally that discipline will carry over to the other home as well. Be respectful of the way your spouse parents, particularly in front of the kids. If you disagree with a parenting decision your spouse has made, have a conversation about it when the children are not present.

Co-parenting means that you will continue to raise your children together even if you are no longer a couple. This is a very difficult thing for divorced people to do, but it is vital to the mental health of your kids. Communicate with your ex about parenting and talk about challenges. Remember that your ex may not be your partner anymore, but that person is your child’s other parent. Loving your children means respecting that relationship. If you have any questions about custody and divorce, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen for a free initial consultation at (201) 845-7400.

As a result of these actions, the plaintiff filed a domestic violence complaint against the defendant, and at a brief hearing, was granted a temporary restraining order from one judge. The complaint alleged a pattern and practice of domestic violence from the defendant, including physical abuse and controlling behavior, and currently, she alleged the defendant harassed her through communication to her and her employer. On the day of the final hearing, in front of a completely different judge, the attorney for the defendant presented a motion to dismiss, which were argued to be on the basis that there was no claim presented upon which relief could be granted. The appellate judges noted that the defendant’s motion did not say this at all, but rather said only the facts alleged by the plaintiff concerned only his parenting issues and did not constitute harassment. The appellate court reversed based on the current state of NJ domestic violence laws.

They first held that they have repeatedly condemned any consideration of in limine motions which seek to terminate an action. The rules of court do not allow filing dispositive motions at the last minute – in fact, these sort of motions should only be permitted to address preliminary or evidentiary issues. Defendant sought only dismissal rather than the resolution of any sort of preliminary or evidentiary issues. The judge should have rejected it out of hand. But instead, he not only considered it, but granted it. To make matters even more grave, this case was a domestic violence matter. The court held that NJ domestic violence laws even more vigorously prohibit the use of such motions to dismiss the action when the alleged victim’s safety is the primary consideration of the court. Rarely will a domestic violence action be able to be dismissed without a full hearing – and even in that case, due process must be upheld, with the victim getting an opportunity to file an opposition with a chance to be heard. In this case, the judge disregarded due process, by his willingness to hear the defendant’s motion.  Defendant could have requested a dismissal at the close of all evidence.

The second issue the court found problematic was that the judge and the defendant both believed that the factual allegations presented by plaintiff, finding that the required burden of proof had not been met. However, under the law, this kind of motion cannot address the ability to prove the allegation contained in the complaint. Essentially, the court handled defendant’s motion as though it were a summary judgment. The judge granted the motion based on his acceptance of defendant’s premise that whatever communications he made were solely concerned about the child in question’s welfare, in spite of there being no sworn statement to support that theory, which – by itself –  should have required a denial on the motion. However, the record does not support any of these assumptions, and denied plaintiff any of presumptions and inferences that NJ domestic violence laws would grant here, particularly under summary judgment principles.

Plaintiffs complaint, standing on its own, provided enough evidence to suggest that defendant’s motivations in his communications were not so innocent, and in fact, he intended to harass and control her, just as he had in the past. So, on top of the previous mistakes the judge made, he also failed to examine and interpret plaintiff’s allegations in the light most favorable to her, in direct contravention of established law. Furthermore, he seems to have completely ignored the allegations of past domestic violence against her in a fact-sensitive domestic violence matter.

The court held that the judge should not have considered the motion in limine in the first plus, much less grant it. Furthermore, even if he had been correct in considering it as a motion for summary judgment, he failed to follow basic legal principles in rendering his decision. As a result, the court reversed the dismissal order and reinstated the temporary restraining order to be heard finally before an entirely different judge. This case shows that courts often interpret NJ domestic violence laws strictly, keeping the safety and welfare of the alleged victim in mind. It is a good example of the court’s attitude – when erring in court, and domestic violence is the cause of action, err on the side of the defendant’s well being.  If you have any questions concerning a restraining order, call the Law Offices Of Peter Van Aulen for a free initial consultation at (201) 845-7400.

Do all the Easy Stuff

The easy stuff is things that you should be doing that goes without saying: showing up on time to the child custody evaluation and dressing appropriately, for example. You should act like you’re going on a job interview. Do not lie to the evaluator. They will be able to catch you if you are dishonest, and they usually have a sixth sense about whether someone is telling the truth. This goes double for any psychological tests you may be given, because they are designed to detect malingering, lying, and other defense mechanisms.

Answer What is Being Asked

This means listening to the questions you are being asked. Do not make assumptions, and if you are unclear about anything the evaluator is asking you, do not be afraid to ask for clarification. If the answer is something you think the evaluator may not want to hear, then just be direct and sincere. Do not embellish or try to explain away the facts. Be frank about your strong and weak qualities as a parent, and concentrate on the strong ones. Admit any errors you think you have made when questioned about them, and display remorse. A child custody evaluation asks you to take an honest look at the circumstances of your family. With that said, make sure you do not provide extraneous information. If you are afraid there will be some issues that do not get covered, bring a short list with you. If the evaluator does not ask you about some of your concerns, ask them if it would be alright if you could discuss these with them. But remember, these are professional people, and their time is important. This is not a counseling session or a chance to vent.

Be honest, but don’t be tactless

  This is not a chance for you to air your grievances against your spouse or ex-partner. If a question is presented where you think you can sling mud, resist the urge. Be just and fair about your spouse’s strong and weak qualities as a parent. If you do otherwise, then that could be an excuse for the evaluator to question your willingness and ability to co-parent. If you have honest, rational concerns about the other party’s ability to parent, you can tell the evaluator – but make sure they are rational concerns. For example, if you dislike your mother in law because she belongs to a different political party and your ex takes the kids over to Sunday dinner, this is not a rational concern. But, if your ex allows the children to stay up late with no bedtime on a school night, and consistently brings them to school late, this could be a legitimate concern. Obviously, if there are more serious issues such as drug abuse, mention this. But remember, the evaluator’s role is to determine the best interest of the child. Frame your concerns about the other parent in this context.

Remember, it is about the best interest of your children

 A child custody evaluation is supposed to help the court determine who is in the best position to offer the children the best environment to be raised in. An evaluator responsibility is to determine the type of relationship that exists between the children and parent, the type of environment the children will be in, a parent’s capability to relate to and respond to the emotional state of their children, whether the parents establish appropriate boundaries with their children, the existence of hostility between the spouses and how that hostility affects the children. While you are being evaluated, remember this, and put the needs of your children above your own personal feelings, and try to set aside any hurt or pain you feel from the divorce or breakdown of the relationship. It could backfire on you if you use this as an opportunity to bring the other spouse down. The evaluator will ask you questions that will tempt you – try to resist.

Do prepare your children – the right way

 The evaluator will be speaking to your children during the child custody evaluation process, so it is important you discuss with them what will happen. Of course, much of this depends on the age and maturity of your children, so speak to them as these circumstances demand. Tell them the evaluator is just trying to learn as much as they can about the family so that they can come to a resolution to make sure everyone can work together. Most importantly, do not coach your children, or ask them to badmouth the other parent. Not only is this damaging to the psyche of your children, but it could also be construed as parental alienation, and if the evaluator suspects this is happening, it could be detrimental to your case.

Follow up – if you are asked

  If your evaluator has asked you to bring additional documents that you did not have, make sure you follow through. Try to keep an open line of communication with the evaluator, if you have difficulty getting these documents. If you have any questions about the process of a child custody evaluation, or custody battles in general, call for a free initial consultation with the experienced family law attorneys of Law Office of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845 – 7400 today.

The recent Slutsky v Slutsky case provides a good application of New Jersey equitable distribution law after a party appealed their final decree of divorce. This case illustrates the idea that dividing up property in a divorce is very often complex, and not straightforward. Nancy Slutsky filed for divorce from Kenneth Slutksy after 30 years of marriage. The court case was long and difficult, and eventually, a trial was conducted over 19 days. Both parties challenged various provisions of the final judgment, and Kenneth ultimately appealed. There were nine issues he brought before the court, but for our purposes, this article will focus only on the equitable distribution issues. Essentially, Kenneth claimed there were factual flaws in what the judge found, and argues that the calculations of the division should be reversed.

Defendant was a lawyer, having graduated from Harvard Law School. He was a tax law specialist, became an equity partner in his firm, and owned one share of stock. Shortly before the divorce was filed, the firm changed its payment structure, from a corporation to a limited liability partnership. As capital, Kenneth provided $300,000 to the firm, which was financed through a four-year promissory note. Plenty of evidence was presented concerning Kenneth’s compensation, including the payout for his stock, estimated earnings until retirement, value to the company and his contributions to the firm in general, in order to determine the value of his ‘termination credit account’ (TCA), or what his interest in the firm was. Nancy’s expert initially found the TCA value was $350,830 – but on cross-examination, he admitted the value was likely closer to $292,908, excluding goodwill. Not surprisingly, Kenneth’s expert found the value of the TCA to be $285,000. However, Nancy’s expert estimated goodwill in the firm to be over $1 million, resulting in a revised TCA value of $1,185,304. Kenneth’s expert denied there was any goodwill, to the judge’s dismay. The judge accepted Nancy’s expert’s valuation, finding that Kenneth shared in the firm’s goodwill and awarded plaintiff one-half of the value as her equitable interest.

The appellate court engaged the jurisprudence of New Jersey equitable distribution law, emphasizing that the goal is to affect a fair and just division of marital property. The appellate court has the ability to reverse a decision if it is clear that the trial judge abused their discretion. In this case, the court agreed that intangible good will can attach to an attorney’s interest in a professional practice, and therefore, it is subject to the New Jersey equitable distribution laws, and can be given to the other spouse. However, the question of goodwill is not easily resolved, and in this case, the trial judge asserted only the existence of goodwill, rather than any specific factual findings which supported the existence of any goodwill. Additionally, the judge failed to take into account the expert’s own admissions that his calculations of goodwill were somewhat flawed, and took the original calculations at face value. The judge also neglected to analyze the differences in each of the experts’ opinions. The judge failed to partake in basic fact-finding, to the detriment of both parties and the justice system. Therefore, the appellate court reversed the court on this issue.

Additionally, the appellate court drew on previous cases dealing with New Jersey’s equitable distribution laws on goodwill in a professional firm. The case, Stern v. Stern, held that it was a mistake that one spouse’s potential earning capacity should be a factor in distribution, but it should not be dealt with as a separate item of property to be distributed under the law. Importantly, this is because an individual can’t sell the goodwill as part of the law firm; however, this does not reduce its value to the firm and ability to earn more, and should therefore not be totally discounted in the non-professional spouse’s distribution of property, because they contributed to this goodwill by virtue of being a supportive spouse.

The court then looked to the Dugan case, which provided guidance on how to properly value goodwill of a law practice. The calculation should be done by fixing the amount by which that attorney’s earnings surpass that which would have been earned as an employee by someone with similar qualifications in education, experience and capacity. If the attorney’s average earnings exceed the total of the employee’s normal earnings as well as a return on the investment in physical assets, then any excess could form the basis for evaluating goodwill. However, this method was not deemed to be dispositive, and the court found that a more nuanced method was required for an equity partner in a larger firm, bound by a shareholder agreement. This was a crucial point, with the court determining that any analysis of goodwill in a firm must be guided by the shareholder’s agreement to determine whether it is an appropriate measure of the total firm value – including goodwill. The formula should account for the exiting partner’s interest, taken as part of the firm’s excess earnings.

Ultimately, the appellate court determined that the judge misapprehended Kenneth’s experts opinion when it was suggested there was no goodwill in the firm. Rather, his opinion said that the TCA balance already included the goodwill, and recognized that Kenneth was not a ‘rainmaker,’ and brought clients in, but rather was highly skilled in his specialized legal area. His compensation was based strictly on his earning capacity, and nothing more (like goodwill). As part of a judge’s duty in determining division of property under New Jersey equitable distribution laws, the court must make specific findings of fact on all issues relating to assets paying special attention to the factors listed specifically in the statute of N.J.S.A. 2A:34-23.1(p). This issue was thus reversed and remanded to the trial court to determine the actual value of the TCA under this new criterion.

The final issue presented was the division of Kenneth’s two IRA’s, as he argues they were funded with separate money from a premarital bank account. First, the judge accepted the evidence, and stated they were exempt from distribution. Then, upon a motion for reconsideration by the plaintiff, the judge changed his mind, finding there was no believable evidence from the defendant. These findings were inadequate, according to the appellate court. The evidence presented were some checks, and defendant’s testimony, which was initially characterized as ‘forthcoming’ and ‘non-evasive’ by the judge – who then claimed there was no believable evidence. The trial judge failed to list his reasons adequately, and thus the issue was reversed.

This case stands first for the premise that judges must clearly state their rationale and holdings for their decisions on equitable distribution of property. However, it also recognizes that the valuation and division of assets is not so straightforward as finding the fair market value and dividing it in half. Many factors go into the analysis of New Jersey equitable distribution laws, particularly when it comes to valuing a professional’s share in a company’s equity. If you have questions about issues that you might face should you choose to get a divorce, call experienced NJ divorce attorneys at the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845 – 7400 for a free initial consultation.

Try Something New

Perhaps the first thing to do is to make a clean break with the past. Move into a different house or apartment, with different furniture and decorations. Get rid of everything that reminds you of what once was. If possible, move to a different city.

Give Yourself Time After Your Divorce

Whether the divorce was sudden or you saw it coming, give yourself time to adjust. There will be good days when you are positive you did the right thing and can make it on your own, and there will be days filled with memories that might bring you to tears. It’s normal to feel like that, but you won’t feel down or doubtful forever.

If you had a loving spouse before your relationship went wrong, you might look more favorably on a new partner as opposed to if you were in an abusive relationship or were cheated on. Either way, jumping into a new relationship might not be the best idea. Give yourself time to think and time to adjust.

Accept that it will take weeks or even months to rebuild your life. Get used to being on your own and take this time to discover yourself all over again. Take up a hobby or enroll in a class for continued education. Give your hands and your mind something to do.

Friend or Foe

At the same time, if at all possible, stay friends with your ex. For the sake of the children, it’s often better to have your ex as an ally rather than an enemy. If you can’t stand the sight of him, that’s okay, you didn’t divorce him because you were so fond of him.

If you feel you can’t handle being alone, reach out to others. Seek out family and friends for support or even a shoulder to cry on. If, on the other hand, those near and dear to you bring you down or make you feel guilty, avoid them for a while.

Know that you are far from alone in your current situation. If you need help, talk to a therapist or join a support group.

Spoil Yourself

Should you start to feel depressed, take yourself to task. If ever there was a time to spoil yourself with a new outfit or cute shoes, now would be it. While you’re at it, make an appointment with your stylist and have your hair trimmed, colored or go for a whole new do. The better you look, the better you will feel.

Heal From the Inside Out

Instead of indulging in comfort food, which might pile on the pounds, pay attention to your diet. What you eat, or rather what your diet lacks, can be of influence on your mental health. Feel good foods are lean meat, low-fat dairy products, nuts, and fish. Fish such as salmon, tuna, herring, trout, and sardines have plenty of Omega-3s which effectively deal with mood swings.

Have a piece of dark chocolate with your coffee or tea. Dark chocolate is not only an antioxidant, it’s good for the heart and blood vessels and has a positive effect on the brain.

Even though divorce meant the end of your marriage, it doesn’t you can’t be happy again. Don’t let divorce ruin your life, in many ways your life is just beginning. You’re single again, you can do whatever you like, whenever you feel like it. You’re free, life is out there, go live it. If you have any questions in regard to the legal aspects of New Jersey divorce, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400, who are experienced  NJ divorce attorneys, for a free initial consultation

Going through a divorce is rarely an easy process. Most divorces are challenging to get through at the very least. Not only can things get emotionally messy, but there are often a lot of tricky legal matters involved as well. One decision that’s often quite contentious is what to do with the house. If you are getting divorced and own a home with your spouse, then the following are some of the options that you have when it comes to selling the house:

1. Divide the profits of the house equally

If neither you nor your spouse wants to keep the house, or if neither of you can afford to keep it, then simply selling it and splitting the profit might be the best decision. However, it’s important that you understand that your divorce can affect how much money you end up pocketing. If you’ve lived in your house for a long time, then your profits may be affected by the capital gains tax.

Couples can exclude upwards of $500,000 in capital gains. If you sell your house for above that amount, any profit over that sum will be taxed. If the divorce is finalized before you sell the house, then you could end up losing more money towards capital gains tax due to the fact that unmarried individuals can only exclude up to $250,000 in capital gains.

2. Buy out your spouse

If you have the money, then you can buy out your spouse if you want to stay in the house and retain ownership. A buyout is different than a sale, which can make the process difficult, especially if you and your spouse are not on good terms. You should get a professional appraisal of the house and consider the money you have already paid on the home mortgage when determining a buyout figure that you and your spouse can agree on.

3. Let your spouse buy you out

If you have no desire to remain in your house, but your spouse wants to stay, then you can let your spouse by you out. You may choose this option if you cannot afford to buy out your spouse or pay the mortgage, but your spouse can (and wants to). However, make sure that your name is removed from the mortgage.

4. Delay the buyout

If you want to stay in the house and your spouse agrees to let you have it, but you can’t afford to buy your spouse out, then you can delay the buyout. When you delay the buyout, you get to remain the house while your spouse moves out. You will then continue paying the mortgage on your own until you can afford to either buy out your spouse or sell the house to divide the profits.

This tends to be a riskier option for the person who is moving out. There are several reasons for this. If your spouse stays in the house and delays the buyout, your name will remain on the mortgage, which means that if they fail to make payments, it could end up hurting your credit. There could also be emotional challenges down the line as well. For example, there may eventually be arguments about the way the house is maintained, or over another person moving into the house. You’ll have to consider these possibilities. If you do decide to delay the buyout, no matter who is staying in the house, you should sit down together with your lawyers and hash out an agreement that goes over these potential challenges.

These are the main options that you and your spouse will have if you are going through a divorce. However, keep in mind that in some cases, both spouses may want to keep the house because they are both financially capable of doing so. If this is the case for you, then your attorneys will need to get involved in order to determine who has the right to keep the house. If you have any questions about a New Jersey divorce and what to do with your home, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free initial consultation.

The parties agreed in Bisbing v. Bisbing to a marital settlement agreement when they separated. The agreement included that the mother, Jaime, would have primary residential custody with their twin daughters. The agreement also mentioned a relocation provision, stating that “[n]either party shall permanently relocate with the Children from the State of New Jersey without the prior written consent of the other.” About a year after the divorce was final, Jaime told her ex that she intended to marry another man, who lived in Utah. Significantly, the wife had been dating this gentlemen prior to the resolution of the agreement. She requested that her ex-spouse consent to the relocation of the children with her to Utah. Her ex-husband said she was free to go, but the children must remain in New Jersey with him.

Plaintiff in Bisbing v. Bisbing went to court, filing a motion under N.J.S.A. 9:2-2, requesting that she be allowed to permanently relocate to Utah with her children. In response, her ex-husband argued that she had negotiated the agreement in bad faith, knowing she was planning on relocating without telling him so he would agree to give her primary residential custody. Child relocation laws in NJ at the time, under the Baures standard, required the parent who is requesting relocation despite opposition from the other parent to show that there is a good-faith reason to move and that it will not negatively affect the child’s interests. At trial, the court agreed that the move was in good faith and the children would not be harmed by it, and granted plaintiff’s request. She promptly moved to Utah, and enrolled the children in school.

On appeal, the court reversed the trial court and remanded for a plenary hearing, finding that there was a genuine issue of material fact if the plaintiff had actually negotiated the initial agreement in good faith. If it was determined that she had negotiated the agreement in bad faith, then child custody laws in NJ require that for relocation cases, the standard should be the ‘best interest of the child’, a more stringent requirement, than that of negatively impacting the children. After this decision, plaintiff returned to New Jersey, where the trial court denied her motion for a stay, and required the parties to abide by the provisions they had set in the agreement.

On appeal here, the court departed from the jurisprudential test of Baures. Child custody laws in NJ are designed to ensure continuing and frequent contact between parents and children after a separation or divorce. Under this particular statute, N.S.J.A. 9:2-2, it requires a showing of ‘cause’ before a court can allow a parent to remove the children permanently to another jurisdiction without permission from both parents, or the consent of the child if old enough. Under Baures, the burden was eased on the custodial parent, holding that if the party who wanted to relocate was the custodial parent, then cause would be establish if they could show good faith in the move and that it would not be inimical to the interests of the children. The courts had held in previous cases, however, that if a request to relocate comes shortly after the settlement and final judgment, and the party asking for relocation knew of the facts and circumstances for relocation at the time of entry of the judgment, then the best interests standard should apply, rather than the lowered Baures standard. The panel adopted this standard, the court on appeal then reconsidered whether the Baures standard should remain the benchmark in relocation cases.

The court rarely overrules itself. It went through a significant analysis, acknowledging that the social science upon which the Baures court relied had since been criticized by other scholars. It found that social scientists who study relocation impact on children do not have a firm consensus, and therefore, Baures did not encapsulate the general state of families in New Jersey – rather, it applied to a few. In addition to the child custody laws in NJ, the court looked to other states’ laws, finding that most states impose a best interests test when a relocation case comes before the courts. Furthermore, the Baures standard has the potential to create unnecessary arguments between parties, with accusations of a party acting in bad faith by anticipating a relocation before signing any agreement, as seen in the instant case. Furthermore, Baures gives an advantage to the custodial parent by lowering their burden, which could increase litigation in determining the designation of the parent who has primary residential custody. Therefore, the standard should strictly be what is in the child’s best interests.

The court in Bisbing v. Bisbing defended its decision to overrule itself by referring to a previous case, Emma v. Evans, which concerned a change in a child’s surname to the objection of the other parent. Before Emma, the standard was a rebuttable presumption that the surname selected by the custodial parent (who is primarily charged with making decisions in the child’s best interest), will be presumed to be in the child’s best interest. Emma abandoned that presumption, and instead, the court used a test which places the parents on equal footing when determining a change in surname.

The court amended the state of child relocation laws in NJ by abandoning Baures, instead requiring courts to conduct a best interest analysis to determine ‘cause’ as required under the statute, regardless of which parent is the primary residential custodian. The court determined that lower courts should look to the best interests statute and the factors listed therein when handling relocation cases, along with other evidence to determine the child’s best interests. Furthermore, there is no need to determine whether the initial settlement agreement was determined in bad faith. The court remanded the case to the trial court for an analysis consistent with the opinion.

If you have questions about the evolving child relocation laws in NJ, reach out to Peter Van Aulen at the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen for a free initial consultation at 201-845-7400.

In between signing the final decree and the present suit, Mr. Hersch was laid off, re-hired, laid off and hired multiple times, usually earning slightly more at each new job than the last. He also often received large severance packages for each time he was laid off. If the severance packages were considered compensation, then he would owe additional alimony under the agreement. The issue then is, under the New Jersey alimony laws, are these severance payments also considered compensation to be factored into alimony payments?

The court first started by confirming that marital settlement agreements were contracts under the law, and they should therefore be interpreted as such, using contractual principles. The court reasoned that, under the plain language of the settlement, severance pay would be income for purposes of alimony, because the language was broad and excluded only the issuance of signing bonuses. Additionally, under the rules of the I.R.S., the court noted that severance pay is intended to be replacement income, rather than defendant’s characterization of the payment as releasing a specific damage claim. The essence of the agreement was that Mr. Hersch’s obligations are based on what he is required to report as earned income in any given year. In light of this language, New Jersey alimony laws, and the requirements of the IRS, the court held that such severance pay would be absolutely reportable as income earned on his federal tax return. In fact, Mr. Hersch actually did report his severance payment on his IRS returns, including them under the “wages, salaries, tips, etc.” category.

The court was clear and unequivocal when it confirmed that under New Jersey alimony laws, the government treats severance the same way the federal government does – as a form of wages. Citing to the New Jersey Supreme Court in the Adams v. New Jersey Cent. Power & Light Co. case, the Hersch court affirmed the idea that severance pay was not merely payment to replace income for the period of unemployment. Rather, severance pay had other objectives, such as readjusting the life of the employee to altered circumstances, and should not be considered a gratuity, but rather compensation earned by service. This first issue, was therefore disposed of rather quickly by the trial court, and the appellate court felt no need to disturb this ruling on appeal.

The second argument Mr. Hersch raised at the trial level was that the additional amounts of child support were not properly calculated because the court failed to shift any alimony paid by him and add it to her income before calling for additional child support, as required in the guidelines. However, the court rejected the notion that this was in the guidelines, and there was nothing in the parties’ 38-page agreement that indicates they intended alimony paid to Ms. Hersch should be deducted from Mr. Hersch’s income prior to the calculation of additional child support. The agreement was clear that a flat eight-percent sum should be taken from any additional compensation. Using contractual principles, the trial judge did not interpret the contract to make a better deal for Mr. Hersch, nor supply terms that the parties had not clearly agreed upon. The appellate court agreed with the rationale and holding of the trial judge, and also declined to disturb this ruling on appeal.

To add to their confidence in the trial judge’s ruling, the court thought it important to note that the agreement was based on Mr. Hersch’s basic income of $225,000. In the years following the divorce, he had earned, at minimum, $330,000 each year, and in some cases, earned $695,000.00. Therefore, Mr. Hersch was not placed at a disadvantage, and certainly any argument that the agreement should be modified based on changed circumstances could not be carried. It is also worth noting that the appellate court mentioned Mr. Hersch’s consistent attempts at hiding or delaying the true financial picture of his earnings, causing delays, court costs, and overall headaches in this litigation. Such behavior is frowned upon by the court, and will not be awarded with innovative interpretations in favor of the party in the wrong.

It seems clear then, that under New Jersey alimony laws, severance packages shall be included as compensation for purposes of spousal and child support. If you have any questions about how much a divorce could cost you, particularly in terms of alimony, get in touch for a free initial consultation with Peter Van Aulen at the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen by calling 201-845-7400.

However, in November 2016, the father picked up the younger son, then on the way back to New Jersey, traveled to Connecticut to retrieve his daughter who was at a school retreat. The daughter wanted to drive back with her friends and go visit her father from there, but the father refused, which of course, led to a confrontation. Although it was eventually resolved, the daughter’s anger discolored the entire weekend, and upon a week of returning the children to Massachusetts, the department of children and family received complaints, alleging that there was sexual and physical abuse upon the children by their father. Eventually, the complaints were said to be unsubstantiated, although the mother had already filed suit to amend custody in Massachusetts by that time, and the judge there restricted the father to have supervised parenting time only.

Courts interpreting child custody laws in NJ are bound to also follow the New Jersey Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act, or NJUCCJEA. Essentially, the law provides that because New Jersey entered the initial orders concerning custody, that New Jersey can now be the only jurisdiction that is able to determine if it has lost jurisdiction. The children moved and currently reside in Massachusetts, so under the act, Massachusetts is the child’s home state. However, the court was required to go through a three-part analysis to determine whether it had appropriate jurisdiction to make custody determinations.

First, the court must consider whether it has ‘continuing, exclusive jurisdiction.’ Simply enough, by virtue of issuing an initial custody order, the court has ‘continuing, exclusive jurisdiction’ under the law. So, the first stage has been met.

Next, the court has to consider whether circumstances have changed to an extent to divest the state of jurisdiction over the matter. Jurisdiction will remain in the state of New Jersey unless there is no significant connection or substantial evidence to New Jersey which would allow its courts to retain jurisdiction. To determine whether there is a significant connection, NJ courts undertake a fact-intensive inquiry. For what it’s worth, a significant connection cannot be that one of the parents continues to reside in the state –there must be more. In the instant case, the defendant remains in New Jersey. The parties share joint legal custody and the defendant has ample parenting time in New Jersey. This latter factor appeared to be key for the court, latching on to the fact that both parties agree the children visit New Jersey regularly for purposes of visitation, and thus have a significant connection to the state. As for the prong which requires that substantial evidence be available in the state, the court was not persuaded that Massachusetts also had witnesses and evidence as to the dispute; rather, there was also evidence available in New Jersey by virtue of the significant connection, and thus there would be witnesses in New Jersey, too. Thus, the court determined that New Jersey had continuing, exclusive jurisdiction.

The next two stages require the court to determine if New Jersey is an inconvenient forum, and if so, whether Massachusetts is thus a more appropriate forum. Both prongs must be met for Massachusetts to acquire jurisdiction. Before making a determination using child custody laws in NJ, the court has to consider all relevant factors, essentially asking whether the court of another State is in a more advantageous position to make a custody determination. There are eight factors specifically listed under the NJUCCJEA, including the presence of domestic violence, the length of time the child has lived outside NJ, the distance between the courts in each state, the relative financial circumstances of the parties, any agreement of the parties as to jurisdiction, the nature and location of evidence present and available in each state, the ability of each court to determine the issues, and the familiarity of the court with the facts and issues of the litigation.

As to the issue of domestic violence, there was no evidence of it existing, but the court determined that there was no reason to favor one state over the other on this matter. As to the children living outside the state, the court determined that, while the children lived in Massachusetts for about three years before the current case, there was nothing to indicate that it would be a more appropriate forum than New Jersey, citing to case precedent, where children lived outside the state for about 4 years, but still the court determined NJ was appropriate. Again, this factor did not indicate one state being favored over the other. As to the proximity of the states, it is about a five-hour drive from each party’s home. This factor did not determine that either state should be favored over the other.

As to the relative financial circumstances of the parties, the mother did not show evidence she would be prejudiced if required to litigate in New Jersey based on financial concerns, and she consented to move. Therefore, the factor does not favor one state over the other. The parties consented to New Jersey having custody, although it is not an automatic presumption that New Jersey will continue to have this right. The court must consider such consent, and if it is shown that there was significant consideration by one party to consent to the removal (such as by avoiding a lengthy removal hearing), then this is persuasive. In the instant case, this factor went against finding that New Jersey is an inconvenient place to hold the case.

As to the evidence of the case, the court cannot know for sure which witnesses can be called at trial, nor is it sure of the exact nature and location of documents or other evidence which might be presented. There will likely be witnesses from both states, but also notes that, given the younger son’s significant disabilities, the burden to travel as a witness would be heaviest on him. Therefore, Massachusetts would be the more appropriate forum for him, and NJ more inconvenient.

In summation, after 6 factors, the court is tied with one factor favoring NJ and one factor favoring Massachusetts. The ability of the court to decide the issues was the next factor. There was no evidence that either court would be unable to hear the matter in a timely fashion, and so no state was favored over the other. As to the final factor – the familiarity of the court of each state with the facts and issues of the case – the NJ court has a longer history of its connection to the case. The parties had an initial custody determination. They subsequently had a divorce. The agreement stated that it shall be governed by the laws of NJ. Of course, the judge considering the issue in NJ had no involvement to the case prior to this immediate matter. But the Massachusetts judge also had no involvement to the matter until the instant case either. The judge that heard the preliminary matters in Massachusetts had since retired. Therefore, the court determined that this factor did not favor one court over the other.

So, essentially, the matter was tied. The next step then, was to perform both a qualitative analysis. The burden upon the son traveling to New Jersey to potentially testify did not outweigh the agreement the parties made to carry out disputes in NJ. The difficulties facing the son in traveling to court do not necessarily relate to actually traveling to court, but rather to the inherent difficulties he encounters daily as a result of his disabilities. Therefore, the court placed more emphasis on the agreement to litigate in New Jersey rather than the burden of the witness traveling there.

When contesting child custody and visitation, child custody laws in NJ must be interpreted by the courts using multiple other statutes. When jurisdictional issues appear, the court has to follow the NJUCCJEA. If you have a custody matter that involves two or more states, contact the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen for a free initial consultation at 201-845-7400. With over 20 years of experience, he can guide you through every family law issue you might have.

The court in Sacklow v Betts provides a succinct overview in the procedural aspects of acquiring a legal name change in NJ for a child. An application must be filed by first filing a verified complaint which sets out the reasons why the child is requesting a name change. It should include the child’s date of birth, and also notify the court that the application is not filed in order to defraud creditors, avoid prosecution, or for other illegitimate reasons. The complaint should also include whether or not the child has been involved in some sort of delinquency. If they have, then the complaint needs to be clear on the nature of the crime and punishment. To that end, of course the complaint should include if the child is currently facing delinquency charges. There are additional requirements if the child is part of a family law action, or had been part of one within three years before filing the complaint. In the instant case, there were no errors on the face of the complaint.

The court then had to consider what the standard of review was in order to change a child’s name. For this, the court looked to case precedent, and used the factors set forth in prior cases when courts were determining whether a parent’s application to change their child’s name should be used. In the cases prior, the only change at hand was the child’s surname, unlike in the instant case, where the first name was at issue. The main consideration for a court in granting a legal name change in NJ for a minor is whether it is in their best interest. This is the paramount consideration of the court for any issue dealing with a minor – to keep their best interest at the center of all inquiries. In arriving at what the best interest of the child is, the court must consider the length of time the child has used his or her given surname; the identification of the child with a family unit; any potential anxiety or discomfort that may result from having a different surname from their custodial parent; the child’s preference (if they are old enough); any parental misconduct or neglect; the degree of community respect (or lack thereof) associated with either parent’s name; improper motivation on the part of the parent who is requesting the name change; whether the mother has changed, or intends to change her name in the future, upon marriage; the quality of the relationship between the child and any siblings with different names; whether the surname has important ties to the child’s family heritage or ethnic identity; and finally, the ultimate effect changing the name will have on the relationship between parent and child. The parent who wishes to change their child’s name must show, by a preponderance of the evidence, that the change is in the child’s best interest.

When it comes to transgender people, the law is often not helpful when they request a legal name change in NJ. In the past, courts would not allow a name change of a transgender person without proof of gender reassignment surgery – something that has since gone by the wayside. Compound this with the fact that Trevor is a minor, and things become more difficult. If Trevor were an adult, the burden would be much lower. However, because he is a minor whose parents disagree on whether or not he should be allowed a name change, the court must now make a determination of whether such a change is in Trevor’s best interest. By law, in NJ, children are unable to make decisions concerning their own name change or even consent to gender reassignment surgery. However, in light of the fact that courts must step in to resolve disputes between parents concerning the well-being of their minor children, the court recognized that the state of NJ has an interest in protecting both the physical and psychological well-being of its children – including lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth. A name change was determined to be crucial in helping a transgender child to begin to fully transition, and avoid embarrassment from using a name that does not match his or her gender.

In the instant case, the court found that Trevor, being nearly 17, was of sufficient age and maturity that he could express his opinion as to a legal name change in NJ. He has used his chosen name of Trevor for 5 years – significant when he is only 16. The third factor of the potential anxiety felt by the child from having a name that does not correspond to his outward appearance was most compelling for the court in the instant case. It relied upon multiple studies showing that transgender teens are at particular risk for bullying, harassment, and at its worst, has led to suicide and suicidal ideations. Trevor has received therapy both as a result from his own suicidal ideations and to address his gender dysphoria, and the court was convinced that Trevor was committed to living life as a male individual. It was clear that Trevor was not attempting to defraud creditors or avoid prosecution, but simply change his name in pursuit of personal happiness. While he could wait until the age of 18, when the burden of proof was much lower, Trevor testified that because he would be getting legal documents such as a driver’s license and passport, as well as applying for college and taking SAT’s, he wanted his legal name to reflect his true identity. In light of all these factors, the court determined that requiring him to keep the name ‘Veronica’ would not be in his best interest, and allowed him to change his name to Veronica.

Getting a legal name change in NJ for a minor child certainly requires more steps and considerations than someone over the age of 18; however, the courts in New Jersey carefully contemplate a myriad of factors to determine if doing so is in the best interest of the child. If you have any questions concerning legal name changes in your family law matter, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen for a free initial consultation at (201) 845-7400.

A temporary restraining order (TRO) had been put in place due to domestic violence which TMS had admitted to. A final restraining order (FRO) was implemented, which TMS moved to vacate. He was denied. He filed again to dismiss the FRO, and WCP did not appear for the hearing, despite being properly served with notice. As a result, the court granted the unopposed application to vacate the FRO. With this victory, defendant then moved for relief from having to forfeit his weapons. At this hearing, there was a question of whether plaintiff was actually properly notified of the original dismissal of the FRO, and so, the court reinstated the FRO (and so, the weapons forfeiture matter was dismissed).

In determining whether a final NJ restraining order can be dismissed, the court relies on eleven factors from the Carfagno case if there is good cause for dismissal. The factors are: (1) whether the victim consented to lift the restraining order; (2) whether the victim fears the defendant; (3) the nature of the relationship between the parties today; (4) the number of times that the defendant has been convicted of contempt for violating the order; (5) whether the defendant has a continuing NJ restraining order because she wasn’t there – but the trial court did note that the defendant had never violated the order, defendant’s consistent sobriety, attended domestic violence counseling, and suffered from health problems that made it difficult for him to inflict any violence, even if he had wanted to. Therefore, on the basis of these factors, the judge determined that the FRO was no longer required to protect the plaintiff.

involvement with drug or alcohol abuse; (6) whether the defendant has been involved in other violent acts with other persons; (7) whether the defendant has engaged in counseling; (8) the age and health of the defendant; (9) whether the victim is acting in good faith when opposing the defendant’s request; (10) whether another jurisdiction has entered a restraining order protecting the victim from the defendant; and (11) other factors deemed relevant by the court.

In this case, the plaintiff could not consent to dismissing the final

Over a year later, at a subsequent weapons forfeiture hearing, on the third day of said hearing, the prosecution abruptly mentioned that plaintiff had not been served by the motion to vacate FRO in the other domestic violence action, because her appropriate address was not on file. The court did not find that the notice sent regular mail had ever been returned. The court noted that plaintiff had not filed an application to reinstate the FRO due to lack of service – something the appellate court took special note of. There was no evidence that plaintiff had made any effort to keep her contact information update with the court or with the state. In spite of this, the court reinstated the application.

On appeal, TWS argues that once a NJ restraining order is dismissed, the court no longer has jurisdiction to determine whether a restraining order should be entered. The appellate court looked at the State of New Jersey Domestic Violence Procedures Manual on the issue of dismissing an FRO, and examined the requirements for due process. At minimum, due process demands that a party receive notice defining the issues with an adequate time to respond. Furthermore, due process prohibits a court from converting a hearing on a complaint on one particular act of domestic violence into another hearing on other acts of violence. By its actions, the appellate court held that the court overlooked fundamental rules of due process by reinstating the FRO sua sponte. Plaintiff is required to file a motion for relief for lack of service if she had desired to contest the dismissal of the FRO. This is because defendant is entitled to present a case on the issue of whether service had been properly issued. Furthermore, applications to dismiss a final NJ restraining order must be made in the underlying matter, and not in some ancillary case, in order to protect victims of domestic violence when there is an application of dismissal of an FRO.

Another matter facing the court presented by the defendant was that a domestic violence matter can be heard only by one judge throughout the life of the case. At bar, two different judges heard the applications, and insists that there should be one judge per case. The appellate court agrees in principle – that in an ideal world, one judge per case should be the rule. However, given the limited resources of the justice system, particularly with family court and domestic violence dockets, this is simply an impossible standard. Domestic violence cases are summary in nature – the law requires a judgment to be issued within ten days of filing the complaint, in order to protect both domestic violence victims and preserve due process for defendants. This complaint from defendant was dismissed.

Finally, defendant asserted that he was subjected to double jeopardy because he had to undergo a hearing for dismissal of a final NJ restraining order twice. Essentially, the court found this argument had no merit. The double jeopardy clause of the Constitution prevents someone being prosecuted for the same offense twice after either a conviction or an acquittal. It also prohibits multiple punishments for the same offense. In the instant case, the domestic violence act allows for complaints to be brought in a civil action, separate and distinct from a criminal case. Therefore, the double jeopardy does not apply.  If you have any questions concerning domestic violence, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen for a free initial consultation at (201) 845-7400.

• It could get expensive. I know you think that if you do not hire an attorney, you will avoid those expensive attorney’s fees. That is true. However, you should think of these fees as an investment. Doing property division on your own can be difficult, especially if your estate is particularly large or complex. Dividing up real property requires multiple documents and transactions. Trying to divide up your retirement uses multiple laws and procedures. Mishandling distribution of your retirement account can actually cost you huge fees or tax penalties that a lawyer would know to avoid. And these are just the property issues.
• You could mess up your custody case. Even if you and your spouse agree to a custody arrangement that is fair, if you mislabel the agreement as shared custody instead of joint legal custody, this could have huge negative repercussions for you, resulting in a loss of parental rights in some respects. It is difficult and costly to modify orders after they are entered, and having a lawyer will make sure to catch any errors or misunderstandings before they become final. Lawyers can also give you advice on how to prepare your case for custody – including what not to do. Many parties think that talking to their children about the case, especially if they are older, is a good idea. A lawyer would guide you that it’s usually not a good idea – and if you want your child to state a preference as to who they would like to live with, a lawyer would be able to get this evidence in front of a judge through better venues than you speaking to your child. The opposing side could convince the court that you are trying to sway the child to like you more.

A no fault divorce is basically telling the court that you and your spouse can no longer get along. No one has to take the blame for the relationship falling apart, and it can help things go quicker. But, this choice isn’t for everyone, and sometimes individuals just need their day in court to move on. In these cases, a ‘fault’ divorce might be more appropriate. In these cases, one party has to prove the other’s misconduct which caused the divorce. Along with adultery, abandonment, abuse, or substance abuse can all be used as grounds for a fault divorce. Of course, due to the heavier burden of proof, litigation will be more costly and lengthy, so it’s important to think about your strategy before filing your divorce petition.

Despite this, one of the big advantages in filing a fault case for adultery and divorce in New Jersey used to be that judges get to look at whose fault it was in the break-up of the marriage when determining things like alimony and property division. Alimony, or spousal support, is what one spouse might pay to the other upon separation or divorce to ensure the other party can support themselves. In the past, only a fault divorce would allow a party to request alimony; luckily, things have progressed, and now that most people file for a no fault divorce, courts will rarely look to fault when determining whether alimony should be awarded. In New Jersey, the court will only consider crimes that have resulted in the death or serious bodily injury to their spouse (or attempts to do so). In other words, if one spouse has tried to kill the other, they will not be awarded alimony. The other time courts will consider adultery and divorce in New Jersey when determining alimony is if this adultery negatively affected the couple’s economic estate. So, for example, if a wife purchased her boyfriend an apartment in the city, this would have been a wasting of the assets and could be looked at when determining whether, and how much, alimony should be awarded.

Similarly, nowadays, when it comes to adultery and divorce in New Jersey, judges usually won’t consider this issue when it comes to property division, unless of course, the adulterer has also effected the state of the marital property, such as wasting assets, or spending too much money on the third party. So, the spouse who is not at fault might be able to receive a slightly higher percentage of the estate to make up for the money that was wasted. Sometimes, although rarely, courts will look at the behavior of the spouse who committed adultery if it was outrageous. There is not really any definition of this, but an example would be perhaps if the spouse and their girlfriend conspired to kill the wife. In fact, there are 14 different factors for a judge to consider when determining whether or not to award alimony, and adultery is not one of them. However, “any other factors which the court may deem relevant” is a factor, and gives judges wide discretion in deciding whether or not alimony should be used to affect alimony. Generally speaking, judges do not look at any adulterous behavior of the parties when awarding alimony.

Similarly, adultery will not typically affect any issues of custody in a divorce in New Jersey, unless there are some exceptional circumstances, such as if the new boyfriend or girlfriend is a sex offender, or consistently uses drugs or alcohol in the presence of the child. Of course, this is really more an issue of good parenting rather than whether someone should be punished simply for being an adulterer.

Overall, if you are the victim of an adulterous spouse, it will be helpful to seek out professional legal advice to determine the best strategy before you file your case. Unless the behavior was egregious, or you suspect that a good chunk of the estate was wasted on the estate, filing a ‘fault’ case may cause only more problems. It will potentially make your spouse upset or angry. It will most likely cause larger attorney’s fees, because you will have to prove the fault of the other party – meaning more discovery, more time and more cost. Of course, in the early stages, before you file, you can do a lot to gather evidence showing the adultery, such as phone records, text messages, and bank statements. If you have enough evidence preserved so that the work on the part of the attorney will be minimized, it might be worth considering to file a ‘fault’ divorce. However, ultimately, filing this kind of case will likely see little return on the investment, given the fact that New Jersey is now a no-fault state, and courts will typically not use adultery to affect the property or financial status of the parties, unless there has been a specific and significant impact on the value of the marital estate. This is also because property division really should be based on an equitable split, and alimony should assist the less wealthy spouse in maintaining their standard of living. Property division or alimony really should not be used as a punitive weapon during divorce.

Proceed with caution when pursuing a divorce based on fault grounds. These can be emotionally and financially draining, with very little reward as a result. It is often done when spouses need an avenue to vent and smear their spouse, although this is not the most constructive way to end a marriage, particularly when children are involved. Of course, the argument is, neither was adultery. However, two wrongs do not make a right.

If you have any questions about adultery and divorce in NJ, call the Law Offices Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free initial consultation.

Get healthy.

Don’t allow yourself to ignore your physical health during your divorce. It can be tempting to retire to the sofa with a carton of ice cream, but you owe it to yourself to fight the urge. You can help yourself tremendously by eating right, getting plenty of sleep and keeping up with a regular exercise routine.

Pull in your friends. 

Now is not the time to isolate yourself. Turn to your best friends, your family or anyone else who is part of your support group. Make plans to meet friends for dinner or shopping, or just ask someone to come over and hang out. You need to spend time with people who lift you up.

Keep kids a priority.

It’s important to remember that children are not always open and clear about their feelings. If you have children, you need to spend plenty of time making sure that they are okay. Divorce in NJ can hurt kids if it’s not handled properly, and sometimes kids hide their fears and anxieties. If you can, get your kids into a counseling program just to make sure they aren’t suffering.

Walk away from arguments.

Don’t waste time fighting with your ex. If you find that you can’t communicate with your former spouse, then try to talk as little as possible. If you have to discuss the kids, stick to that topic. If you are talking to your ex and things start to get ugly, don’t be afraid to leave the conversation.

Negotiate if possible.

If you are able to communicate effectively with your former spouse, get as much of the negotiation work out of the way on your own. If the two of you can work out a custody arrangement, a child support plan, division of property and other issues, it’s better for you to do it yourselves than to hand it over to the court.Courts are unpredictable, and you never know what a judge might order. Remember that the more you fight about, the more money you are giving to your attorney. Working it out yourselves makes sense in the long run.

Avoid making big changes.

You might be feeling an urge to start life over, but be careful about making big life decisions while you are still recovering emotionally from the split. A new job, a new home or even a move across the country might be exactly what you need. Just give yourself some time to think it through before you act.

Grieve for your dreams.

Divorce in New Jersey is a loss, and you are going to go through a grieving process just as if someone you love has passed. It’s OK to grieve for the life you thought you were going to have and even for the spouse you thought you had married. Your life has suddenly changed in some overwhelming ways. Go ahead and take time to be sad for what you’re missing.

Going through a divorce is a mentally draining process that can be incredibly stressful. Be kind to yourself, doing whatever you can to keep yourself feeling steady. Keep looking ahead and reminding yourself that there is a light at the end of this tunnel, and one day, you will get past this time. If you have any questions about divorce in NJ, call the Law Offices Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free initial consultation.

On September 10, 2015, the Governor of New Jersey signed into law an amended alimony statute. Said amended statute made a number changes in regard to alimony and retirement. According to the amended statute, there is now a rebuttable presumption that his or her alimony obligation will end upon attainting full retirement age.

 How is full retirement age defined under NJ alimony laws?

The amended alimony statute defines full retirement age when a person can collect full Social Security benefits.

Can the presumption that alimony terminates upon reaching full retirement age be rebutted under the alimony laws in NJ?

Yes, it is a rebuttable presumption. A court will consider the following factors in determining if the presumption of terminating alimony at full retirement age should be rebutted:

• The litigants’ ages at the time of the motion for termination or modification of alimony;
• The litigants’ ages when they married and their ages when alimony was awarded;
• The amount and duration of economic reliance by the payee upon the other party during the marriage;
• Whether the litigant has exchanged something of value for a longer or larger alimony award;
• The sum and period of alimony formerly paid;
• The litigants health when the retirement application was made;
• The litigants’ assets at the time of retirement;
• Whether the payee has obtained full retirement age;
• All sources of income of both parties;
• The party who is collecting alimony capability to have saved adequately for retirement;
• Any other relevant factor.

Can a party who wants to retire before full retirement age terminate or modify his or her alimony obligation?

Maybe; a party who wants to retire before reaching full retirement age has the burden to demonstrate that their retirement is made in good faith and is reasonable. A Judge will review the following factors:

• The health and ages of the litigants;
• The occupation of the party who is paying alimony and the standard age of retirement in that profession;
• The payor’s eligible retirement age at his or her work place, including mandatory retirement dates;
• Whether the payor’s continued employment would not increase his or her retirement benefits;
• The payor’s reasons for retiring. The court will inquire if any pressure was exerted by the payor’s employer to retire, or if said employer offered any incentive to retire;
• The litigant’s reasonable expectations during the marriage in regard to retirement and their expectations at the time of divorce was entered;
• The payor’s ability to carry on alimony payments after retirement, considering whether he or she will work part-time;
• The effect of payor’s retirement on payee and degree of payee’s financial independence;
• Other applicable factors influencing the payor’s decision to retire and each litigant’s economic situation.

How does a court determine whether to modify or terminate an alimony award if it was established before the effective date of the amended statute under New Jersey alimony laws?

When an alimony Order was entered before the effective date of the amended statute, the payor’s attainment of “full retirement age” shall be found to be a good faith retirement age. Further, a judge in determining whether the termination or modification of the payor’s support obligation is reasonable shall consider the payee’s capability to have saved sufficiently for the payor’s retirement and the above said factors.

Does the court consider the assets distributed among the parties by the Divorce Judgement when deciding an application to modify or terminate an alimony obligation upon retirement under NJ alimony laws?

The amended statute states that a court shall not consider assets divided among the litigants for determining the payor’s ability to pay alimony after retirement.

How do I terminate or modify my alimony obligation when I retire under New Jersey alimony laws?

You need to file a motion to modify or terminate alimony or have the other party sign a Consent Order agreeing to do the same.

Call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free initial consultation, if you have any questions concerning alimony and retirement.

Types of Marital Debt

Marital debt consists of the debt incurred by either spouse during the course of the marriage.

Credit card debt is commonly part of marital debt that will be distributed by the court. The general rule is that the full amount of the credit card debt, whichever spouse incurred the debt, is distributed between the parties, though there are exceptions. When only one party has derived a benefit for the expenditure, a court may decide if only that party should be liable for the debt. The court will not go through all charge statements, item by item. If there is a situation where only one spouse has benefited by substantial expenditures, then your attorney will bring that up to the court to have the court consider assessing payment of that particular credit card debt to that spouse.

Mortgages against the marital home or other real property will be distributed in the divorce action as well. There are two typical ways to address the mortgage:

• Sell the real property, pay the mortgage and any proceeds will be divided pursuant to the distribution of marital property made by the court. This can happen right away, or one spouse may stay in the house with the children for a stated period of time before the house is sold.
• One spouse can buy out the interest in the real property from the other spouse and take responsibility for the mortgage, often refinancing the mortgage.

Auto loans are also a common form of marital debt. The rule of thumb is that if you keep the car, you keep the debt along with it.

Types of Separate Debt

The debt incurred by either spouse prior to the marriage comprises separate debt. This debt can include mortgages on separate property, student loans, pre-marriage charge obligations, medical bills and anything else anyone owes to others when they come into the marriage. In considering how to distribute marital debt, a court can consider the amount of separate debt each spouse is carrying.

Factors Applied by the Court to Determine Equitable Distribution of Marital Debt in New Jersey

New Jersey judges have discretion in applying any and all of the sixteen statutory factors set forth in New Jersey Statute. N.J.S.A. 2A:34-23.1. The court having discretion in applying the factors means that it is entirely up to the court how much weight to give each and every factor and any other factors the court believes are relevant in each particular case. This requires the court to have a solid understanding of the parties’ respective financial circumstances during the marriage and at the time of distribution of debt.

Some of the statutory factors are:

• Duration of the marriage
• Property and income brought into the marriage by each party
• Debts and liabilities of each party
• Standard of living established during the marriage
• Income and earning capacity of each party
• Eleven other statutory factors
• Any factor the court find relevant

As with marital debt, distribution of marital debt can be an extremely complicated determination.

If you need to discuss your New Jersey divorce action and equitable distribution of debt in your divorce action, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen for a free initial consultation at 201-845-7400.

Essentially, the argument stemmed from disagreements on how to care for the brother’s elderly parents, particularly after their mother suffered an illness and required more extensive care than could be provided by the children. Nasty emails, text message exchanges and heated conversations culminated into a physical altercation while both men were at the parents’ care home, wherein the defendant physically threatened his brother, and ended up pushing his brother at least 6 times, resulting in two falls and his glasses falling off. The police were called, and the defendant was charged with simple assault. During the initial hearing for a restraining order, the Plaintiff admitted that he believed an order was necessary, and that he had fear for the safety and well-being of himself and his family. He also admitted that, aside from this incident, the brothers did not have any history of domestic violence, although the defendant’s son had also successfully obtained a restraining order against his own father two years earlier. In light of the evidence, the trial court entered a restraining order against defendant, who of course, appealed.

To appeal a trial court’s entry of a restraining order in NJ is not easy, as the appellate court gives great deference to the trial courts findings of fact and conclusions of law. The complaints defendant presented to the court was first, a jurisdictional challenge, stating that the plaintiff did not meet the statutory definition of a victim of domestic violence. Luckily for the plaintiff, the statute had been amended prior to the incident in question, which significantly expanded the definition of a victim under the statute. Previously, the requirement was that the relationship needed to be between current or former members of the same household. The statute was amended to protect anyone over the age of 18 who has been subjected to domestic violence by “any other person who is a present household member or was at any time a household member.” (N.J.S.A. 2C:25-19(d). The court did not spend much time on this argument, finding that the statute intended to include victims just like plaintiff in this case.

The second ground defendant presented were evidentiary issues – that the evidence presented and used was overly prejudicial. Because the defendant was pro se at the trial level (and did not object to the evidence presented), the error was reviewed by the plain error standard, meaning a reversal would occur only for an error that was clearly capable of producing an unjust result. The appellate court acknowledged that, in obtaining a New Jersey Restraining Order, while evidence of previous history of domestic violence is allowed, there can be no evidence regarding a defendant’s past altercations with others, and therefore, the testimony that plaintiff provided concerning the relationship between defendant and his son in another altercation was not permitted under the statute. Furthermore, there was an error in plaintiff’s testimony in that he never established that his testimony was based on his personal knowledge, and was therefore, inadmissible hearsay. Given the fact that the trial judge based his ruling on the prior history between the parties, and that the evidence attempting to show this relationship was inadmissible, the appellate court found that there was insufficient evidence to uphold the issuance of the restraining order, and thus reversed the order.

The court also addressed the final point of contention presented by the defendant – that the evidence presented did not hold up under the current case law required to get a final New Jersey restraining order under the Silver case. The court must find that there was first, an offense under the statute, and also a basis to conclude the safety of the victim is threatened and that in order to prevent further danger, a restraining order is necessary. In this case, the trial judge found that the offenses committed by the defendant were harassment and simple assault. First, on the issue of harassment, the appellate court agreed that the defendant definitely sent repetitive text messages with offensive context, but they analyzed whether the defendant sent these messages with the requisite intent to harass. The evidence presented to the judge at trial was one-sided, with plaintiff’s responses almost entirely blurred out. Therefore, the court is unable to determine whether the context of the entire conversation is enough to show that the defendant was sending harassing messages, with the purpose to harass. There was no evidence that plaintiff ever asked him to stop sending messages, or indeed, that he was ever even alarmed or fearful of the content. While the exchanges between the brothers might have been vulgar, unpleasant and offensive, the court of appeals held that it did not go far enough to warrant the commission of an offense of harassment, and so, this finding was reversed.

As for the simple assault, the defendant’s agreement that he shoved plaintiff to the point where he was knocked to the ground, that a finding of simple assault is supported by the evidence. Therefore, the first prong – the finding of a commission of an offense in the statute – is satisfied. The second prong in Silver requires that the defendant must have wanted to abuse or control the victim. Given the fact that the evidence of any prior history between the parties had already been dismissed by the court, that the plaintiff followed the defendant outside to continue the argument, and the incomplete nature of the text messages, plaintiff is unable to carry the burden propounded to him by this second prong of the Silver case.

This case offers a good lesson when parties attempt to get a New Jersey restraining order: the statute is broad when it comes to potential victims of domestic violence, encouraging those at the receiving end of threats and violence to ask for relief. But, it also shows the dangers of a party attempting to represent themselves, and how important but confusing getting proper evidence before the court can be. It is important to seek out legal counsel in any case, but particularly in complex matters of evidence and procedure.

If you have more questions on the complexities and overall process of how to get a New Jersey restraining order, contact the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen for a free initial consultation at 201-845-7400. With over 20 years of experience, he can guide you through this process, and any other issues that arise in matters of family and domestic law.

Over a period of 8 years, the parties lived together, with Michael working long hours, Bernice conducting minor repairs on the property, taking care of their rental portfolio, and raising their child full-time. The relationship was fraught with disagreements and arguments, but eventually, in 2010, the parties finally married. Their honeymoon period was short-lived, and the relationship deterioriated quickly, with angry words and some nasty emails exchanged. In one email, Michael acknowledged the sacrifice that Bernice had made in order for him to pursue his career, and wrote that she should be fairly compensated and taken care of for such an act. Eighteen months after they said ‘I Do,’ Michael filed for divorce. The parties reached a settlement agreement, and it did not include any potential bonus from the company (IBG), particularly because Michael stated that there was no guarantee, and certainly no amount of money that was specifically discussed. While Bernice was aware of this statement of understanding, she was under the impression that Michael would allow her to share in any bonus he might receive, given his words and behaviors over the entire course of their relationship.

As luck would have it, just three month’s after the final judgment of divorce between the parties, IBG was sold and Thieme received a whopping $2.25 million as a Closing Bonus from the company. Not surprisingly, Bernice filed suit for her share of said bonus. In both the trial and appellate courts, the equitable distribution statute was examined fully. The court held that the equitable distribution statute concerned only the time of marriage, with no recognition of any partnership prior to ‘I Do.’ Therefore, the concept of palimony in New Jersey in this case would not apply. Palimony would be any payment to a person who cohabited with another as consideration for various sacrifices or agreements between the parties during their relationship.  But, because the parties did get married, palimony in New Jersey was unavailable to  Bernice. Therefore, she was ultimately being awarded around $30,000.00 of the bonus – or less than 2 percent. But, at the Supreme Court, the inquiry did not end there. Bernice argued that, under principles of equity, their long period of cohabitation should entitle her to a better share of the bonus in exchange for the sacrifice she had made to Michael to raise their child, maintain their home, and allow him to pursue his career. While the Supreme Court agreed that the equitable distribution statute was correctly interpreted and that it does not govern property between parties who have cohabited but never married, the court agreed that principles of equity demanded an examination into Bernice’s argument of unjust enrichment. Under this theory, Bernice would need to show that Michael received a benefit, and it would be unjust for him to retain the benefit without some compensation to her. If this is shown, then the court can impose a constructive trust on property to ensure compensation to the plaintiff. The court relied heavily on the case  Carr v. Carr, 120 N.J. 336 (1990) in delivering its rationale. There, the wife claimed that she should receive an equitable distribution of assets because the husband ended up dying during their lengthy divorce proceedings, and a judgment was never actually entered. The court agreed, imposing a constructive trust because the estate should not contain the share which would benefit Mrs. Carr because it would be unjust enrichment.

The court determined that because the case between Bernice and Michael was fairly unusual, a constructive trust should be imposed. The parties relied upon the promise of the company that he would be generously compenstaed in the event it was sold, seen in the decision to focus on the growth of Michael’s career to the determine of Bernice’s. During the relationship, Michael consistently refused to seek out less demanding employment, to the chagrin of Bernice, who was not able to work outside the home. She took on the lion’s share of domestic work, including cooking, cleaning, paying bills and even repairing their home. Michael explicitly recognized this contribution of Bernice in one of their email exchanges, agreeing to support her. Even if he never said he would give her a share of the bonus, his actions and words indicated otherwise. Therefore, the court ordered that Bernice should get some share, via constructive trust, of the Closing Bonus, although it was remanded to the court for the final percentages and calculations. This case is a great example showing that a court will employ the doctrine of quantum meruit, or an equitable remedy, if one party would be unjustly enriched – even if they were married and the statutory guidelines concerning property division during marriage are inappliable.

Palimony in New Jersey is equitable relief not often employed, but as shown by this case, will remain an option for courts to employ in the interest of justice and to avoid an unfair result. If you and your spouse cohabitated for a lengthy period before ultimately tying the knot and you are facing a divorce, contact the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen for a free initial consultation at 201-845-7400. With over 20 years of experience, he can guide you through the often surprising world of family law.

In this case, parents of the child, Caitlyn, agreed to emancipate her when she left her mother’s home to live with her grandparents at 19. Having been divorced since Caitlyn was 4, both parties filed a consent order terminating child support. Caitlyn intervened, asking to vacate the emancipation order and also requesting an order for her parents to provide funds so she could attend college. The appellate court goes over the record at length, with both intervenor and the other parties disagreeing as to the family dynamics which led Caitlyn to live with her grandparents.

The mother alleged that Caitlyn smoked marijuana, had trouble with alcohol, was sexually promiscuous and essentially failed to follow the rules imposed on her in her mother’s home. Caitlyn stated she simply did not fit in with either her mother or father’s new family, and to ease tensions, decided to live with her grandparents. Caitlyn’s father corroborated this view, stating Caitlyn had not spoken to either parent for over six months, missed family birthdays, and asserted that he opposed her moving in with his parents, as he himself was estranged from them and felt they were a root cause for Caitlyn’s rebellion.

Previously, both parents had agreed they would pay $5,000 for Caitllyn’s education after she was accepted to Montclair State University. However, this changed when it was determined that Caitlyn was not ready to live away from home, and thus should attend a community college. The defendant paid for summer and fall 2012 tuition and Caitlyn was accepted into the Disney college program in Florida. Both parents decided to support her as a test to determine if she was ready to live away from home. However, within a month, Caitlyn was expelled due to underage drinking and hosting a party in the dorms. Caitlyn asserts that she was kicked out after returning from Florida, and was willing to work with her parents in re-enrolling in community college and working, to an extent. At the time of trial, she was attending community college full-time and also earning over $400 each week waitressing. The trial judge ordered the parents to pay the costs of community college for one year. Eventually, Caitlyn enrolled in an out-of-state four-year public university and insisted her parents subsidize her tuition for this endeavor and left open the question of future matriculation.  The issue then became whether, and to what extent, her parents could be held liable for tuition at her new university – and essentially, whether she met the requirements for emancipation in NJ.

To determine emancipation of a child in New Jersey is a fact-intensive analysis. According to the Newburgh case, “the essential inquiry is whether the child has moved beyond the sphere of influence and responsibility exercised by a parent and obtains an independent status of his or her own.” There is a prima facie proof of emancipation once a child has reached the age of majority, although this presumption can be rebutted, such as by a showing that the child is in full-time education. However, there is no requirement under Newburgh for a child to be supported, and thus, deferred emancipation, if they are unable to adequately perform in their education. The appellate court goes on to say that there must be a strong analysis of the relationship between the parent and child, and that there must be, at least to some extent, acceptance of parental guidance (which should be measured). Otherwise, if the court finds that the child is wholly independent from a parent’s influence, this would support a finding of emancipation in NJ. Given the fact that Caitlyn asserts her behavior is mild, and normal things a teenager would do, while her parents state that she voluntarily left the home, refused to accept any guidance or influence from her parents, shows that there is a material dispute of a crucial fact. Additionally, the court notes that the mere fact a child makes the decision to pursue a college education does not mean that this a dependency which would allow them to be unemancipated.  Ultimately, on appeal, the court could find no evidence in the record showing that the court had adequately determined if Caitlyn had fulfilled the requirements for emancipation in NJ, and thus remanded these issues to the lower court.

However, the court continued by providing more guidance once the issue of Caitlyn had fulfilled the requirements for emancipation in New Jersey was decided. Whether a parent is obligated to pay college tuition, and the child is unemancipated, the court must engage in a two-part analysis. First, there must be a consideration of whether there are other equitable considerations that would lean against a parent paying costs, such as the child’s refusal for the parent to be involved in the choice of schools, and a continued examination of the parent-child relationship. Second, the court must determine whether the parents are actually able to pay any costs, and it is not merely a consideration of the parental incomes. Rather, other financial obligations, such as other minor children, and other debts, should be considered, as well as any contribution from the college student, like financial aid or scholarships.

Overall, for a court to determine whether a child fulfills all aspects of emancipation in NJ is an incredibly fact-intensive and evidence-heavy inquiry. The court here does appear to indicate that there needs to be a trade-off from the child to the parents should the child be found unemancipated and should the parents be ordered to pay for tuition: there should be a firm relationship and the parent should not merely be a bank, and the parent should have the ability to guide and influence the child. There must be an element of dependency – and not just financially – on the parents by the child. If you have any questions concerning emancipation and a parent‘s obligation to contribute to college costs, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen for a free initial consultation.

In this case, C.S. v. B.S., the parties made an agreement, later ordered by the court, to share the photos and videos taken during the 25 year marriage, all of which were in the possession of the wife. The wife provided the husband with only a few photos of his boyhood, one of which was ripped into pieces. Before bringing a court action, the husband attempted to get the wife to comply with the Order to share marital photos, and she responded by saying that she had gotten rid of all photos  because she did not want to be reminded of him. The photos and videos were kept in a big footlocker and various boxes at the former marital home, so they were nowhere the wife would have been regularly seeing them.

These photos and videos disposed of by the wife included their child’s birth, weddings, graduations, family celebrations and various family parties and gatherings, of great sentimental value. The husband brought this action seeking a remedy for the wife’s failure to comply with the court’s order to share the marital photos and videos and her, in fact, having disposed of it all.

At the hearing, the wife made various claims. One claim was that she did give the husband photographs for the marriage, after her unilaterally deciding what was his, and that she then got rid of “her” share of the photos and videos. She stated that she did this before the parties were divorced which lacked credibility in that the parties’ settlement agreement included a paragraph about sharing the photos. That would have been unnecessary were there no photos or videos to share. The court did not believe the wife’s testimony and ultimately awarded the husband $5,000 as damages for the loss of personal property with nothing but sentimental value. Keep in mind that this was not the loss of a few photographs or videos over 25 years, but the complete destruction of all documented memories and important events of the marriage. Everything lost, at the sole discretion of the wife’s animosity toward the husband. NJ Family Law simply does not tolerate such conduct.

The court discusses the need for the existing duty of parties to a divorce action to deal with each other in good faith, and to deal with each other fairly. Without this duty, there would be no way to ensure “fairness and equity in the dissolution of marriages.”  The courts do not want one party to put the other in a disadvantageous position by failing to deal in good faith and with fairness to each other, whatever emotions and animosity there is between the divorcing parties.

The court goes through the three possible scenarios of how these photos and videos were disposed of, because it was not apparent from the testimony as the wife was inconsistent and hesitant in her testimony:

• The wife may have disposed of the photos/videos after entry into the settlement agreement between the parties, thus violating the agreement.

• The second option discussed by the court is disposal prior to entering into the agreement. This option presents both the failure to act in good faith in maintaining marital property during a divorce proceeding and her actions in negotiating and signing the agreement shows misrepresentation because she could not possibly honor the photo/video provision of the agreement.

• The third option discussed by the court is the interesting perspective that the photos/videos were not destroyed at all and remain under the control of the wife. In this case, she has violated the terms of the settlement agreement and court order, and has interfered with the husband legal rights to a portion of the property.

Possible Remedies for Wife’s Breaching Husband’s Rights Under New Jersey Family Law

• Specific Performance: A mechanism by which a party has the court force the other party to do what is promised. Here, if there are no photos/videos to provide, specific performance cannot occur.

• Compensatory Damages: Payment for the cost or value of the personal property lost. Here, personal photos and videos have no real market or replacement value, so this method will neither compensate the husband for his loss, or penalize the wife for her wrongful conduct.

• Sanction: Financial penalty for wrongdoing of various sorts.

• No Award of Compensation: No compensation to the husband, which is not a viable remedy because it could encourage violations of the duty of good faith and fair dealing, and the husband has experienced a loss of significance to him.

Because equity, the principles of fairness, will not suffer a wrong without a remedy, the court fashions a remedy in an effort to compensate the husband for his loss.  The court awards $5,000 to the husband, stating that it does not matter whether the amount is deemed compensatory damages or financial sanction, or a hybrid of both. If you have any questions about NJ Family Law, call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400.

The facts of the instant case are as follows: The mother, or plaintiff, separated from the father (the defendant) after having two children with him. The divorce case was filed and there was an interim order concerning custody, parenting time and support entered in October, with the case to be continued sometime in December, 2016. Five days before the continuance was scheduled, the mother filed a domestic violence complaint against the father, saying he had slapped her in the face after an argument concerning their children. The continuance was further delayed in light of the domestic violence proceedings, and the parties each appeared for the final hearing in the complaint. The plaintiff asserted her facts, and the defendant denied them. Therefore, the court had to determine the credibility of each of the witnesses, rather than relying on the testimony of eyewitnesses or videos. The court must start with a blank slate in these ‘he said/she said’ situations in order to be the most objective finder of fact possible. However, the burden of proof is on the plaintiff to show that the defendant violated NJ domestic violence laws, although they must only show the court that there is a preponderance of evidence of such a violation, or that it is more likely than not that the defendant committed violence against the plaintiff.

Some things that a court will use in order to determine which witness is more credible, and therefore, whose testimony is more persuasive are things like their demeanor, body language, eye contact, or the consistency of their statements as they testify. Of course, it is common for different people to have different perceptions about what happened, and therefore not be intentionally misleading the court. The court in this case recognized that possibility, and acknowledged that the court must take this into account when analyzing the testimony presented.

Next, the court noted that when there are allegations of a defendant violating NJ domestic violence laws in a case, there are fact-intensive inquiries to determine whether a statute has been violated, such as that of harassment. Applying these concepts to the case at hand, the court determined that the plaintiff’s credibility was not impeached, nor was her testimony tinged with any embellishment. The court found the defendant’s testimony, on the other hand, less convincing, citing him as hesitant, and pointing out that he admitted he was angry at the time of the incident.

The next consideration for the court was to determine whether a domestic violence action is filed because the act of violence occurred or in order to benefit their own case and further their own agenda in the ancillary family court case. The court does an excellent analysis and comparison to the leading case in the matter concerning NJ domestic violence laws: Murray v. Murray. Essentially, the Murray case found that although the husband insulted the wife, it was not sufficient to reach the level of domestic violence, and recognized the potential for abuse of the Domestic Violence Act in New Jersey to get the upper hand in a divorce matter. Therefore, the court instructed trial courts that in cases when a domestic violence complaint is filed concurrent with another family court proceeding, the court has to acknowledge the possibility of the improper filing of such a complaint to secure a dominant position in any companion case. The Murray court was especially cautious of the possibility under the Act for defendants to be ordered to pay support, relinquish possession of the marital home, and other financial relief, which would be an enticing incentive for plaintiffs to seek in domestic violence cases. Crucially, there is a presumption in New Jersey that the best interests of a child in a custody case would be best suited under an award of custody to the parent who is not abusive. Therefore, as the Court in A.S. noted, in addition to the analysis of the witness’s demeanor and the facts and circumstances of the case, the court should also consider whether there is a connection between the domestic violence complaint and whether it was filed for any particular strategy or benefit in a contingent case, although under no circumstances should the court believe there is a presumption of such a motivation.

The court in this case also used the analysis in Silver v. Silver, which requires a two-pronged analysis. First, the trial court considered and determined that the defendant committed an act of domestic violence against the plaintiff. The NJ domestic violence laws specifically list assault and harassment as actions which constitute domestic violence – and even a slap would fall under this criterion. Next, the court has to determine if there is a danger to any person or property which would warrant a final restraining order in order to prevent additional abuse in the future. Because the parties were arguing over their children, in particular, the current child custody arrangements, and they are in continued litigation, the court determined that there was a possibility that violence could precipitate down the line as the case continued and the relationship remained adversarial. Thus, in light of all the considerations, the court determined that the plaintiff was entitled to the entry of a final protective order. If you have any questions about New Jersey domestic violence laws, call the Law offices of Peter Van Aulen for a free initial consultation.

Recognize the origin of your pain

You can’t heal negative emotions unless you understand where they originate. During a NJ divorce, people imagine their anxiety stems from the other person involved. They rarely see they create stress and trauma with their thoughts. There’s no denying your spouse might have done and said things that made you want them out of your life. However, the way you deal with feelings, and those you encourage to arise, is up to you.

You contribute to painful emotions when you justify why you need a divorce. Negative thoughts involving blame ruin any chance of positivity and leave you reeling. Recognize your spouse isn’t making you entertain thoughts that leave you depressed. It’s time to take back the power to create the emotions you want.

Slow down momentum

By the time you go through a painful divorce, the energy of negativity is flowing. At present, there’s an emotional wheel spinning, fueled by distressing thoughts. The more upset you are, the more momentum is created. To gain clarity and a calm mind, you need to slow the wheel down. You need to stop qualifying why you are distressed.

When thoughts about why you need a divorce arise, give yourself a pep talk, which might go like this:

“What happened is behind me. I choose to move into the present, where I am learning to cope with each moment as it comes. I know that if I go over my painful past, I keep it going. I decide to let it go and look at what’s before me now. My only job is to deal with how I interact with what’s happening this second or to plan for a bright future. By mostly staying present, and occasionally thinking ahead, I give myself the gift of a clear, calm mind.”

When you look ahead, be aware of the strength of having made a positive decision to improve life. Let the realization of having taken control empower you. Even if divorcing wasn’t your idea, know you can govern your future. Also, know the way you perceive your relationship will always color your emotional health. See your divorce as contributing to personal growth rather than your downfall.

Staying calm while you go through a divorce will be tough if you attribute your feelings to your spouse. Once you know you are in charge of your thoughts and the feelings to which they contribute, your confidence and ability to cope will expand. If there’s a momentum of negativity flowing, slow it down by moving into the present. Use positive self-talk to shift your mental state to a higher level. You can find clarity and peace by dropping thoughts of blame and opting to leave the past behind. If you have any questions concerning your NJ divorce call the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for a free initial consultation.

Silver v. Silver – Two-Step Test for NJ Restraining Orders

Silver v. Silver is a seminal New Jersey case that articulates the two-step test that a court applies in determining whether to order a FRO. First, the defendant must have committed an offense (called a predicate act) that is prohibited by the New Jersey Prevention of Domestic Violence Act. Second, the court must find that a FRO is necessary to protect the Plaintiff from future harm or threats of violence.

A.M.C. v. P.B.  – The Facts

It is the second step of determining whether to make the NJ restraining order a permanent one, and the second step of the Silver test that is at issue in the October 21, 2016 New Jersey case of A.M.C. v. P.B. In A.M.C., a wife sought and received a TRO against her husband, a NJ police officer. At the FRO hearing the wife and her estranged husband were present, and the wife alleged that her husband had assaulted her on at least two separate occasions during a three-week period that culminated in her fleeing their home to seek refuge at a women’s shelter and that he verbally threatened to harm her in the future. The husband denied the allegations.

Applying Silver, Step One

At the hearing, in addition to her testimony the wife presented photographic evidence of her bruises. The judge found the photos to be credible and based on that evidence he found that the husband had committed the act of assault on his wife, satisfying the first step of the Silver test.

A.M.C. v. P.B. – Finding of Assault But Denying FRO

The trial judge did not, however, find that a FRO was necessary to protect the wife from future harm or threats of violence, despite finding that the husband had assaulted his wife on multiple occasions. In denying the FRO, the trial judge stated that his rationale for concluding that a FRO was not necessary to protect the wife was based on: 1) the short (1 year) duration of the parties marriage, 2) the fact that the parties had no children and thus would not have to co-parent and sustain a parental relationship of some sort going forward, 3)  that the defendant had not been served with the TRO until a few days before the FRO hearing and had not contacted his wife during this time anyway. The wife appealed the trial court’s denial of the FRO.

A.M.C. v. P.B. – Appeals Court Reverses

The appeals court reversed the trial court decision and ordered that a final NJ restraining order be issued. It found that the trial court misapplied the Silver test. The holding on appeal found that the trial court improperly considered the short length of the parties marriage and the couple’s lack of children as mitigating factors that the trial court considered in determining that the plaintiff did not require the future protection of the FRO. The appeals court found that the Prevention of Domestic Violence Act did not contain these mitigating factors.

A.M.C. v. P.B. – Inherently Violent Offenses and Protection from Future Harm

Further, the appeals court found that the trial court failed to consider the “inherently violent” nature of the offenses committed (the two assaults). Inherently violent here is arguably contrasted with another offense, like verbal harassment, as opposed to causing physical harm. The court held that when it finds that an inherently violent offense was committed, the decision of whether to issue a FRO is often “perfunctory and self-evident.” What this opinion means, in practice, is that when considering whether the plaintiff needs continuing protection from future harm, the court will heavily weigh the inherently violent nature of the offense. The court in this opinion is stating that in these violent cases, the FRO should generally be issued.

The New Jersey case of A.M.C. v. P.B. will make it more likely than not that victims of domestic violence will receive the protection of a more permanent NJ restraining order when they have been victims of inherently violent offenses like assault. If you need assistance with obtaining or defending against a NJ restraining order, please contact the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen today for a free initial consultation to discuss your case.

Sources

Silver v. Silver, 387 N.J. Super. 112 (2006).

A.M.C. v. P.B.

New Jersey Prevention of Domestic Violence Act

P.S. v. J.S.

In the November 2016 case of P.S. v. J.S., the judge dealt with the question of whether the child in question should be considered “gifted” and thus have the child support her parent pays increased to provide additional money in order to pay for the expenses required to pursue her talent.

The parents in that case were in a dispute about the payment of expenses related to her acting activities. The Plaintiff currently pays the Defendant $113 per week in child support. The dispute here is that the Defendant wants the Plaintiff to pay additional funds as child support to help cover the cost of all extracurricular activities, “including but not limited to theater-related costs.” The Plaintiff objects to paying the additional support, arguing that those costs are already included in the child support that he pays.

Entertainment Costs – Covered By Guidelines

In general, guideline-level child support in NJ factors in the cost of entertainment expenses. Those expenses include things like fees for membership to sports activities, pets, video games, and recreational or social events. The Guidelines have an additional provision that allows for a court to add additional child support funds to pay for the costs associated with the development and special needs of a “gifted” child.

Child Support in NJ – Who Is “Gifted”?

The Child Support Guidelines do not define what a “gifted” child is, and the judge in this case points out that the term can be vague and broad. The court finds that there are four general areas of giftedness: academics; athletics; technology and the arts. While the first three categories have the benefit of data to backup a claim of giftedness (test scores, statistics, etc.), the judge explains that the arts are much more subjective. The judge in a case such as this can not be the sole arbiter of whether a child’s art is “good” or “not good” in order to make a determination of whether the child is gifted.

The judge noted that a parent may hire an expert in the field in question to testify as to whether his or her child is considered gifted, but that hiring such an expert is impractical since the cost would likely be more than the amount of additional support in dispute, and there is no guarantee that the expert will have an opinion that is any more valid than that of the court.

In this case, based on interviews with the child, the court found that the child was gifted based on, “…her inherently extraordinary drive, desire, focus and commitment to act and perform on stage at her young age in the first place.” It is noteworthy that the judge in this case goes on for some length in the opinion to expound on the drive, determination, and genuine love that the child seems to have for acting.

So, in the case of P.S. v. J.S., the court found that the child was in fact “gifted” as an actress; and that as such additional funds could be added to her child support to help pay for the costs associated with her acting.

Amount of Additional Child Support for a Gifted Child

Once decided that a child qualifies as “gifted” for child support purposes, the court must determine an appropriate level of additional support to be paid by the parents towards the expenses of the child’s pursuit of his or her gift. The opinion in this case is quick to point out that a ruling of this type should not put the parents in a difficult financial position. To this point, the judge writes that “no matter how gifted a child may be, no parent should be compelled to spend more than he or she can reasonably afford.“ The child’s gifts or talents should only be financially supported to an “economically reasonable” extent given the financial position of the parents.

In this case, the judge found that the costs incurred for the benefit of the child’s gift may be several hundred dollars per year, and may include things like clothing, travel, coaching, and makeup. The judge found that each parent should contribute $250 per year toward the child’s acting expenses.

The judge placed a caution in the opinion of this case for those paying child support in NJ who may think that the ruling allows them to request additional funds for activities that their child enjoys. The Court emphasized that this case does not mean that a parent must pay additional support for some activity that a child likes. There is a distinction between an extracurricular activity and a talent or gift. In fact, the court here denied part of the Defendant’s request for payment of half of all “extracurricular activities” because those are already taken into consideration by the base child support payment. The judge also cautioned that cases like these must be decided on a case-by-case basis with special attention paid to the individual circumstances of the child and the parents’ ability to pay additional support for the child.

If you need assistance with the payment of additional child support in NJ, call the Law Office of Peter Van Aulen today for a free initial consultation to discuss the best options for your particular case.