The terms “50B” and “50C” come from the laws that outline these options, NC General Statutes 50B and 50C. Every county has an office that will help you file for either a 50B or 50C, and you can reach that office by calling your local courthouse. But a 50B and a 50C are different orders – how do you know which to file? What happens when someone violates them?

What is a 50B? 

 A 50B is an order against a perpetrator who you have had a close, personal relationship with who has committed or threatened domestic violence against you or your child.

The 50B statute lists the people who you can file against. These include a current or former spouse; a person of the opposite sex you live with or have lived with; your parent or child or someone like a grandparent or grandchild who you’ve had a parent or child relationship with; someone you have a child in common with; a current or former household member; or a person of the opposite sex with whom you have a current or past dating relationship.

In M.E. v. T.J. (275 N.C. App. 528 (Dec. 31, 2020)), the NC Supreme Court held that you could also file against a person of the same sex who you are or were in a dating relationship with. A dating relationship is when “the parties are romantically involved over time and on a continuous basis during the course of the relationship.”

What is a 50C?

A 50C can be filed against anyone who doesn’t meet one of the categories for a 50B and who has stalked, harassed, threatened, or attacked you or committed some other illegal behavior toward you. Both a 50B and a 50C can only be filed against someone who is 16 or older.

Punishments for 50B     

A court order wouldn’t be much protection if there wasn’t some sort of punishment for violating it. The punishment for violation is the other major difference between a 50B and a 50C. Because the perpetrator of a 50B is closer to the victim, the legislature decided that there needed to be harsher punishments to keep the perpetrator away from the victim.

Violating a 50B is automatically a class A1 misdemeanor, which is a crime. This means that the perpetrator can be arrested for violating a 50B and can be sentenced to serve time in prison and/or receive a fine. If a perpetrator violates a 50B order that requires them to stay out of your residence, then the police have to arrest them. If a perpetrator violates the 50B twice or comes into a safe house for victims of domestic violence, then the violation is a felony.

Punishments for 50C

Violating a 50C puts a person in contempt, which is not automatically a crime. You will have to file a Motion for contempt and get an Order to Show Cause from the court so the court will punish the perpetrator for their violation. The perpetrator gets a chance to explain themselves to the judge. The judge will then decide whether to hold them in contempt and whether to reprimand them, put them in jail, charge them a fine, or some combination of the three.

Options for Protection

Whether you qualify for a 50B or a 50C, if you are being abused, stalked, or harassed, you have options for protection. Contact your local court to file for either a 50B or 50C and then contact a family law attorney to help you through the rest of the process. If you are being abused at home, also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or text SMART to 88788.

Red Dog Farm is an incredible nonprofit organization that deserves your support. Dwight and I were thoroughly vetted before we were allowed to adopt Lilly. In our search for a kitty, we visited with the SPCA in Greensboro and met several kitties, including some kittens. Dwight was committed to only senior cats, but I must say two little gray kittens were enticing.

We then moved our search to the Crooked Tail Cat Café in Greensboro – another fantastic place. Dwight and I were early, so we engaged in lattes at the café. One has to reserve an hour to play with the kitties at the café, in a separate room. Only a few persons are permitted in the kitty area at a time. Founded in 2017, this café is creating smiles. The kitties in this café are spoiled – which is a compliment to Red Dog Farm, who started this cat café. We arrived early, so the latte was optimal to wait for time with the kitties. A two-year-old orange male Tabby named Ace  (a Garfield want-a-be) was considered, but he mostly wanted to sleep in his window bed shaped like a spaceship – so the play was limited. We left at the end of our precious hour in cat heaven.

Then the call came. Red Dog Farms had Lilly, and we fell in love with her sweet picture. Having been approved to adopt from Red Dog Farms generally, we applied to meet Lilly. She was being fostered in a High Point pet store – but she was in a large room, not a cage. Whew! She arrived at our home, and she was very needy for attention. She was not shy as one might expect from a kitty in a new environment but needed petting 24/7. Since January 11, Princess Lilly Latte has become somewhat less needy, but still abundantly affectionate. She is curious and a great jumper. She loves to climb.

Lilly is a mackerel – no not a fish! A mackerel tabby is a pattern for the fur of the cat. A mackerel tabby has markings that run perpendicular to the kitty’s spine. The tail and legs are ringed. Some call them a tiger cat. Many different breeds can be referred to as a mackerel tabby pattern, such as the Maine Coon and Norwegian Forest Cat.

She was Lilly on her cat records, but to us – she is Princess Lilly Latte. Latte stems from the Crooked Tail Cat Café experience. Princess comes from her command of the stage. She will undoubtedly snub her nose at food she doesn’t like and walk away. And it is really hard to find what the Princess likes other than catnip treats.

‘Til next time for another Princess Lilly Latte tail – or is it tale?

Hugs,

Carolyn

Note: Our North Carolina Divorce Lawyers Blog has a fascinating article on the topic of pets as property in divorce. Learn more here.

She was born April 4, 1928, in St. Louis, Missouri, but her parents’ divorce sent her to grandma’s house at age three. Grandma was Annie Henderson of Stamps, Arkansas. In 1931, the United States was still in the Great Depression. According to the 1930 Census, Stamps had a population of 2,564. It was a predominantly white community in southwestern Arkansas along the St. Louis Southwestern Railway. The Caddo Indians were the original settlers. 

Grandma Anna was an entrepreneur who owned and operated a general store used mainly by blacks in the community, as was typical for that unfortunate era. Desegregation had not yet happened. Anna took in three-year-old Maya and her brother. Maya learned much from observations at the general store. She counted the money in the store, when little did she know she would be on a quarter herself one day. Maya excelled in math skills from her practical learning. While it is unclear to me what formal education was available in Stamps, Maya always had a love for language, and she was exceptional. The freedom of her writing speaks of the early exposure to the grandmother’s entrepreneurial spirit.  

One has to believe that her early reading came from the Bible, given that Grandma Anna was religious. Anna’s discipline and character involved work, duty, and religion. Let’s face it. Writing takes discipline. While the undisciplined only talk about writing a great novel or poem, Maya did it. The musicality of some of Maya’s writing has a Psalms-like undertone.

That innovative spirit never left the writing of Maya. With originality, a free-flowing of creative thought allowed poetry to abound. “A rock, a river, a tree…” The pain is evident in her famous I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings. A cage is a jail of oppression, so why does the prisoner sing. 

This child of divorce – Maya Angelou – overcame parents who divorced. Did I mention that Grandma Anna also was divorced three times and was single when Maya came to live with her at age three? Divorce was uncommon in the early twentieth century, so think about Maya’s instability. Yet, her grandma’s entrepreneurial spirit enhanced Maya’s gifts and gave her character of innovation and duty. What a small country store can teach with a great grandmother!

(Note: The sexual abuse endured by Maya will be the subject of another blog, and I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings will be discussed more fully.)

Reference: Biggers, J. Still I Rise: The Biography of Maya Angelou. (2014) Kindle.

It is cause to pause for a sober moment over the apparent suicide death of fellow North Carolina lawyer Cheslie Kryst. She was the director of diversity for Poyner Spruill LLP law firm in Charlotte, North Carolina. At age 30, she had accomplished much. She had a Juris Doctor and MBA from Wake Forest University. She, of course, was Miss North Carolina USA and Miss USA in 2019. Her pro bono work for the incarcerated was notable.

While her apparent jump from the 29th floor of her apartment building in NYC needs to be investigated, her last Instagram post seemed to be a silent last cry for help and a resignation. She posted: “May this day bring you rest and peace,” followed by a red heart. She blogged at whitecollarglam, but she had not posted since August 18, 2021. Her merchandise is “sold out,” and everything new is is “sold out.”  Was this a sign of withdrawal? What caused her to go into such a deep depression that her glamourous life was not worth living? What was that last straw?

Divorce and family feuds create stressors, and some are vulnerable to suicide. 

While I don’t know yet if that was a factor for Cheslie, it has been a factor in suicide cases I have seen. Try to be sensitive to your loved ones going through significant stressors: Covid 19 plus a divorce may be someone’s last straw. I have noticed some precipitators for suicide in family law and divorce cases.

• Feelings of hopelessness
• Focus on revenge
• Increased alcohol or drug consumption
• Withdrawal from others
• Threats to hurt oneself

Watch, listen, and care. There are resources.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800-273-8255

Here are some tips based upon frequently asked questions. There are two types of Mediation: in-person and Zoom (or other remote protocol). With Covid, we have had the advent of Zoom, Teams, and WebEx. So here goes:

Dress.

Dress to be comfortable but professional. You make an impression on the mediator, and while that should not affect your case – impressions are subtle and subliminal. Business casual is the preferred dress. There is no reason to recreate the wheel on what business casual means.

Please click here for examples from Indeed.com. While this goes a bit further than required for Mediation, I enjoyed this website. For the video mediation, look at this website.

If you are a lady, wear reasonable makeup. You want to look put together and complete.

Wear some reasonable adornments – be the beautiful person you are. Jewelry can help you feel good about yourself.

Style your hair for the day.

I would dress in layers for a live mediation. You are at Mediation for several hours, and temperatures in law offices can vary during the day.

Snacks.

You will be offered lunch if the Mediation is live. However, days can get long, so bring it with you if you have a favorite snack.

If you have food allergies, please be sure to advise your attorney so that the catered lunch is ordered correctly.

Computer.

If you use a laptop, have it with a charging cable (Live Mediation). Often it is easier to email you drafts to read, even in a live mediation. Of course, you will be on a computer if the Mediation is remote, such as on Zoom.

Reading.

Sometimes the mediator is with the other side for an hour or more. Bring a book you are reading or your kindle to occupy your time when you are not speaking with your attorney or when the mediator is not present with your side.

Child Care.

If you are responsible for picking up children after school, please try to make other arrangements for the Mediation. If you cannot make other arrangements, advise your attorney of this fact at least 14 days before the Mediation to adjust the mediation stop time.

Friends and Family at Mediation.

Talk with your attorney about the wisdom of bringing the person or people you want to bring. While friends and family are not prohibited, there are considerations. Will the person help resolve the case? With COVID, what are vaccine statuses, and what is the size of the conference room for distancing?

Masks.

For safety reasons, we recommend masks for in-person mediations.

Preparation prior to Mediation.

Schedule at least one preparation session and optimally two before the Mediation with your attorney. Have your first offer ready. Know your top reasonable objectives and stick to them.

Finishing.

Finishing a case is a big exhale – relief. Frequently, clients plan a dinner or drinks with a friend for after Mediation to complete the day.

Patience.

Be patient. Rome was not built in a day. Some mediations take more than a day. Sometimes these days are not consecutive.

See you next time,

Carolyn

According to The Suburban Mom blogger Jen Burg, whose blog has featured a variety of expert tips on navigating family life, matching pajamas can help kids feel cozy and relaxed during the holidays and provide an opportunity for fun family bonding activities. She also notes that the pajamas can make for some cute pictures!

The ugly Christmas sweater has earned its place in American lore and has become increasingly popular in recent years. It even has a special national day! The third Friday in December is known as National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day. It is a day when people don their best, most hideous, sweaters to bring joy and laughter to all they meet.

As his autobiography was aptly named, Colin Powell’s life truly represented “My American Journey.” He grew up in the Bronx with immigrant parents from Jamaica. His childhood exemplified the melting pot experience of our country. Mr. Powell’s success and understanding of our nation stemmed from his youth, where he was surrounded by many cultures.

His education came from the public school system, including Morris High School in the South Bronx and City College in New York City. His success story was deeply rooted in the fiber of diversity and hard work, which our immigrant nation has long embraced.

One of my favorite leadership quotes comes from Mr. Powell, “Leadership is solving problems.” This quote has always stuck with me, and I think of his words even today. He was often blunt and to the point when speaking. He was known for what journalists termed the “Powell Doctrine,” which recommended “overpowering and decisive force” when exercising American military force. This strategy led to success in the Gulf War and in other conflicts.

For nearly four decades, Mr. Powell was often the subject of dinner table conversations throughout America, as he guided our nation through many conflicts during his service in the U.S. military. Mr. Powell steadily rose in rank in the U.S. Army, where he served from 1958-1993. He joined ROTC during his first year in college and ultimately became a four-star General. He served as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and, following his retirement from the military, was appointed to the role of Secretary of State under President George W. Bush in 2001.

Mr. Powell was a diplomat who served his country. He was a trailblazer who paved the way for diverse leadership in America. Among the many ‘firsts’ of his career, he broke racial barriers in becoming National Security Advisor, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and Secretary of State.

The global pandemic has impacted our nation and world in ways that we cannot yet comprehend. This week we lost a leader who was considered one of the “most admired Americans” for his ability through the years to guide us through many conflicts. Mr. Powell died of complications from COVID-19. His legacy will be remembered through his writings, his teachings, and his family.

Sources: AP Newswire, New York Times, Wikipedia, https://www.jcs.mil/About/The-Joint-Staff/Chairman/General-Colin-Luther-Powell/

Single parent poverty is a harsh reality that has a significant impact on families. Twenty-five percent of all families in America are single-parent households. Our country has more than three times the rate of single-parent households than others around the world. Looking deeper into the statistics shows that 80% of single-parent families are headed by the mother, with a poverty rate of 34%. (Chamie, 2021)

The United States Department of Agriculture surveys households annually to determine levels of food insecurity. In 2020, 10.5% of households experienced some food insecurity. When you factor in the rates for households headed by single parents, the rate is much higher at 27.7% for households headed by a single mom and 16.3% for households headed by a single dad. (USDA, n.d.)

Afghans have experienced 40 years of prolonged violence, according to Anasuya (2017). Given the 40-year conflict, few persons remember a time of no conflict. Indeed, there are few adults of fighting age that remember a time of peace. There is institutional violence, and one can focus on little else – much less productivity. The mental strain precludes substantial productivity, particularly in such sustained violence. Domestic violence breeds domestic violence.

Even before the fall of the government in August 2021 and the takeover of the Taliban, education was tenuous for girls, but education was improving. The Taliban have traditionally not permitted education for girls, but before the August takeover, the World Education News+Reviews (2016) reported that 39% of the students were female. The adult literacy rate is only 38%, severely below the international average age of 84% (Work Education News+Reviews). All this progress for girls is lost. With the overall absence of literacy, few can read the Qur’an holy book.

Let’s look at poverty. According to World Bank Data, the Gross Domestic Product of Afghanistan is only $20 billion with a per capita GDP of only $574.18 per person. There are approximately 35 million people in Afghanistan, about the same number of persons as in Canada. Comparatively, the GDP per capita for Canada is $50,382.86. Twenty-five percent of Afghans are undernourished. Only eight percent have the internet. The adolescent birth rate of girls between 15 and 19 is 81%, and most babies are not born in friendly, clean hospitals.

In looking at the World Bank data, imports and exports for Afghanistan are not officially reported. We know rugs are exported, and food and petroleum are imported. So why no official statistics? Could it just be that illegal exports such as opium and other drug trafficking may be significant to the economy? I have to ask is Taliban a drug cartel in the name of extremist religious views. (See Nichols, 2017).

So, yes, I worry about my sisters, the women left in Afghanistan. They have no choices, no education, poverty, and a life of terror. God bless and keep them.

References

Anusuya, R. (2017). Everyday violence during armed conflict: Narratives from Afghanistan. Peace and Conflict: Journal of Peace Psychology, 23(4),363-371.

Cultural Atlas. (n.d.). Afghan Culture. https://culturalatlas.sbs.com/au/afghan-culture/afghan-culture-religion

Nichols, R. (2017). Missionaries of modernity: Advisory missions and the struggle for hegemony in Afghanistan and beyond/a state built on sand: How opium undermined Afghanistan. The Middle East Journal, 71(2), 309–312.

Ray, A. (2017). Everyday violence during armed conflict: Narratives from Afghanistan. Peace and Conflict: Journal of Peace Psychology, 23(4), 363–371. https://doi.org/10.1037/pac0000281

Trading Economics. (2020). Afghanistan exports. https://tradingeconomics.com/afghanistan/exports

Vincent, R. C. (2016). The internet and sustainable development: Communication dissemination and the digital divide. Perspectives on global Development & Technology, 15(6), 605–637.

World Education News+Reviews. (2016, September 6). World Education News+Reviews. https://wenr.wes.org/2016/09/education-afghanistan

Self-care can make it to the bottom of the list some days, especially during a divorce. Between the demands of work and home and possibly caring for children, other family members, or even pets, it can be difficult to make time for yourself.

Mental health is just as important as physical health, and taking time for yourself can help you to balance life better. During May, we celebrate national Mental Health Awareness, and there is no better time to add something just for you to your routine. It can help boost your mood and help you to focus on something that enhances your life.

There is a national organization, Mental Health America, that offers resources that can benefit anyone who would like to have a healthier outlook on life. Their website emphasizes the importance of having routines to help you navigate life. Three tips for success in creating healthy routines that I especially like are:

1. Plan ahead. Take time once a week to jot down five things that you would like to include in your self-care routine that week.
2. Find things that YOU enjoy and incorporate one or more of these into your life.
3. Reward yourself. Did you follow through on a new routine? Treat yourself to something special.

What have you dreamed of doing that is fun? From hiking to trying out a yoga class, there are many options to explore new things and take some time for you! Now that the mask mandate has been lifted in North Carolina and spring has arrived, it can be a good time to look at your routine and add in something healthy.

Greensboro offers a trail system that can be fun to explore alone, with a friend, or in a group. There are garden trails, park trails, and hiking trails. To find a trail to explore, visit the City of Greensboro Parks and Recreation website at https://www.greensboro-nc.gov/departments/parks-recreation/trails-greenways. There is even a free Park Locater app to help you find a great trail to explore.

There’s a yoga class for everyone and every body. Our community offers many options to explore yoga safely and in a variety of settings. You can often find group yoga classes going on in the summer in downtown Greensboro at LeBauer Park. You can also find classes on Zoom, at a studio or gym, or even search YouTube to learn more.

While you are on YouTube, visit the Woodruff Family Law Group channel and subscribe to stay updated through our growing library of family law information other topics that may be of interest.  https://www.youtube.com/c/WoodruffLawFirm

These fun activities can brighten your outlook and your day. I hope you will join me in trying something new this summer and expanding your self-care routine.

Visit Creating Healthy Routines | Mental Health America (mhanational.org) to learn more tips for creating your best routines. See you on the Greenway!